BG:
I am 30 years old. I have never had a good relationship with my mom. I was raised 95% by my (paternal) grandparents. My mother's father was a terrible drunk who was beaten to death while heavily intoxicated, a crime that was never solved. He was heavily in debt, which I speculate was the reason for the murder. Her mother died of brain cancer when she was around 17. She married my father and my grandparents gave them a house and paid all their bills and raised their children. I am the second child of four.
The first house that my dh and I bought was in Midwest near my FOO. We, unfortunately, still own it and are renting it out. We moved to the Southeast because of my family's (read: MOO) craziness.
My mother has a serious alcohol issue. Since we moved she has visited us four times each time staying with us. She purposely turns our house upside down. Breaks our rules. Accuses us of outlandish stuff. Badmouths us to our ds and neighbors. I am ashamed to say she brought her very flea ridden dog here and infested our house badly and we spent $3000+ to remedy the situation. I have wanted to cut her out since I was 16 (maybe before).
I married when I was 23.
Issue at hand:
Every time she has come to visit I have told her she is staying in a hotel and every time she ended up staying at my house.
Last time I told her every time she called to plan the trip that she was not staying here and she still ended up staying here.
She is planning on coming this week. I am pregnant due Oct. 7 with a dd.
1. I told her that I was pregnant. She insisted that she was coming to stay at the house while I was giving birth and a few weeks after to help. I told her no ds is staying with regular sitter who we are all comfortable with.
2. She called over and over again demanding that I she was staying. I used a technique that I had read in a book about manipulative/narcissistic people and refused to empathize with her or talk in a sad voice and kept saying in a happy voice "we are looking forward to family time alone without you."
3. She works as a cleaning lady for a family with a very disabled adult child. Every year they take their children, grandchildren, children's spouses and friends on a two-week vacation to Disney World in July. They are leaving on or about the 11th.
4. She calls me and informs me that she wants to visit my younger sister who has a beach front condo on the gulf. My house happens to line up with her driving route perfectly to break up the driving. She calls me and tells me she needs to stay at my house a few days on her way there and back because she is driving like 13 hours.
5. The first thing that I tell her is we are going to TN on vacation so we can meet here there for lunch. She says I don't care if your there (at your house) or not just leave enough ABC and leave the key in the mailbox.
6. I explain that she is not staying at our house under any circumstances. We get into an argument lots of manipulation (crying, martyr, ect.). She doesn't listen to anything I say ever. I end the call by saying "ok whatever good bye." Then I realize that she will take that as a yes so I text her "You are welcome to visit but get a hotel."
she texts "why."
I don't answer then "call me."
She then calls my phone and leaves 15 messages. I block her and erase the messages.
7. Like a week later (yesterday) she texts my husband a long ranting message about how he has stolen my phone because he doesn't want her to stay at my house even though I (op) do. And he is jealous/controlling. She says that he has stolen my phone and texting as me and is saying things that I would never say/do. She says that she was always welcome at my house before and I never once told her otherwise and we (me and my MOO) had been planning this for a year.
She said that she misses me and "her grandson" terribly and has been looking forward to seeing us all year and I promised I would be available.
She ends the call by saying that she is worried that he has murdered me and if I don't call by 7pm she is calling the police.
8. He calls me telling me that I need to call my mother immediately. He has a demanding job and to take care of my mother. I explain to him everything. He says fine. don't call.
question what else can I do? do you see why she is so crazy making?