I have background on here, but don't know how to post it from my cell so here's an abridged version:
LO is the first grandchild for IL's, and they had a MAJOR case of baby rabies and were typical boundary stompers (eg.baby grabbing, calling LO "my baby", attempting to hijack firsts of all sorts, trying to play mommy, etc.) I had a very hard time dealing with them because MIL can be emotionally manipulatative and very intimidating. My DH (former DuH) was at one point more concerned with MIL's feelings/wants/needs than those of mine and LO's.
I finally found this board, and you ladies helped me find my lady balls to give DH an ultimatum...is he married to me or to his mommy? After several awful fights and lots of time of him sleeping on the couch he finally started to see the light and realize that his parents (particularly his mom) are extremely overbearing, very controlling and trying to be way more involved than what is considered normal grandparent behavior.
Since DH had a wake up call he had learned to put his mommy and daddy in their place (for the most part), say "no" and support me when I need to put my foot down. Since MIL was not used to DH putting his foot down she had a temper tantrum when being called out for baby grabbing by DH which led to the shit hitting the fan of MIL and I having a screaming match where I basically called her out on all of her bullshit and made it known that I won't put up with it any more. We had a TO for several weeks and then went LC. Several months have passed, and we have decided to try once again to resume contact. MIL has been on her best behavior since we have decided to resume contact and knows better not to mess with me because I WILL call her out on her shit. In fact, she's been so good that occasionally my unicorn will come out and I contemplate allowing her to babysit once in a while. However, I have decided no babysitting for MIL until LO can talk!
Anyway..I have anxiety about the holidays coming up. We have a good relationship with the rest of DH's extended family, and are planning on spending Christmas Eve at BIL's house, New Year's Day with AIL and this coming Saturday is SIL's birthday. MIL/FIL will be in attendance at all of these upcoming festivities and I feel anxious because it's 3 times in one week where we will be seeing them. Although it is an exception because it's the holidays I hope they realize that visits will go back to being WAY less frequent (once every 4-6 weeks at most). I will be watching the IL's like a hawk around LO to endure that they don't revert back to their former boundary stomping bullshit. How do you know when someone has really changed from being a horrible entitled boundary stomper to a normal grandparent? I want the holidays to go smoothly, but I can't help but feel anxious...
LO is the first grandchild for IL's, and they had a MAJOR case of baby rabies and were typical boundary stompers (eg.baby grabbing, calling LO "my baby", attempting to hijack firsts of all sorts, trying to play mommy, etc.) I had a very hard time dealing with them because MIL can be emotionally manipulatative and very intimidating. My DH (former DuH) was at one point more concerned with MIL's feelings/wants/needs than those of mine and LO's.
I finally found this board, and you ladies helped me find my lady balls to give DH an ultimatum...is he married to me or to his mommy? After several awful fights and lots of time of him sleeping on the couch he finally started to see the light and realize that his parents (particularly his mom) are extremely overbearing, very controlling and trying to be way more involved than what is considered normal grandparent behavior.
Since DH had a wake up call he had learned to put his mommy and daddy in their place (for the most part), say "no" and support me when I need to put my foot down. Since MIL was not used to DH putting his foot down she had a temper tantrum when being called out for baby grabbing by DH which led to the shit hitting the fan of MIL and I having a screaming match where I basically called her out on all of her bullshit and made it known that I won't put up with it any more. We had a TO for several weeks and then went LC. Several months have passed, and we have decided to try once again to resume contact. MIL has been on her best behavior since we have decided to resume contact and knows better not to mess with me because I WILL call her out on her shit. In fact, she's been so good that occasionally my unicorn will come out and I contemplate allowing her to babysit once in a while. However, I have decided no babysitting for MIL until LO can talk!
Anyway..I have anxiety about the holidays coming up. We have a good relationship with the rest of DH's extended family, and are planning on spending Christmas Eve at BIL's house, New Year's Day with AIL and this coming Saturday is SIL's birthday. MIL/FIL will be in attendance at all of these upcoming festivities and I feel anxious because it's 3 times in one week where we will be seeing them. Although it is an exception because it's the holidays I hope they realize that visits will go back to being WAY less frequent (once every 4-6 weeks at most). I will be watching the IL's like a hawk around LO to endure that they don't revert back to their former boundary stomping bullshit. How do you know when someone has really changed from being a horrible entitled boundary stomper to a normal grandparent? I want the holidays to go smoothly, but I can't help but feel anxious...