http://community.babycenter.com/post/a49191616/you_have_the_issues_were_all_fine.?cpg=3&pd=-1
I responded to my mom with a relatively short email explaining that was she said was terrible and I needed a break. She sends back this sugary sweet response that I completely misunderstood and she apologizes for the confusion. Says she really thought what she was saying was helpful and would allow me to better assess the damaged relationships I have with her and my sister. I talk to a couple of friends, relay this response and while they fell for it and I was tempted to... I knew better. For one, she called- I didn't answer- and that's what clued me in to check my email. If the end of your email says "If you need a break, that's fine" (not that I asked for permission) but then you immediately call me you clearly don't respect the break concept. So that was like the decoy email.
_____
The real response came within an hour of the phone call.
It began with we've supported you in these various ways, followed by a bullet pointed list of such events. These include very normal things like my choice of college and choice to live on campus to things I have had no control over like when I broke my leg in four places while in college and she and my sister cleaned out my dorm room for me. Also my choice of where to live, various jobs I've had, etc. Rather than seeing these as basic points in parenting, these are the outstanding reasons why I need to think twice about having the nerve to call her out and declare a TO.
_____
After the bullet points, there is a paragraph that states... well here it is verbatim: We are not going to agree with everything you do, but that doesn't mean we don't love and appreciate you. We are very outspoken people- always have been. Just know that when you start saying things like what you said in your previous email, please remember to whom you are saying those things.
______
The next section of the email details various things that have happened throughout my lifetime and how terrible they were for her. She cried when I had to get glasses (felt guilty she didn't know I couldn't see), she found out I had sex at 15 (she leaves out the part where they called me a prostitute and my dad beat the shit out of me, including stomping my head into the concrete floor). The parent teacher conference where ALL of my teachers sat in a circle with us and told her what a horrible person I was... right in front of me. Yes, these things were all about her. Oh and she hates driving to my city but she should get a cookie because she's done it more than anyone else. She throws in multiple examples of how my sister has been such a supportive big sister. We have all tried... for some reason you don't see it. "I pray you think on these things while you are on your break."
_____
This is just a summary. I don't believe I'm wrong to think this is outrageous. I was planning on not responding to anything she said after I said I wanted a break. But her need to try to tell me the worst parts of my own life story and especially without regards to the fact that she doesn't know it all and didn't factor MY feelings into any of it... I had to respond. But she has sent two more emails since and I really feel done. I don't want to get into a back and forth, I am way past that phase. I don't care about having the last word. I just want to be able to finish out my pregnancy without their baggage. However, I do think she will continue to sporadically respond to various parts of what I said... or just to how crappy I am
in general.
____
Trigger:
She even pointed out that they drove me to work when I was freaked out because one of my best friends got killed by a drunk driver. Classy.
____
I probaby I need advice but mostly I wanted to share. I learned a lot from this board a couple of years ago and it has carried over and helped me be better prepared for this inevitable fall out.
____
ETA: BBC eats my paragraphs, sorry! Trying to fix it.