oh where to start...i guess with BG. my grandad is 84 but is very active. drives, mows grass, whatever. he is a very hard person to deal with. everything has to be his way and his idea. if its not then its invalid and grabage.he is extremely negative and has a horrible temper and is prone to full out tantrums. actually in my extended family if you say to someone "she pulled a Jewell Eddie (grandad's name)" then they know exactly what your talking about. it means the person had a horrible fit. he has always been this way it is not a product of age of illness. Most of the family rug sweeps his behavior because there is not talking to him about it. ***trigger --he was also very verbally abusive to my grandmother when she was alive but she passed in december. to be fair he does have some good points. ther are that he is very loving to my children and would try to help me in any way he could if he saw an oppurtunity. give me the shirt off his back. drive me to a doctor appointment. whatever.
He is a very active person and has trouble being retired. he makes up stuff to do. On any given day he will drive by mine or my mothers house anywhere from one or up to (on extreme days ) six times a day. he drives by or even pulls in the driveway and sits. he waits to see if anyone comes to the door. he wants us to either come outside to talk to him or wave at him to come in. Its extremely annoying. Sometimes if he knows DH is home (he loves DH) he will just sit outside and blow the horn til DH comes outside to talk. he is weird about not wanting to "bother people" so he wont just come up and knock most of the time. I do not play the beeping and waving game and i refuse to be at his beck and call. so he will eventually come to the door if DH is not home.
WHen i had DD this was a horrible problem because he was so excited he would come inside (not just drive by) and visit DD about 2 to 4 times a day...for months! i was exhausted because DD was a bad sleeper. but felt pressure to entertain instead of going to sleep myself. if i am home i usually just have the clear glass door closed and the big heavy door open. so if i didnt want to be bothered after DD was born i would shut both doors like i wasnt home. this worked for a while but then he went around telling everyonein the family i must not want him to see DD and poor woe as him. then he started just ringing the doorbell anyways.
Ok on to my problem. I am due with a boy in 7 weeks and am so stressed out about him repeating this behavior. I dont want to be mean or keep him from my LO but I do not want him here all day everyday. if i say anything he will fly off the handle. there is no talking to this man. he will also talk crap about me to the rest of the family. But even more upseting to me is that i talked to him about getting the TDAP vacine as all of my family is getting it. He flat out refuses. says it stupid, he doesnt need it. hes not sick. He was this way about washing his hands to hold DD as well. just flat out refused. even though everyone else in the family was asked to do it and complied....
This upsets me so bad. I never ask him for anything. Also worth noting is my mother is his biggest enabler. SHe has a HUGE unicorn when it comes to her father. I told her that if he doesnt get the shot he will not be holding DS when he is born. I asked her to talk to him about it since he didnt listen to me. She hasnt said much but i can tell she doesnt want to and is not really gonna be try to go to bat for me. I know if i have to enforce the no holding the baby rule she will also be his FM. She makes excuses for him all the time about everything. he can be horrible mean to her, scream and yell and she just takes it .This IS NOT HER PERSONALITY. he is the only person she lets be this way. actually she is alot like my grandad and we have always had our issues but thats a whole other post.
So what do i do? is it too much, to say he cant hold DS if he doesnt get the shot? How do i handle him coming over so much? and what do i do when he plays the poor me card to the rest of the family?