Lots of bg here, but to sum it up my mom is off her rocker, a bit narcissistic but in a bleeding heart, feel sorry for me kind of way. She is already driving me nuts and I haven't even gotten to her house.
I am debating whether or not to cancel the trip home. Our plan is to leave tomorrow afternoon, drive 5 plus hours, stay 2 nights and drive back. Strategically a short trip anyways. My mom is already talking about feeding my 15 month LO cookies and sweets, and when I told her no you're not there were crickets. She has this overly happy enthusiastic thing going on that's driving me nuts whenever we talk.
We had a bit of a falling out in sept when she was coming to visit for lo's first birthday. She had it in her head that I said she could bring her dog, which I did not ever say... And the day before when she brought it up and I said no way, she had a lawn tantrum via telephone. Hysterical sobbing. I was completely calm and said just because you freak out I'm not changing my mind. I was newly pregnant at the time and was having a big party at my house- didn't wanna deal with her PITA dog too. She is ridiculous. Never apologized for freaking out obviously. She also had her newest romantic interest drive her here cause she has too much anxiety to make the drive herself. She was also sobbing cause I said the guy could not come in my house and I had no interest in meeting him. She doesn't make good choices in men and so I tend to avoid them, since my whole childhood consisted of being dragged to her current boyfriend's house for holidays, etc. she called me controlling and continued on with the madness. She ended up coming, without the dog, and i never saw the guy. She has twice now conveniently found men who have friends or family who live in our area so she has a ride. She is also codependent. Can't just be alone. There's just so much that's drives me nuts about her. And she also screamed at me during that phone call that I never even told anyone I was in labor and all this stuff. I responded "look how you're acting I wanted a calm and relaxing birth experience" she doesn't get it. We are just very different and a part of her codependency and narcissism is that she wants all her kids to be "just like mommy" my brother and sister are- and I'm not.
Problem is id like to see my sister and my dad. My dad and stepmom live 90 miles from my mom and planned to come visit Thursday so they could see my brother, who loves across the country, my sister, and me/my family. Dad has had some health issues lately. I'd just go to his house but they were coming to see my siblings too. DH only has W-F off from work.
Do I just lay down rules on the phone today and let her know if she breaks them the consequence will be that we pack the car and leave? I can give 1000 reasons why I shouldn't go- it's a long drive for such a short trip. I'm still breast feeding at 22 weeks pregnant and it's hard enough to maintain a supply without any added stress of my looney mom. Brother is a pain in the ass too. At 33 years old he still enjoys teasing and antagonizing me- another thing I don't need especially while pregnant.
I guess if I get a response I don't like when i explain the expectations then I'll just tell her forget it were not coming. I'm already doing that thing where scenarios come into my head and I have hypothetical confrontations with her and my brother. Ugh.
Thanks for any advice. I'm so glad I have a spine. I just want some experienced input on how to use it in this situation. Sorry if this is rambling, I'm on my phone laying with a sleeping LO :)
I am debating whether or not to cancel the trip home. Our plan is to leave tomorrow afternoon, drive 5 plus hours, stay 2 nights and drive back. Strategically a short trip anyways. My mom is already talking about feeding my 15 month LO cookies and sweets, and when I told her no you're not there were crickets. She has this overly happy enthusiastic thing going on that's driving me nuts whenever we talk.
We had a bit of a falling out in sept when she was coming to visit for lo's first birthday. She had it in her head that I said she could bring her dog, which I did not ever say... And the day before when she brought it up and I said no way, she had a lawn tantrum via telephone. Hysterical sobbing. I was completely calm and said just because you freak out I'm not changing my mind. I was newly pregnant at the time and was having a big party at my house- didn't wanna deal with her PITA dog too. She is ridiculous. Never apologized for freaking out obviously. She also had her newest romantic interest drive her here cause she has too much anxiety to make the drive herself. She was also sobbing cause I said the guy could not come in my house and I had no interest in meeting him. She doesn't make good choices in men and so I tend to avoid them, since my whole childhood consisted of being dragged to her current boyfriend's house for holidays, etc. she called me controlling and continued on with the madness. She ended up coming, without the dog, and i never saw the guy. She has twice now conveniently found men who have friends or family who live in our area so she has a ride. She is also codependent. Can't just be alone. There's just so much that's drives me nuts about her. And she also screamed at me during that phone call that I never even told anyone I was in labor and all this stuff. I responded "look how you're acting I wanted a calm and relaxing birth experience" she doesn't get it. We are just very different and a part of her codependency and narcissism is that she wants all her kids to be "just like mommy" my brother and sister are- and I'm not.
Problem is id like to see my sister and my dad. My dad and stepmom live 90 miles from my mom and planned to come visit Thursday so they could see my brother, who loves across the country, my sister, and me/my family. Dad has had some health issues lately. I'd just go to his house but they were coming to see my siblings too. DH only has W-F off from work.
Do I just lay down rules on the phone today and let her know if she breaks them the consequence will be that we pack the car and leave? I can give 1000 reasons why I shouldn't go- it's a long drive for such a short trip. I'm still breast feeding at 22 weeks pregnant and it's hard enough to maintain a supply without any added stress of my looney mom. Brother is a pain in the ass too. At 33 years old he still enjoys teasing and antagonizing me- another thing I don't need especially while pregnant.
I guess if I get a response I don't like when i explain the expectations then I'll just tell her forget it were not coming. I'm already doing that thing where scenarios come into my head and I have hypothetical confrontations with her and my brother. Ugh.
Thanks for any advice. I'm so glad I have a spine. I just want some experienced input on how to use it in this situation. Sorry if this is rambling, I'm on my phone laying with a sleeping LO :)