Ok so my ILs used to be wonderful with little to no drama (especially in comparison to my BSC FOO) but since their daughter and I had our first kids within 6 weeks of one another they've gotten a major case of baby rabies and boundary stompitis and I need your help deciding what to do about the latest issue.
My husband and I were planning an all day date to celebrate our anniversary next month. We asked his parents two months ago if they'd like to babysit and they agreed and wrote the date on their calendar. Prior to LOs birth they had always been respectful of our wishes and given us space though we live 8 minutes away. The birth revealed a different side though,one where they disregarded my wishes and felt the need to justify their decisions by telling me that I'd "understand some day" aka mommy and daddy know best and DH and I are kids that don't know any better.
The situation is further complicated by my SIL who is very needy attention-wise and more lax than I am: let MIL stay for a week pp, let's them pick Dni up from daycare, started rice cereal before 3 months. Not huge things but more contact and alone time with ttheir daughter which they desperately want. ILs are resentful of us for seeing them at least every other week and essentially every time they call to arrange a visit... They're polite but it's still more contact than we had prebaby and I am happy with bimonthly short visits.
So, in their eyes we are already keeping the baby from then because we're not comfortable with open access like SIL. This is made worse because MIL has a fantasy of having both babies at once. She's a typical crazy MIL who bought a whole nursery of stuff, except she bought stuff for two babies. A crib and a pack n play. Two sets of every baby item necessary, one for Dni and one for DS. Way overboard considering we live 8 minutes away and would leave her extra cloth diapers, etc. if she were to babysit.
So, we arrange for them to babysit which she has PA hinted at wanting since announcing our pregnancy. But, two weeks ago she offhandedly mentions that she's going to have Dni the whole weekend when she agreed to watch DS. The kids will be 4.5 months and 3 months old with my baby being the younger one. DH and I weren't happy about them having bothn kids and being sly about arranging it without asking us first. A) they're not super confident with handling the kids, especially FIL B) these are little kids that can't tell us if MIL and FIL were truly capable of handling both at once and C) she didn't run it by us first before agreeing to babysit Dni as well.
I'm pissed because it was supposed to be a long day away from my baby ~8hours or so and I'm nervous because it will be their first time with both babies and I'm scared that they won't be able to handle it because I know theyd never admit it if they couldn't.
I want to be spiteful and arrange for alternnate childcare, but it would definitely irrevocably change our relationship with my ILs and I've been really hopeful that her baby rabies will cool over time since we had previously had a really decent relationship.
Wise dwilers tell me what to do. Am I overreacting because I'm a FTM or am I justifiably angry?
My husband and I were planning an all day date to celebrate our anniversary next month. We asked his parents two months ago if they'd like to babysit and they agreed and wrote the date on their calendar. Prior to LOs birth they had always been respectful of our wishes and given us space though we live 8 minutes away. The birth revealed a different side though,one where they disregarded my wishes and felt the need to justify their decisions by telling me that I'd "understand some day" aka mommy and daddy know best and DH and I are kids that don't know any better.
The situation is further complicated by my SIL who is very needy attention-wise and more lax than I am: let MIL stay for a week pp, let's them pick Dni up from daycare, started rice cereal before 3 months. Not huge things but more contact and alone time with ttheir daughter which they desperately want. ILs are resentful of us for seeing them at least every other week and essentially every time they call to arrange a visit... They're polite but it's still more contact than we had prebaby and I am happy with bimonthly short visits.
So, in their eyes we are already keeping the baby from then because we're not comfortable with open access like SIL. This is made worse because MIL has a fantasy of having both babies at once. She's a typical crazy MIL who bought a whole nursery of stuff, except she bought stuff for two babies. A crib and a pack n play. Two sets of every baby item necessary, one for Dni and one for DS. Way overboard considering we live 8 minutes away and would leave her extra cloth diapers, etc. if she were to babysit.
So, we arrange for them to babysit which she has PA hinted at wanting since announcing our pregnancy. But, two weeks ago she offhandedly mentions that she's going to have Dni the whole weekend when she agreed to watch DS. The kids will be 4.5 months and 3 months old with my baby being the younger one. DH and I weren't happy about them having bothn kids and being sly about arranging it without asking us first. A) they're not super confident with handling the kids, especially FIL B) these are little kids that can't tell us if MIL and FIL were truly capable of handling both at once and C) she didn't run it by us first before agreeing to babysit Dni as well.
I'm pissed because it was supposed to be a long day away from my baby ~8hours or so and I'm nervous because it will be their first time with both babies and I'm scared that they won't be able to handle it because I know theyd never admit it if they couldn't.
I want to be spiteful and arrange for alternnate childcare, but it would definitely irrevocably change our relationship with my ILs and I've been really hopeful that her baby rabies will cool over time since we had previously had a really decent relationship.
Wise dwilers tell me what to do. Am I overreacting because I'm a FTM or am I justifiably angry?