Bg: I am divorced and my XH and I share custody but I am the custodial parent. He has visitation three weekends a month. About every three months or so I get a call from his sister (my xsil) to either have her on his off weekend or to call saying that XH is sending DD to her house and that she will be picking her up. Usually she wants to pick her up early before designated pickup time which is sometimes a big inconvenience to my schedule. XH used to call for her to ask but he and I have a hard time communicating since he can't talk to me without being insulting or rude in some way which makes it easy to deny these annoying requests. Now she calls and asks herself and is always sickeningly nice over the phone which makes it hard to tell her no.
When she picks up DD she always has to ask me intrusive questions about my life that I feel are inappropriate like about my relationship with my new DF and about my pregnancy. Sometimes she asks why my not yet 4 year old DD isn't in school yet and I have to constantly remind her that kindergarten at the local school doesn't start until children are 5 turning 6 that school year and that the local preschools have hefty tuition fees. Since I'm fortunate enough to not require daycare I don't see why I would pay to have DD go to one of these places and XH is not willing to pay his half of the bill anyway.
My DD is always well behaved and smart at home. She doesn't get a lot of sugar because like all kids it makes her crazy and she follows a strict bedtime.
Whenever DD comes home from XSILs house, XSIL always has to make a comment about how she thinks that DDs behavior is suffering because of the custody situation and the strained coparenting situation.
She has no children of her own and doesn't want any so I feel like she has a hard time calming an excited preschooler. I don't think it helps that during these visits DD is over stimulated because she takes her to multiple museums and amusement parks during these visits which is just a recipe for a tantrum. She also makes DD conform to a vegan diet in her care.
I don't feel like my DD is unsafe in her care. I fact I feel she's safer with XSIL than XH. In any case in have no control over DD going over there on XHs weekends anyway since we have a right of first refusal for babysitters and XSIL is on the list of approved care.
I know that she is fishing for information to bring back to XH that is unfavorable when she asks me those annoying questions and I don't know how to politely tell her to go fuck herself when she criticizes my care of DD. And taking DD on her monthly weekend home needs to stop because we use that weekend to go on family outings, trips, and for my FOO to spend time visiting.
She hasn't asked for DD in a while and it's about that time for me to be getting another phone call from her. My mother and DF can't understand why I can be so firm in telling XH no but for this woman I'm a pushover and I can't understand either.
I need to tell her no and to back off of my parenting but I don't know how to without creating a shitstorm.
When she picks up DD she always has to ask me intrusive questions about my life that I feel are inappropriate like about my relationship with my new DF and about my pregnancy. Sometimes she asks why my not yet 4 year old DD isn't in school yet and I have to constantly remind her that kindergarten at the local school doesn't start until children are 5 turning 6 that school year and that the local preschools have hefty tuition fees. Since I'm fortunate enough to not require daycare I don't see why I would pay to have DD go to one of these places and XH is not willing to pay his half of the bill anyway.
My DD is always well behaved and smart at home. She doesn't get a lot of sugar because like all kids it makes her crazy and she follows a strict bedtime.
Whenever DD comes home from XSILs house, XSIL always has to make a comment about how she thinks that DDs behavior is suffering because of the custody situation and the strained coparenting situation.
She has no children of her own and doesn't want any so I feel like she has a hard time calming an excited preschooler. I don't think it helps that during these visits DD is over stimulated because she takes her to multiple museums and amusement parks during these visits which is just a recipe for a tantrum. She also makes DD conform to a vegan diet in her care.
I don't feel like my DD is unsafe in her care. I fact I feel she's safer with XSIL than XH. In any case in have no control over DD going over there on XHs weekends anyway since we have a right of first refusal for babysitters and XSIL is on the list of approved care.
I know that she is fishing for information to bring back to XH that is unfavorable when she asks me those annoying questions and I don't know how to politely tell her to go fuck herself when she criticizes my care of DD. And taking DD on her monthly weekend home needs to stop because we use that weekend to go on family outings, trips, and for my FOO to spend time visiting.
She hasn't asked for DD in a while and it's about that time for me to be getting another phone call from her. My mother and DF can't understand why I can be so firm in telling XH no but for this woman I'm a pushover and I can't understand either.
I need to tell her no and to back off of my parenting but I don't know how to without creating a shitstorm.