Im new to motherhood and unsure if this happens usually but I feel like Im not qualified to be a mother from how my MILs act and treat me! My LO is 14 weeks old and have had all the mothers, from my side and my husbands side of the family lecture me about motherhood, pointing out everything I do as incorrect. I brought it up to my mother and she backed off but now I have my MIL butting in even more! From day one she has been there constantly pushing my buttons.
I was induced at 38 weeks and half a day later, I was fully dilated. My MIL and SIL shows up at the hospital right when I was ready to deliver and as I was pushing, they would walk in and check up on me, the husband and I told them not to come in anymore and we would get them when Ive given birth. Not even 5 minutes later, we hear the nurses escorting them out of the room AGAIN. For 45 minutes, the nurses had to continuously walk them out until finally my LO had arrived, and as I was giving birth to the placenta, they walk in, once more only to be escorted again but they ended up just waiting outside the door. The doc said itll be another 5 to 10 minutes to stitch me up and check my LO. Once again, they walk in during the stitching process, how frustrating, cant even have 5 minutes without someone bursting in. Everything was done and I finally got to hold my baby, for about 30 seconds until, well you guessed it, they come running in (over exaggerated) and takes my daughter out of hand! If I wasnt upset enough. The nurse comes in and insists I bring my LO to breast and for the guests to go back to the waiting room. Even with the nurses request, my MIL says its okay, theyll just sit in the room and watch me breastfeed (first time mother, first time breastfeeding). After husband escorted them out, it went back to interupting personal moments every 5 minutes. She was fed and they entered and stayed for an hour, it was 12 in the morning when they left. Everyday they would visit and insist on staying while I breastfed, which I did not allow, ever. We went home after 2 days and the day after, we were in the NICU, she had jaundice. I wouldnt leave my LOs side, so the husband called my MIL to tell her he was going over to make food for us and, of course she was being nosy and asked why we werent home. He said our LO was back in the hospital and we never heard the end of it, it was a constant, its all your wifes fault for not listening to me and doing it her and the docs way and nadda nadda nadda. Husband got furious and yelled at her for blaming me when it all just happens naturally, hung up on her and did not pick up her large amount of phonecalls that day. Eventually he allowed her to come visit us and was calm, thank goodness. The day before we left, I started pumping, only to hear the door creak open to find my MIL and SIL walking in and sitting next to me while I pumped (I had told the nurse to tell visitors I was pumping but they came in anyway). I uncomfortably pumped in silence and trying to cover myself.
After the stay at the hospital, we were finally back at home, as I was hoping it would just be my husband, LO and I for a week or 2 but was I mistakened! Everyday ever since Ive had her have weve had her come over and give me pointers about everything(everything as in everything, how to feed her, change her, swaddle her, bathe her, put her to sleep, what I ate, wore, did). Not only did she tell me how to do everything but to not listen to the doctor because she is a professional mother of 8. If I didnt do things her way, she would diagnose my daughter as sick and being sickly yellow and blame my breastmilk and how I took care of her. Even now, after 3 months, she tells me Im doing everything wrong.
Not only does she tell me what to do and how to do it, she insists on taking my LO for a couple of nights to show me how to take care of a child. She said shell buy her formula for those few days to show me how much better it is for my LO and how much healthier my LO will be in her care. Its like she doesnt want to be my LOs grandmother but my LOs mother! I dont know how to deal with it anymore, Im going crazy hearing it all. It makes me feel unfit. Anyone else have a similar problem? How did you cope with it? What did you do about it?
I was induced at 38 weeks and half a day later, I was fully dilated. My MIL and SIL shows up at the hospital right when I was ready to deliver and as I was pushing, they would walk in and check up on me, the husband and I told them not to come in anymore and we would get them when Ive given birth. Not even 5 minutes later, we hear the nurses escorting them out of the room AGAIN. For 45 minutes, the nurses had to continuously walk them out until finally my LO had arrived, and as I was giving birth to the placenta, they walk in, once more only to be escorted again but they ended up just waiting outside the door. The doc said itll be another 5 to 10 minutes to stitch me up and check my LO. Once again, they walk in during the stitching process, how frustrating, cant even have 5 minutes without someone bursting in. Everything was done and I finally got to hold my baby, for about 30 seconds until, well you guessed it, they come running in (over exaggerated) and takes my daughter out of hand! If I wasnt upset enough. The nurse comes in and insists I bring my LO to breast and for the guests to go back to the waiting room. Even with the nurses request, my MIL says its okay, theyll just sit in the room and watch me breastfeed (first time mother, first time breastfeeding). After husband escorted them out, it went back to interupting personal moments every 5 minutes. She was fed and they entered and stayed for an hour, it was 12 in the morning when they left. Everyday they would visit and insist on staying while I breastfed, which I did not allow, ever. We went home after 2 days and the day after, we were in the NICU, she had jaundice. I wouldnt leave my LOs side, so the husband called my MIL to tell her he was going over to make food for us and, of course she was being nosy and asked why we werent home. He said our LO was back in the hospital and we never heard the end of it, it was a constant, its all your wifes fault for not listening to me and doing it her and the docs way and nadda nadda nadda. Husband got furious and yelled at her for blaming me when it all just happens naturally, hung up on her and did not pick up her large amount of phonecalls that day. Eventually he allowed her to come visit us and was calm, thank goodness. The day before we left, I started pumping, only to hear the door creak open to find my MIL and SIL walking in and sitting next to me while I pumped (I had told the nurse to tell visitors I was pumping but they came in anyway). I uncomfortably pumped in silence and trying to cover myself.
After the stay at the hospital, we were finally back at home, as I was hoping it would just be my husband, LO and I for a week or 2 but was I mistakened! Everyday ever since Ive had her have weve had her come over and give me pointers about everything(everything as in everything, how to feed her, change her, swaddle her, bathe her, put her to sleep, what I ate, wore, did). Not only did she tell me how to do everything but to not listen to the doctor because she is a professional mother of 8. If I didnt do things her way, she would diagnose my daughter as sick and being sickly yellow and blame my breastmilk and how I took care of her. Even now, after 3 months, she tells me Im doing everything wrong.
Not only does she tell me what to do and how to do it, she insists on taking my LO for a couple of nights to show me how to take care of a child. She said shell buy her formula for those few days to show me how much better it is for my LO and how much healthier my LO will be in her care. Its like she doesnt want to be my LOs grandmother but my LOs mother! I dont know how to deal with it anymore, Im going crazy hearing it all. It makes me feel unfit. Anyone else have a similar problem? How did you cope with it? What did you do about it?