Using a throwaway because I don't want anyone to know how messed up I am...
Background: My sister is 10 years older then I am. She was married for almost 20 years when she left her husband 2 years ago. He was abusive, a drug addict and a drunk the entire time they were together. They have a now 16 y/o and a 4 y/o.
I have a now 14 y/o, 12 y/o and 31 month old twins. But this all started when my babies were 7 months.
My sister and I have had bad relationship since my oldest was born. She said I took away from her daughter. She is adopted and when I was pregnant with my 2nd she found her birth parents, and started favoring them over our mother. She said to the host of my babyshower(for the twins) I only got pregnant to hurt her. Each time I told her I was pregnant she has started crying and yelling that I ruin everything and don't care about her.
Our mom has had a hard time with the birth parents thing. but won't say anything to my sister for fear of upsetting her. My sister will tell anyone that I'm the favorite child and I was treated better and blah blah. which is crap. My mother has 5 kids, 3 are adopted and 2 are by birth. I am one by birth but the rest of our siblings don't see how any of us are favored.
My SO and I spend every other holiday with our family's. My sister won't buy or accept gifts on the ones we spend with SO family. For months before and after she wouldn't talk to me as punishment.
I have tried and tried for the family to just let her do whatever and let it slide.
Now 2 years ago she was ready to leave her husband. He hit their (at the time) 14 y/o after beating the hell out of my sister and she walked.
Now at the time our mother lived with my family. Sister came to stay with us too. So at the time we had 11 people in a 3 bedroom duplex. She didn't bring money, food or even things her 2 y/o needed. She was able to within two months get a job and an low income apartment. But then she couldn't get free daycare, no funding. So mom says I should watch the kids until the funding is back. She will help me. yeah right...
Dumbass me says okay. Sister moves out and starts working, I get the kids at 5am and she doesn't get them until 5pm. and then on the weekends she says she needs a break and would I watch them? Sometimes I did...
I've had the kids 12 hours day 5 days week for the past 2 years. She will not pay me. She will not send them anything, food, diapers, money to eat when we go out. We went to a theme park this summer and we had to pay for them because she "just didn't have the money" and "tried and tried but couldn't find a sitter for the day" So we paid and everybody went.
She didn't get our mother a mothers day or birthday gift this year but come to find out she got her "daddy" a $100 gift card for his. She also told "her real parents" that she's paying me $20 a day/child and buys all their food. She's been bad mouthing me on facebook. Also turns out she gets off work at 2pm. Her birth mother called me and had the nerve to yell at me for the way I treat "her daughter" and told me everything my sister has saying about me.
I'm done. I told her what happened and that she has to find another sitter.
Our mom and siblings think I'm being too hard on her. She has a hard life and I need to help her. Our mom thinks her BM is lying that sister wouldn't say these things. My SO thinks I need to give her time to find someone else.
I love the kids and don't want them hurt but I cannot deal with this. I have no clue where they might end up.
I just want to cut her off. Is that wrong of me? am I being an awful person? everyone is telling me I'm in the wrong. But I don't think I am. I think I have good reasons to cut her out of our lives.