So after many months and no communication from me, I have accepted that PILs are CO from me and my child and any future children. My DH hopes they will come around so he leave his email as an oppuritunity for communication from PILs.
BG summary: MIL wants to parent my child and I won't allow it, after all I WANTED my child. I tried to be civil and I set boundaries in an email. Told her it was up to her to accept them and follow them. Her response was basically you don't get to set rules, I have been a parent longer than you. So I stopped trying and finallized the CO to DH.
FIL has tried to tell DH over and over that I need blood test and test the water for lead...etc...etc. A bunch of bull. Blame all on me and MIL hasn't done anything wrong.
BIL is the cyberstalker and has been busted for shoplifting. He is currently 19 and posted a picture of a 9mm on his facebook claiming it was his. This is just detail for the following emails.
The car you will see mention was traded with my old truck. PILs know nothing about car value. Yes it was a rip off for them but BIL got a brand new paid for car and SIL got a paid for car so I didn't care to rip them off for treating my DH like crap. I am a little pissed because after reading this email, I thought the car we got wasn't the one they had problems with but of course it is.
Last bit, my DH and I got married (JOP) while I had TO my parents for not accepting me as an adult. I was at college, which they didn't visit. They took me off their insurance making my license invalid without telling me. Then they told me to get a job to pay for school because they wouldn't since I wouldn't leave my DH (bf at the time). My mom wanted me to play the field (my sperm donor left her for another while she was prego with me, so she doesn't think young relationship can work). My dad just didn't like any bfs and tried to scare them all off (protective daddy, who I finally told to shove it when I turned 18). So I got a job, DH and I married, lived in our own apartment by college, both graduated with degrees, and now we are just trying to settle with our jobs. Well when the TO ended, my FOO finally decided to accept things, no more PA jabs at my DH, so I told them we were married. I didn't tell them until after they accepted my DH, I didn't want our marriage to be the reason why he was accepted and treated right. I will try to explain it again if that doesn't make since.
Email from FIL on 6/5:
Happy Birthday Son,
[DH's name], I wanted to send you a card, but your mother objected because she thinks that you believe your parents are not worth communicating with. I hope she is wrong about that, because you were always a good-hearted boy. I told her the rule is: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you†… not “Do unto others as they have done unto you.†But I will respect her wishes and not send you a card. I hope you will forgive me.
I forgive you for cutting us out of your life. I have always loved you and will continue to do so unconditionally. There have been many sleepless, troubled nights in the past many months, and days of sadness and loss at missing you and your little family. Recently, Mom, [BIL's name] and I have gone on walks and picnics and eaten at restaurants, etc. while wishing you all were with us. Remember the new state park in [town nearby]? They give tours of the [famous house's name] house now and you would enjoy it. People are catching eels in the lake that taste like mud, so don’t even think about making them into sushi. This past weekend we went to [name of place] Woods in [another town nearby] for the first time since all those ticks fell on us when you were maybe six. They have a new trail now through the only old-growth long-leaf pine forest left in the state. The oldest pine is from the 1500s. We ate at a Scottish pub in [another town nearby] you would have liked. The town has spent a quarter-million dollars for flowers and beautification before the US Open golf tournaments start this weekend.
I wonder if you even read the things I write to you; for example when you needed a copy of your tax forms. I wrote back that I was off work for the week and you replied asking me to bring the copies to work for you to pick them up. I wonder if past communications to you were altered. In the past, some of your replies have not made contextual sense; so I can’t even be sure of what actually came from you.
Mom is too extremely hurt by LearningFast to agree, but I still love my daughter-in-law and accept her as she is. I always thought it was bizarre that she did not want to tell her parents you were married. Now I realize she just does not know how to treat people, especially family. Back in 1936, the United States helped an evil dictator, named Somoza, take control of the country of Nicaragua because he was willing to be a puppet of the US government. Someone said to President Roosevelt that Somoza is a dirty, rotten son of bitch and Roosevelt replied, “Yes, but he’s our son of a bitchâ€. So I feel the same about LearningFast: whatever her faults, I accept her as part of our family and wish she would feel the same way and act like a daughter-in-law. So please tell her Happy Birthday from me. You both have a human conscience somewhere inside you, however dormant; so I hope in the very near future you will come to your senses so we can have happy times together again.
I did my best as a father for you and tried to give you a good start in life. You have turned out well! Every time you start up your car, please remember that I love you!
By the way, do you have a copy of the letter from Nissan extending the warranty on everything electrical to seven years? When I first bought the car, it was towed three times for not starting; so they agreed to replace the battery and extend the electrical warranty. The new, improved battery solved the problem.
Love,
Dad
DH did response, it sounds like DH is finally COing but I will have to wait that one out.
Response:
I do read all of your emails, and all the responses come from me.
Just as mom is too hurt to forgive LearningFast, LearningFast is too hurt to forgive her. We did not tell her parents that we were not married because they were not ready to know, and we knew they would not accept what has already happened. Until they proved that they accepted me, they did not get to be a part of our lives to the fullest extent. I believe the same with you and LearningFast. Until you guys can accept LearningFast again, and really apologize as I was saying when we last met up, I don't think we can ever be a part of each other's lives. Comparing her to an evil dictator really does not help your case...
I hope you realize that my birthday is not until the 8th. And LearningFast's was on the 2nd.
I also hope you realize that if BIL has a handgun in his possession, he and you guys can get into very serious trouble. I hope BIL's facebook post about his first 9mm will be removed. Long guns of any kind are legal for 18 y.o. to buy, but pistols and anything else with a defined lower receiver (like assault-style rifles) are illegal for a minor to purchase. I believe there are some laws that allow a firearm to be passed down in case of death. But if you purchased the gun then gave it to him, that is considered a "straw sale" and is a serious felony. I don't want anyone to get into trouble just to spoil the last child in the nest.
And I don't think I have any letter, but the car is running fine so far.
DH
Yes my DH is jadey and he doesn't quiet believe they won't listen. If FIL response (which he will) I will let you guys know. BTW FIL now only uses his work email to contact DH, I guess he cannot send an email while at home.
Enjoy and I appreciate any advice I can give DH. I really want him to stop trying so much. It hurts him worse in my opinion, but I believe they love their other children more because the other two are dependent of PILs still (ages 19 and 23 or 24). Seriously how do you forget your son's birthday?