I'd like to give my cousin another chance by replying to her, but not necessarily getting together with her. I will wait a few days to respond, if I decide to. Please, tell me if/what I should say.
Here's the timeline of what happened:
As kids, because I was older, I was stuck babysitting her and her brother every day after school without pay, against my wishes. Her mother (my aunt) and my mother just told me I had to do it. So I really resented it.
As adults, I tried to have a better relationship with Cousin. We always got along but we don't have much in common and didn't get together often because we didn't have much to say to each other. We were FB friends, but she always had me on restricted status. I figured it was because our extended FOO is BSC and she was afraid I might tell them info about her. I wouldn't, but I can understand that she was stopping the info train before it could get to anyone. Meanwhile, in a show of good faith, I let her see everything on my FB wall. She never reciprocated.
A few years ago, I set her up with a friend of ours (mine and my DH's). They started dating, and she never reached out to make plans with us. We did get together from time to time but it was always me reaching out and suggesting we do so. Then, they got engaged.
That same summer, I CO my parents.
A few months later, Cousin contacted me to get together with me to go to an event that I know she didn't want to go to. I knew it was my mother's idea. Cousin wanted me, my LO1, my mother and her to go to it, because we'd all gone together in the past. But I had had a miserable time before because my mother is a massive bitch. I was honest with Cousin. I told her "I've CO my mother because she is toxic. But if you and your fiance want to get together with us (me and DH), let's do that." Crickets. She blew me off. Never responded.
For good measure, because her fiance had never blown me off before, because we were friends, I emailed him and suggested that we all get together. Crickets. He blew me off too. I'm sure it was at her request.
Six months passed. I never heard from her. They didn't invite us to their wedding. This did not offend me because they did not invite any of our extended FOO to their wedding. Our FOO is mostly BSC and I know that Cousin was just avoiding that. But I knew the wedding was taking place because mutual friends of mine and Cousin's fiance were flying into town for the wedding.
The Wednesday night after the wedding, I got an email from Cousin saying that she and her new husband had gotten married and that they were going to have a reception just for our side of the family at a local restaurant the following Saturday. She invited me, DH and our LOs. By email. Three days before the event. She didn't ask for an RSVP. I decided that since she thought that ignoring me was the way to go 6 months earlier, I would do the same to her. I knew my CO mother would be there and there was no way that I was going to go, but I didn't think Cousin deserved a response.
A few months later, I got an email from Cousin saying "We miss you." Meaning, the BSC FOO misses me. Sure. They miss their doormat. They have no one to treat like shit and they miss it. I knew it was a FM email initiated at my mother's request. I BHed it. I deleted Cousin and her new husband from FB and blocked them.
I don't hate them, I never did, but I don't like how she blows me off when it works for her, and contacts me when it works for her. However, because her husband and I have a good mutual friend (who luckily lives out of state), it makes it awkward because I don't want to bring my LOs to events when the mutual friend comes to town. I don't want Cousin to be around my LOs. I don't trust her not to take their photos and send them to my CO parents. I don't trust her not to try to get information from them to feed back to my CO parents.
In the past couple of years, I've BHed many FM attacks. Last month, I finally blocked another FM relative's phone number and email address. I knew my mother would try yet another tactic.
Just now, Cousin sent me another email. I'm certain that my mother is behind it. But the longer I BH Cousin, the weirder it will be when the mutual friend comes to town. I don't want to BH Cousin completely and make things between us full of animosity. But I don't care one way or another to see her and her husband. I wish them well but I don't trust her. I'd like to reply something very light and superficial but polite so that if/when I do see her when our mutual friend is in town, we can be civilized. But I don't want to explain myself to her again. I JADEed once and she blew me off. I don't owe her that. Plus, I know that anything I say will be forwarded to my CO FOO.
Cousin didn't apologize for her behavior in the past. I don't think she's a bitch, but she does what's best for her, and I think she thinks that staying in the extended FOO's good graces is the way to go.
I'm ok seeing her and her husband when our mutual friend comes to town (without my LOs, of course). I don't really care if we get together one way or the other. I think if she were going to be normal and interesting, I'd see her. But if she's just going to whine and try to guilt trip me for not letting my CO parents see our kids, then I don't want to waste my time.
What is good wording for an email for me to basically say:
-nice to hear from you
-we're doing well
and then to just put her off so we never get together in person?
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Giving a FM another chance
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