I need some advice on how to approach this issue. My 2 sisters and I had decided to throw a baby shower for our step sister(SS), due in November. This is her second baby, but her first is 10 so we figured it'd be a nice gesture since she has no baby items.
We asked our stepmom if she would be interested in helping us plan this since we don't know most of her family. We were thinking a smallish shower, 30 people max. So we decide in a date and venue but, we've all been busy this summer and hadn't had a chance to discuss it any further.
Well, this past Friday I login to the debil and see that an event has been created for this baby shower and there are more than 60 people invited. And step sister has posted that the bedding set she wants is sold out everywhere except one website and she REALLY loves it and wants someone to get it for her.
A little BG: my step sister is an only child, my dad and step mom have been married for 5 years, together for 10. We did not grow up together but we all get along and do involve everyone in birthday, holidays, etc. My step mom tends to take suggestions and completely take them over. She does things to basically show off and as a 'look at me' type thing. She also can do no wrong and she does the classic non-apology 'I'm sorry you feel that way, but'.
So when I see this event has been created, without mine or my sisters' input, the ones who originally wanted to do the shower, I am pissed!
I messaged her and my sisters:
OP: What does everyone's weekend look like next week? We do need to discuss the shower. When I originally was thinking of doing this, I was thinking a small shower with close family and a few friends. 30 people at most. More than 60 people have been invited to a 4 hour shower. That's just a lot more than I was planning on spending time and money wise.
So if we could all get together soon to talk about this, that'd be great
SM:Sat. is good for me. I have a hair apt but Any time after that. Sorry about the guest list OP. My Mom was the youngest of 12 children. We have a lot of family. Tons of cousins that I didn't invite. The list doesn't even include SS DH family as they are doing a separate shower, if you can believe that!! I doubt all of those people will come, but I wasn't expecting you, SIS 1 and SIS 2 to pay for everything. I'll have a few people make a dish too. I'll ask my mom to make a veggie tray, maybe your grandma (dad's mom) can make deviled eggs, etc. We can decide on a menu, decorations, games, etc. Maybe each one of you can do a game and bring a dish???? We should have discussed prior to the fb invite. It will be ok.
OP:This was originally something we wanted to do for her. Nothing huge and over the top, just simple. Obviously the 'invitation' has been sent and we can't change that now. But if we are the hosts, we are the only ones to be bringing anything for this. If other people are going to be involved, they need to be listed as hosts too.
I just need to step away from this at the moment. Figure out a time that works next Saturday to meet up and I'll discuss it further.
SM:It means a lot to SS (and me) that you gals want to do this for her. I'd like to talk about what you have in mind. I didn't mean to step on toes. If you guys don't want to do games, and just want to do door prizes or something simple, that is fine with me. Whatever you want to do is fine. I'll cover whatever cost you'd like as I know you weren't planning on a larger group. I'll help with whatever you'd like. Many of the people invited will not make it. I requested an rsvp by Aug. 23 and will send out a reminder a couple of days prior. This should help to know how large a group we will actually have. We can also shorten the time if you want. 2:00 to 5:00??
So it seems as if she's willing to adjust this party a bit, but we know that when we go over to discuss it Saturday, our concerns/thoughts about how we wanted to do this are going to end up being completely ignored. We (my sisters and I) got together Monday night and talked about what we really wanted,, but we know it won't go the way we'd like. We are basically at a loss and are very tempted to just back out of this circus.This is something we wanted to do ourselves, as a gift for her. We are being made to feel like guests and if we can bring something to help out, that'd be great.
I guess my question would be is it too late to cancel this shower and throw the one we had wanted or just back out completely?
We asked our stepmom if she would be interested in helping us plan this since we don't know most of her family. We were thinking a smallish shower, 30 people max. So we decide in a date and venue but, we've all been busy this summer and hadn't had a chance to discuss it any further.
Well, this past Friday I login to the debil and see that an event has been created for this baby shower and there are more than 60 people invited. And step sister has posted that the bedding set she wants is sold out everywhere except one website and she REALLY loves it and wants someone to get it for her.
A little BG: my step sister is an only child, my dad and step mom have been married for 5 years, together for 10. We did not grow up together but we all get along and do involve everyone in birthday, holidays, etc. My step mom tends to take suggestions and completely take them over. She does things to basically show off and as a 'look at me' type thing. She also can do no wrong and she does the classic non-apology 'I'm sorry you feel that way, but'.
So when I see this event has been created, without mine or my sisters' input, the ones who originally wanted to do the shower, I am pissed!
I messaged her and my sisters:
OP: What does everyone's weekend look like next week? We do need to discuss the shower. When I originally was thinking of doing this, I was thinking a small shower with close family and a few friends. 30 people at most. More than 60 people have been invited to a 4 hour shower. That's just a lot more than I was planning on spending time and money wise.
So if we could all get together soon to talk about this, that'd be great
SM:Sat. is good for me. I have a hair apt but Any time after that. Sorry about the guest list OP. My Mom was the youngest of 12 children. We have a lot of family. Tons of cousins that I didn't invite. The list doesn't even include SS DH family as they are doing a separate shower, if you can believe that!! I doubt all of those people will come, but I wasn't expecting you, SIS 1 and SIS 2 to pay for everything. I'll have a few people make a dish too. I'll ask my mom to make a veggie tray, maybe your grandma (dad's mom) can make deviled eggs, etc. We can decide on a menu, decorations, games, etc. Maybe each one of you can do a game and bring a dish???? We should have discussed prior to the fb invite. It will be ok.
OP:This was originally something we wanted to do for her. Nothing huge and over the top, just simple. Obviously the 'invitation' has been sent and we can't change that now. But if we are the hosts, we are the only ones to be bringing anything for this. If other people are going to be involved, they need to be listed as hosts too.
I just need to step away from this at the moment. Figure out a time that works next Saturday to meet up and I'll discuss it further.
SM:It means a lot to SS (and me) that you gals want to do this for her. I'd like to talk about what you have in mind. I didn't mean to step on toes. If you guys don't want to do games, and just want to do door prizes or something simple, that is fine with me. Whatever you want to do is fine. I'll cover whatever cost you'd like as I know you weren't planning on a larger group. I'll help with whatever you'd like. Many of the people invited will not make it. I requested an rsvp by Aug. 23 and will send out a reminder a couple of days prior. This should help to know how large a group we will actually have. We can also shorten the time if you want. 2:00 to 5:00??
So it seems as if she's willing to adjust this party a bit, but we know that when we go over to discuss it Saturday, our concerns/thoughts about how we wanted to do this are going to end up being completely ignored. We (my sisters and I) got together Monday night and talked about what we really wanted,, but we know it won't go the way we'd like. We are basically at a loss and are very tempted to just back out of this circus.This is something we wanted to do ourselves, as a gift for her. We are being made to feel like guests and if we can bring something to help out, that'd be great.
I guess my question would be is it too late to cancel this shower and throw the one we had wanted or just back out completely?