Yep. It has been a loooooong few days.
I don't have any relevant background. In September I cut off contact with my eldest first cousin and his wife. I have been close to this cousin since I was a young teen. He remarried, after a long marriage, to his new wife (although they aren't legally married; a private ceremony given by a family member. No license. ). They got married a month after DH and I. I grew close to her even before they were married. He had been like an older brother to me as I am not close to my brothers, geographically speaking. I live in Oregon while the rest of our extended family lives in California (except for his younger brother).
I noticed that she was very enmeshed and had an extremely dysfunctional family that they live across the street from. We used to rent a house from the IL in the same small town just a few minutes away. She would vent to me about her family and would sometimes ask for advice. I think this was because she would see how I handled my MIL and my own dysfunctional family (ALL thanks to DWIL! ). She would sometimes listen, mainly agree and not employ any practices because like many people, "family is forever". That's fine, not my family and not my business.
As we grew closer and she became close to me and daughters, she would sometimes show the same dysfunctional tendencies that she grew up with. Like acknowledging one daughter more or using guilt tactics to make me feel bad for having a life. So I immediately tapered down contact.
We eventually moved out of our house and closer to the city; about 35 minutes away. This helped although when she was moody with me, she would basically tell me it was wrong to "isolate" ourselves from the only family we really had. WHY she thought her and my cousin were our only "family" , I have no idea. I repeatedly reminded her that "family" isn't about blood relatives to us. But I digress.
While on a rare visit to their house this past fall for dinner, the subject of her sister, who is around my age, came up. She has always had a hate/love relationship with her because her mom is a Narcissist and her sister is the Golden Child while CIL was the Scapegoat Child(among many kids). She and my cousin both start trash talking about her. I don't care for gossip and so I try to bean dip a few times. They ignore the "dipping" and start making fun of how she has a baby with someone who is African American. I have ZERO tolerance for that and immediately tell them to stop their racist remarks and how they sound so ignorant for claiming to be so smart. I pack up my family and that was the last I heard from them.
On to Tuesday!
It is around dinner time. Dh, the girls and I are headed back to our town from the city. We decide that we are hungry and will go out and grab something to eat. Well DH is still in work clothes so he wanted to change into something more clean and comfortable (he works in construction). We live in apartments with an underground parking garage. I tell him just park out in front since he should be a few minutes. Car is still running.
I am browsing DWIL(ha!), girls are in their car seats. The driver's side car door opens and I look up, it is my cousin. He sits in the driver's seat before I can say anything. (Sidenote: Both DH and I changed our numbers for other reasons and hadn't contacted them. I didn't know if I was going to completely CO but was leaning towards it. Like I said, ZERO tolerance). Keep in mind, there is NO telling my cousin he is wrong. His way is the way and all that macho crap. Never really had a big problem with him before the comments. His problems were always with other people. When he feels he isn't getting the respect he "deserves"(you know, because he was born before people and whatnot.SMH), he tries to intimidate people.
He says, "What's up? What's going on?" (Not said in a friendly tone.)
Me: Not much.
COO: Well yeah, something is. I haven't gotten my letter yet. So what's the deal.
(When I CO my dad for staying with my molester step mom, I sent a letter.)
Me: Now is not the time or place to have this discussion. You need to leave.
COO: Now is the only time. You owe me that much respect.
Me: COO, now is NOT the time. My daughters are in the back seat and you can't force me to do anything. You need to go.
Then I hear,
CIL: Oh HIIIIII my baaaaaabies!!! Aunty CIL missed youuuuuuu!!
I am doing my best to stay calm and collected. I don't want to provoke them. I just want them to leave.
CIL opens my door.
CIL: Hey. What's up.
(They both are obviously trying to gang up on me since I am still alone and have the girls.)
Me: I am not doing this right now. You both need to leave.
CIL: Yes you are!
Me: You don't get what you want because you think you can bully someone.
I attempt to close my door and she pulls it open and SITS ON ME!! I try to get her off and she starts fighting with me. She is about five inches taller than me and has about 30 pounds on me. Unless I started fighting with her, I wouldn't be able to move her. She pins me against my seat.
COO: You owe us enough respect to talk to us!
Me: I don't owe you anything. What you are doing is assault and I will call the cops if you don't leave.
COO: Oh really?! Call the cops?!
Smug look and thinks I am bluffing. But I am scared and definitely not bluffing! I still have my phone in my hand and while I attempt to unlock my phone, they both WRESTLE it from me and COO throws it on his side where I can't reach.
CIL and COO are both SCREAMING in my face how I owe them this and that. How I am a dumb bitch, I have nobody but them, etc. I keep looking up to see if DH is coming down yet. Feels like forever!
CIL: I did NOTHING but love your daughters.
Me: Look at what you are doing to their mother in front of them, CIL.
DH comes down and looks completely surprised. He came to my side as it was nearest to him and he seen what CIL was doing.
DH: What are you doing, CIL?! Get off of her!
She finally gets up and so do I.
DH: You guys need to leave! What are you even doing here?! (Rhetorical question)
CIL is still screaming in my face how I have no family, I'm a bitch, I am this and everything else.
Me: Remember that movie you showed me? The shadow effect? Look at what your doing now.
My COO comes out and comes around the car to me. Gets, literally, an inch from my face.
Me: it doesn't make you a strong tough guy because you can get in a woman's face, COO.
THEN HE STARTS TO FUCKING CHOKE ME!!!!
DH gets him off and then COO starts choking DH!!! Literally lifts him off the ground against the car. CIL and I get him off.
DH starts dialing 911.
COO: What are you doing?
(As they walk off)
DH: I'm calling 911, that's what I'm doing.
COO: No you're not!
DH: Yes I am.
COO: The way I see it, your hand was on my neck
DH: Great COO. Then I guess we will both be going to jail.
I had never been assaulted as an adult. I was SHAKING. Mad, scared, I don't know. We live a couple of blocks away from the local PD so we just drove there.
We are definitely pressing charges. Why they think they are above the law, I don't know. And these people are in their late 30's acting worse than kids!!! So that was my story.
Sadly enough, if I hadn't of found DWIL and this happened a couple of years ago, I may actually not have called the cops. Where we are from, family is family no matter how crazy they are. I would have CO, but not involved the police. I see how important it is now. I don't want them to think they can just do this to anyone and not have any REAL consequences.
So that is that for you.
(On my phone. Please overlook any typos.)
I don't have any relevant background. In September I cut off contact with my eldest first cousin and his wife. I have been close to this cousin since I was a young teen. He remarried, after a long marriage, to his new wife (although they aren't legally married; a private ceremony given by a family member. No license. ). They got married a month after DH and I. I grew close to her even before they were married. He had been like an older brother to me as I am not close to my brothers, geographically speaking. I live in Oregon while the rest of our extended family lives in California (except for his younger brother).
I noticed that she was very enmeshed and had an extremely dysfunctional family that they live across the street from. We used to rent a house from the IL in the same small town just a few minutes away. She would vent to me about her family and would sometimes ask for advice. I think this was because she would see how I handled my MIL and my own dysfunctional family (ALL thanks to DWIL! ). She would sometimes listen, mainly agree and not employ any practices because like many people, "family is forever". That's fine, not my family and not my business.
As we grew closer and she became close to me and daughters, she would sometimes show the same dysfunctional tendencies that she grew up with. Like acknowledging one daughter more or using guilt tactics to make me feel bad for having a life. So I immediately tapered down contact.
We eventually moved out of our house and closer to the city; about 35 minutes away. This helped although when she was moody with me, she would basically tell me it was wrong to "isolate" ourselves from the only family we really had. WHY she thought her and my cousin were our only "family" , I have no idea. I repeatedly reminded her that "family" isn't about blood relatives to us. But I digress.
While on a rare visit to their house this past fall for dinner, the subject of her sister, who is around my age, came up. She has always had a hate/love relationship with her because her mom is a Narcissist and her sister is the Golden Child while CIL was the Scapegoat Child(among many kids). She and my cousin both start trash talking about her. I don't care for gossip and so I try to bean dip a few times. They ignore the "dipping" and start making fun of how she has a baby with someone who is African American. I have ZERO tolerance for that and immediately tell them to stop their racist remarks and how they sound so ignorant for claiming to be so smart. I pack up my family and that was the last I heard from them.
On to Tuesday!
It is around dinner time. Dh, the girls and I are headed back to our town from the city. We decide that we are hungry and will go out and grab something to eat. Well DH is still in work clothes so he wanted to change into something more clean and comfortable (he works in construction). We live in apartments with an underground parking garage. I tell him just park out in front since he should be a few minutes. Car is still running.
I am browsing DWIL(ha!), girls are in their car seats. The driver's side car door opens and I look up, it is my cousin. He sits in the driver's seat before I can say anything. (Sidenote: Both DH and I changed our numbers for other reasons and hadn't contacted them. I didn't know if I was going to completely CO but was leaning towards it. Like I said, ZERO tolerance). Keep in mind, there is NO telling my cousin he is wrong. His way is the way and all that macho crap. Never really had a big problem with him before the comments. His problems were always with other people. When he feels he isn't getting the respect he "deserves"(you know, because he was born before people and whatnot.SMH), he tries to intimidate people.
He says, "What's up? What's going on?" (Not said in a friendly tone.)
Me: Not much.
COO: Well yeah, something is. I haven't gotten my letter yet. So what's the deal.
(When I CO my dad for staying with my molester step mom, I sent a letter.)
Me: Now is not the time or place to have this discussion. You need to leave.
COO: Now is the only time. You owe me that much respect.
Me: COO, now is NOT the time. My daughters are in the back seat and you can't force me to do anything. You need to go.
Then I hear,
CIL: Oh HIIIIII my baaaaaabies!!! Aunty CIL missed youuuuuuu!!
I am doing my best to stay calm and collected. I don't want to provoke them. I just want them to leave.
CIL opens my door.
CIL: Hey. What's up.
(They both are obviously trying to gang up on me since I am still alone and have the girls.)
Me: I am not doing this right now. You both need to leave.
CIL: Yes you are!
Me: You don't get what you want because you think you can bully someone.
I attempt to close my door and she pulls it open and SITS ON ME!! I try to get her off and she starts fighting with me. She is about five inches taller than me and has about 30 pounds on me. Unless I started fighting with her, I wouldn't be able to move her. She pins me against my seat.
COO: You owe us enough respect to talk to us!
Me: I don't owe you anything. What you are doing is assault and I will call the cops if you don't leave.
COO: Oh really?! Call the cops?!
Smug look and thinks I am bluffing. But I am scared and definitely not bluffing! I still have my phone in my hand and while I attempt to unlock my phone, they both WRESTLE it from me and COO throws it on his side where I can't reach.
CIL and COO are both SCREAMING in my face how I owe them this and that. How I am a dumb bitch, I have nobody but them, etc. I keep looking up to see if DH is coming down yet. Feels like forever!
CIL: I did NOTHING but love your daughters.
Me: Look at what you are doing to their mother in front of them, CIL.
DH comes down and looks completely surprised. He came to my side as it was nearest to him and he seen what CIL was doing.
DH: What are you doing, CIL?! Get off of her!
She finally gets up and so do I.
DH: You guys need to leave! What are you even doing here?! (Rhetorical question)
CIL is still screaming in my face how I have no family, I'm a bitch, I am this and everything else.
Me: Remember that movie you showed me? The shadow effect? Look at what your doing now.
My COO comes out and comes around the car to me. Gets, literally, an inch from my face.
Me: it doesn't make you a strong tough guy because you can get in a woman's face, COO.
THEN HE STARTS TO FUCKING CHOKE ME!!!!
DH gets him off and then COO starts choking DH!!! Literally lifts him off the ground against the car. CIL and I get him off.
DH starts dialing 911.
COO: What are you doing?
(As they walk off)
DH: I'm calling 911, that's what I'm doing.
COO: No you're not!
DH: Yes I am.
COO: The way I see it, your hand was on my neck
DH: Great COO. Then I guess we will both be going to jail.
I had never been assaulted as an adult. I was SHAKING. Mad, scared, I don't know. We live a couple of blocks away from the local PD so we just drove there.
We are definitely pressing charges. Why they think they are above the law, I don't know. And these people are in their late 30's acting worse than kids!!! So that was my story.
Sadly enough, if I hadn't of found DWIL and this happened a couple of years ago, I may actually not have called the cops. Where we are from, family is family no matter how crazy they are. I would have CO, but not involved the police. I see how important it is now. I don't want them to think they can just do this to anyone and not have any REAL consequences.
So that is that for you.
(On my phone. Please overlook any typos.)