BG: DuF and I have been together 2 years in June. His family lives 600 miles away in a different state. FMIL is absolutely BSC and his 16 y/o sister is following in her footsteps. DuF was verbally and emotionally abused by FMIL growing up. FFIL did nothing about the abuse. The stress of living at home nearly killed DuF (he has health issues) and he moved to our city 6 years ago to live with friends. When his parents dropped him off at his friends' house, his mom yelled anti-Semitic slurs from the car and flipped off his friends (who are Jewish) and harassed them via phone and email months after. They blocked her from contacting them. ILs have racked up utility bills DuF paid years back and he cut them off years ago, except for their cell phones (which were on a contract that expired this year). I met ILs in Oct 13 after we got engaged. I knew about MIL's crazy going into this. She was rude to me upon meeting me and called me an alcoholic because I had one beer at the hockey game we all went to. She told anyone and everyone who would listen, and when confronted by DuF she said she didn't believe in the science and was worried that I was drunk driving (I was fine driving him back from the game). This past weekend we visited his home city to run some races with friends. We stayed with his aunt (who doesn't associate with his parents or sister). We were planning to go to dinner with his aunt and grandma, but grandma told ILs about dinner plans and they invited themselves. I got angry at FI. Before the trip I told him I didn't want to see his parents and sister and he agreed. But he's a doormat. MIL bitched about our choice of restaurant and complained that bratty SIL couldn't have anything to eat there. She dropped off GM and FIL at restaurant and went to get other food to bring to restaurant. When she walks in with SIL and her SO, they don't say a single word to me, pull their chairs away from me, and sit in a group at the end of the table. 10 mins later MIL asks me if I got my wedding dress because she's been stalking me on FB and she didn't see pics of it. She and SIL have since been blocked on the debil. She then makes a comment saying she's glad DuF is marrying me because his relatives thought he was gay all his life. Not funny. I glared at her. DuF said nothing in his own defense. They then proceed to attend the races uninvited on Saturday and Sunday and bitched that DuF doesn't spend time with them and they miss him so much. Meanwhile DuF complains about them and says he doesn't want to see them, but then doesn't establish boundaries and then it's awkward. Oh! Before our trip, FMIL saw our engagement pics and asked DuF if I was pregnant, and said I looked it. (We are not expecting.) DuF said he was so taken aback he didn't know what to say. I would rather him have defended me, and that's the problem. He doesn't stand up for me when they are being disrespectful, which is often. Idk why I even thought he'd change, CO his parents and sister. He was paying for their cell phones until last week, when they got on their own plan. I was asking him to take them off for months because he needs to save money for bills and the wedding, and they racked up the phone bill to more than $1000 at one point and his grandma had to help him pay it. FILs take advantage of grandma for her money, FMIL can't hold a job, she isolates FSIL and pulled her out of school for online schooling and is claiming she graduated (aunt, grandma, and I don't think she actually did), they take advantage of DuF and nobody in that family stands up to them. It's a problem, and I don't want to marry into that family. Especially if DuF doesn't stand up and demand that his parents show me some respect. After all this he still wants to invite them to the wedding, while I'm worried they're going to dress inappropriately and start drama. Which they will. I don't want them there. I want his aunt , grandma, and uncles there (the only sane ones in his family). His aunt says she wouldn't put it past his parents to wheedle grandma into paying for them to come to the wedding with money she doesn't have. DuF doesn't GET IT. And I'm at my wits end trying to get him to see that it's a total mess. I'm pretty close to packing my stuff, giving back the ring, and peacing out. DuF has had therapy for this and his therapist said he seemed well adjusted considering, and stopped therapy. I think he needs to go back and learn how to set some boundaries because it is killing our relationship.
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