I am so jumbled all over the place tonight, I doubt I'll be articulate enough to even get my point across.
TRIGGER My mom has had a rough year, her younger sister (my aunt and one of my best friends) passed away. It was originally ruled a suicide but is now being investigated as a homicide. It's surreal - like we aren't living it, just watching it on TV. My dad has also had health issues, and there have just been some other random crapiness this year.
So with that said, my mother has always had a ... Strong personality. There is her way and the wrong way, usually. She will do anything in the world to help you, but finds relationships harder when the other person doesn't need help, if that makes sense?? She thrives on relationships where she can be the rescuer, I think - it's difficult to describe.
I'm an only child, and in the past my parents have been very financially generous, but since my husband and I don't accept financial help anymore, she has gotten nastier about the decisions we make - lots of control issues.
So my question tonight is - I feel she has gotten outright meaner. A friend's teenage grandson was visiting recently, and she was so ugly about his appearance when they left, I had to tell her to lay off. She complains all the time - and won't let it go. My oldest son asked her recently why she complained so much. But questioning her is like setting off firecrackers in a closed fist - brace yourself.
So the obvious solution is to limit time with her, and that's not a problem. We live nearby, but it's a larger area and there's nothing we need to see them for. But I love my mother and feel awful she's so miserable. We have no other family now that my aunt is deceased, so I feel responsible - not for their happiness, but just for making sure she's not in a horrible depression or something.
I don't know. I'm almost 40 years old and she's disgusted my husband took a weekend away to see his family - "real" husbands don't do that and so she's got her panties in a bunch our family makes different choices.
And everyone thinks she's so wonderful - which is actually fascinating, because they see the "helping", not the "controlling".
So limiting contact is a done deal. I've thought about suggesting to my dad he might want to get her back into therapy, she went for years. Protecting my kids from her meanness is a done deal, but I'm not sure what else I could/should do - I know she's unhappy. But I can't control her emotions. It's just sad.
TRIGGER My mom has had a rough year, her younger sister (my aunt and one of my best friends) passed away. It was originally ruled a suicide but is now being investigated as a homicide. It's surreal - like we aren't living it, just watching it on TV. My dad has also had health issues, and there have just been some other random crapiness this year.
So with that said, my mother has always had a ... Strong personality. There is her way and the wrong way, usually. She will do anything in the world to help you, but finds relationships harder when the other person doesn't need help, if that makes sense?? She thrives on relationships where she can be the rescuer, I think - it's difficult to describe.
I'm an only child, and in the past my parents have been very financially generous, but since my husband and I don't accept financial help anymore, she has gotten nastier about the decisions we make - lots of control issues.
So my question tonight is - I feel she has gotten outright meaner. A friend's teenage grandson was visiting recently, and she was so ugly about his appearance when they left, I had to tell her to lay off. She complains all the time - and won't let it go. My oldest son asked her recently why she complained so much. But questioning her is like setting off firecrackers in a closed fist - brace yourself.
So the obvious solution is to limit time with her, and that's not a problem. We live nearby, but it's a larger area and there's nothing we need to see them for. But I love my mother and feel awful she's so miserable. We have no other family now that my aunt is deceased, so I feel responsible - not for their happiness, but just for making sure she's not in a horrible depression or something.
I don't know. I'm almost 40 years old and she's disgusted my husband took a weekend away to see his family - "real" husbands don't do that and so she's got her panties in a bunch our family makes different choices.
And everyone thinks she's so wonderful - which is actually fascinating, because they see the "helping", not the "controlling".
So limiting contact is a done deal. I've thought about suggesting to my dad he might want to get her back into therapy, she went for years. Protecting my kids from her meanness is a done deal, but I'm not sure what else I could/should do - I know she's unhappy. But I can't control her emotions. It's just sad.