So I have been lurking here for awhile. My backbone is stronger and I feel like you ladies have made me see things in a different way now. My SO and I do not take any crap (or try not to) from anyone anymore.
Some background on SIL: We don't see her often but when we do she almost always has a new boyfriend. She has been asked by us and by my other SIL1 not to bring around any guys because we don't want strangers around our children at every holiday/ family event.
A month or so ago SIL had a meltdown about her BF breaking up with her (from what I was told they were only dating for a month or so). SO went over calmed her down, and I guess she basically didn't get out of bed for days. From what I am told she is bi-polar and takes medication but I am unsure if that is true or not. We just don't really see her often and try to keep it that way because she is so dramatic all the time. (JUST IN CASE: TRIGGER) When she went through this meltdown her boyfriend (I guess ex boyfriend) told her to commit suicide with her bipolar meds, and she wanted to quit her steady job because he worked at the same mall as her. That was the last I heard about the whole situation. We were under the impression she was back on track, and feeling better.
Fast foward (about 2 weeks later) to Christmas Eve: I was sitting at the table talking with family and someone asked if she had a boyfriend. I was a little surprised when she said yes and its a guy who works at the same mall as her. I didnt question anything becuase it was none of my business who she was dating. Later that night she mentions he is coming to Christmas breakfast the next day, and she leaves. SO and I discuss that we need to make sure it is not the same guy who told said those things to her, and she assures us it is not. We are still kind of upset she is bringing yet another new guy to Christmas but we decide to go anyways and just prepare to leave if we feel uncomfortable. It was fine, Christmas went well, uneventful.
Today MIL calls me to see if we would be coming over tonight to see SIL1 and her kids who are coming into town tonight. She brings up that she heard we were upset SIL brought a new guy to Christmas. I explained that we were okay with that we just didn't want someone around who would say such awful things to someone but once we found out it was a new guy we were okay with it. We ASSumed she would never allow someone in her home that would say such things to her daughter. She replied that it was the same guy and she just couldn't let him spend Christmas alone. What? I just said Okay well SO is going to be very pissed about this, and got off the phone. SIL is still saying its a different guy- but we found out they have the same name, and work in the same place. Weird right?
How would you handle this with her? She has been asked many times to not bring guys around, and I don't think I need a reason besides simply saying its my decision who I am around and my kids. Period. My opinion is to give her a heads up that next time a new guy, or this same one is around we will not be attending the family event. If you can respect SIL1 and her wishes to not bring people around her kids you can respect ours too. SO and I are so laid back and we aren't crazy protective about everything so small things such as stop bringing losers you have been dating for a month around my kids shouldn't be a big deal.
Another question- Do we say anything to MIL? I dont think she knew that we asked SIL if it was the same guy until later, so I don't think there is any reason to be upset with her. Also it is her home so its her choice if she wants this guy there. We would have gladly said we wont be joining you guys for Christmas. I think she needs to at least have the heads up too that we aren't going to be there if SIL new guys are there.
Thanks ladies and sorry this is long.