It's time to ask DWIL for advice on how to deal with my BIL. He has recently been diagnosed as borderline bi-polar with an anxiety disorder. He is currently seeing a psychiatrist and trying medications, and he and my sister are in therapy to repair their marriage and the resulting behavioral issues with ODNe (5). She is 2 mo. PP with YDNe, so the "climax" of this was going on while she was pregnant.
I guess BIL has had mental issues for quite some time, but the climax was this past summer was when he asked my sister for a divorce because he was having an affair (definitely emotional, not sure if physical and don't want to know) with some college chick. It took several weeks to get BIL to change his mind about this chick and agree to therapy. *trigger* It was about this same time that I lost my second pregnancy, and when he found out about it (info-train fail), he offered up their unborn child to DH and I, since he didn't want YDNe.*trigger*
Because my sister believes their relationship is worth saving, and BIL has so far been willing to work on his problems, I still have some contact with him. We are low contact anyway, just because of the nature of my relationship with my sister...we love each other dearly, but we're not friends. We see them when we visit my parents (every other month or so) and at family gatherings (half the holidays, some birthdays). Christmas was super-awkward because of trying to avoid interaction with him and I felt like I was rug-sweeping.
I have very little experience with dealing with someone who has a mental illness. I can't forget that he hurt me during a very vulnerable time, let alone what he put my sister through. For the latter, my inclination is to MYOB, since Sis has made her decision to forgive him and I can support his efforts for better mental health for her sake. But I deserve an apology, too.
I still want a relationship with my sister and my nephews, and I would like to attempt a civil relationship with BIL. I did want to give them time to work things out as a family, settle into therapy, bring their new LO into the world, etc. which is why I held my tongue and rug-swept over Christmas. I don't feel like it's my responsibility to demand an apology, but if I don't, I don't feel like one will be forthcoming. The BSC was so strong with this one, I don't know if he even remembers making the comment six months ago.
What are your suggestions for how to proceed? We don't have plans to see them any time soon, but I'd like to be prepared.
Edit: bleeping symbols