Old member new name. I created a new name due to some personal family trauma. Trust me, we are all still reeling over it. Everything has setteled down over that, continuing with therapy, we go weekly together and twice a month by ourselves.
SIL has been wanting to babysit since LO was born 10 months ago. While this is not necessarily a terrible thing, there are some ground rules that we have before anyone can babysit. They are not terrible rules, they are just that we ask that you come hang out with LO a few times before you babysit so you get to know eachother, and we can see how you deal with the cues and LO's fiesty personality. There is also medication because LO has a hamngioma on the chin.
Well SIL keeps asking me when she can babysit, and I BH. I tell DH that he needs to tell her why, and do it soon. Finally he sat down and wrote this email. I know its full of unicorny glitter gibber jabber. And he thought my apporach was too blunt. There is a need for a little unicorness based on the family tragedy that happened recently, but I think its a terrible email. So I was hoping that you ladies could tell him because he thinks im being too mean.
I will say, these are his reasons for not wanting her to babysit and I agree with him. DH for the most part is good at shutting shit down. He just isnt good at delivering message. He has DuH moments, but we have come a long way. We are already in therapy. Below is the email. I know you ladies are harsh, I have dealt with it in the past. You are right though and I apprciate it. I know its a pretty terrible email.
SIL,
I am writing you this email because OP mentioned that you wanted to babysit, and that she had told you that it was up to me, because we both agreed that we would handle our familes requests to babysit. I have been hesistant to let you babysit. Some of the reasons are as follows:
OP and I have both agreed that whoever babysits needs to take the time to get to know LO and her habits. This means that we would like them to come over in small bursts, at first, so we can to see how they interact with her and how cordy reacts to them. This has been done with every family member to baby sit, with one exception due to OPs family emergency. OP's grandma was murdered and we had to take care of some family memebers. In that case, OPs sister and dad came over together while roomate/godfather was there as well and we got constant text updates.
I understand that you are dealing with a lot right now. Break ups and realtionships can be hard. That being said your emotions have been really up and down the past 10 months. I know that you were going through some things, but it still seems like you are going through them, and we cannot have you be upset and distracted while trying to take care of our daughter she is the world to me and I may sound a bit protective but being a parent will do that and I know one day you will be there too.
I also feel like you have not made a real effort to be part of her life. You have called three times asking about LO's birthday and that has been a growing concern for me. I feel like you should know when your only nieces birthday is, you visited her in the hospital the day after. Not very many people got to do that. You have almost never come to see her or asked to see her. You saw her once in the hospital, once in her first month of life, and asked around October but we were busy with a doctors appointment. You have not asked to come hang out with her since then. I have seen that OP has offered to let you come over and see her whenever you want, and I have seen her offer this several times. And yet you have not asked or taken her up on her offer.
You tend to cancel plans on us a lot and you also have declines many invitations to come over and hang out with us and cordy. You have said in the past that you do not have gas money to come see us. I understand that. Gas is expensive and you have to drive to work and back every day. I get it. Sadly, your place is too small to have LO in comfortably. Christmas was very uncomfortable for us and for her because she was not able to explore. It was hot and crowded. Another concern is that your cats have not been around small children, and LO cant have her tetnus shot or rabies vaccine until 12 months. This would not be a bad thing, but cordy does not understand the whole softly petting a kitty concept yet. Our cats have been dealing with her for 10 months and have been okay, but she is really into pulling fur and tails.
I dont want you to feel like im attacking you, but I also want you to know that you are babysitting one of the most important parts of my life, and I do not take this lightly. I am stricter than OP about it. It does not mean that you never will, and it does not meant that I dont want you to be a part of LOs life. Because I really do, but it is not fair to LO to have someone babysit her who hasnt been around her enough to know what her signs are, how she interacts with things, and someone who has not really been there.
You are welcome to come over anyday that OP has off (please check with her first) she is home with the baby m-f from about 6:45 am to 4:30 pm. I know she would love to have someone watch LO while she got some homework done or laundry done, or partylite. She has been trying to clean the house but LO has other ideas. (I know this from exprieince)
We have not been actively avoiding the whole idea, but the only day until recently we needed a baby sitter was Wednesday nights, and you have dodgeball. Also, people will ask to come see the baby, and we tend to plan dates around that. We have never really had to ask anyone, except one time for the above emergency.
I really hope this doesn't make you upset, and this is what everyone has to go through to babysit. You may think that its too strict, and im sorry for that, but my daughter and DW/OP are my number 1 prioties. This means that I need to do everything to help them and make sure they are safe and comfortable.
OP left this entirely up to me, and said that whatever I wanted was fine with her. So please don't take this out on her.
So that was the email. I think hes being way to nice. I know that "NO" is a whole sentence, and that SIL doesnt need reasons, that we can tell her no and it will mean no. I know that we can TO, and not have to be in her life. But DH has already lost so many people close to him. So if I do have Unicorn it is for DH. Please feel free to edit the above email please.
ETA: Spelling and taking out apostrophes because they make the format wierd.