So I was looking for a post that was similar to this situation, but I can't find one and decided to create my own.
After many incidents and with the help of my DH, I decided to CO my sister. She then had a blowup with my parents as a result of them respecting my wishes and not telling her I was pregnant. She then CO my parents. She has a DS who my parents wanted to see but as a result of the CO, they were unable to. After a few months, my mother contacted the father of DN (let's call him "S') and asked to see DN with S there. S is no longer with my sister because he is normal and my sister has BPD. S was happy that my parents contacted him and has utilized them for childcare as he travels for work alot and my sister rather not have anything to do with DN and refuses to watch her own child. I've stayed out of this situation as I rather not have anything to do with drama and I felt as though this may blow up in my parents faces.
The situation at hand is S has requested to see my DH and I and hang out with S and DN. We were friends with S while he was with my sister, and S has expressed a desire to have a relationship with us. His only stipulation is that we don't include my sister in this relationship or talk about her if we do get together. I asked my parents about the custody agreement and first refusal rights and it seems as though there is nothing in the agreement where my sister can vetoe a babysitter or who S and my DN hangs out with. I would like to have a relationship with DN and my DH and I like S but I'm hesitant on what could go wrong with this arrangement.
Although I don't speak to my sister, it seems as though she's not interested in her child or where or who he is with- just as long as she is not bothered with being a mother. Do you ladies have any advice? Should I just BH the request from S? Should I possibly hang out with S with my DH and foster a relationship without my sister or will this blow up in my face? Bear in mind that S is completely normal and his rules of not bringing my sister up would be in line with our wishes as well.