I was recommended by a family member to stop by here for advice. My cousin said you guys are very helpful when it comes to dealing with in laws so I decided to stop by here to get advice from someone besides my family.
Mil slapped me right across the face while I was holding me 3 week old infant. It was coming, I saw the steam floating from head during the build-up and during my Meet the Baby gathering, she snapped!
Let me give you some details on what brought her to this point before she slapped me.
Before I got pregnant, I got along very well with my MIL, she was so sweet and supportive, but once I got pregnant I saw a different side of her. My BIL and SIL gave this strange warning when I first met them before I got married about her. While my DH (soon to be at the time) was outside playing with his nieces and nephews BIL and SIL told me that MIL gets a little crazy at times and that DH is her favorite.
When I brought it up later to DH he got into a big fight with BIL and SIL because he felt they were badmouthing their mother. I dropped my concerns because I did not like they were fighting.
As the last two years passed, I got married to DH and MIL was fine. I thought BIL and SIL were just being funny because she has never showed an ugly side to me. We’ve had spats here and there, but we made up like a family.
Finally, I get pregnant. She’s the first person I told (outside of DH) because I’m excited and I can’t keep it in. Plus, we were together that day, I went to some silly seminar to because she didn’t want to go along and I guess my excitement was written all over my face. You should have seen her reaction. She stopped in the middle of the hotel and screamed YES! FINALLY! She was so happy.
I get home and tell DH, he responds telling me yes she’s happy to be a grandmother again (she already has 5 grandchildren but this is the first child from DH)
As the months go by, I’m hormonal, moody, have some aches and pains and things that usually roll over my shoulder don’t and I’m easily offended. MIL is asking about every appointment and wants details. It starts to get on my nerves. So I tell her tactfully a few times that my appointments are going well and the baby is fine.
One strange thing she keeps doing before we know the sex is she keeps hyphenating the unborn babies name with my last name and my DH last name. I tried not to think anything of it, because if that’s what she wants to call the baby whatever. Now I have my DH last name but whatever.
I want to get an early start on talking about my birth plan and I’ve already told my DH that even though I think it’s great that MIL wants to be involved with my delivery, I don’t want her in the delivery room. DH tried to fight me about it at first, telling me that she was in SILs room when she delivered. I told him if he needs his mommy he can sit in the waiting room and they can hold hands and I’ll push the baby out alone. He gave me a CBF and left me alone after that. All of my family live out of State. I met my husband in the military and when I married him I moved to his home town on the other side of the country.
Well, Thanks giving I’m at BIL’s house and MIL decides to ask me in front of the entire family who I’m having in the delivery room since my parents are not flying up until six weeks after the baby is born (my mother’s choice she says I needed to bond with my baby first)
I tell her just DH. She fans me off, telling me that she needs to be there for her son and it’s not just about me. Cue, CBF from me. I told her I’m the only one who will be in pain and pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. My body is my privacy and my business only. I get the only say in who sees my body and I can care less who gets offended. Of course the room went silent and her only response was “if you don’t let me see my grandchild born, I will never forgive youâ€. I shrugged and said, then you won’t forgive me then.
Finally I go into labor, DH is a DUH and needed his mommy so he called her. She burst into my room while I’m having contractions with a victorious smile that she’s out ranked me and I was in so much pain I called all of their bluffs. I called for the nurse and told her to kick them both out and they are not allowed back in until after the baby is born.
DH flips and realizes I’m not playing with him. I’m the patient and I’m not anyone’s dog or play thing. He promises that he’ll send her home and won’t let her come back until after the baby is born and we have settled in. I accept only on those terms and he kicks her out. She’s in shock she can’t believe her favorite baby told her to go home. She starts to cry and storms off.
I have the baby, we bond and finally invite everyone to meet my little girl. MIL did not come because she was upset and holding her “I’ll never forgive you†promise. DH said she’ll get over it.
We get home and this is when it really gets bad. About a week later she decides to come around and meet her grandchild. The first thing she does is try to snatch the baby out of my arms. I had a good grip and I wasn’t letting go. I told her she was going to break my child if she didn’t let go. MIL let go and told me she did not have to ask to hold her baby. DH comes out of the kitchen and pulls his mother into a hug and says “of course not mom!†and she pulls away from him. “I’m not talking to you, I’m talking about my baby right their!†pointing at my daughter. DH tells her that’s not your baby, that’s your grandchild. She did not like being corrected so she told us when we learn some respect to give her a call.
I did not see her again until the third week. The day that she slapped me.
We had a Meet The Baby planned for DH’s family so everyone could meet the baby at once. We had two conditions, everyone washes their hands and no one has a cold. I did not mind because his family seems fine about boundaries with the exception of his mother.
So MIL arrives about an hour late, stating that she wanted to give everyone a chance to meet her baby so that she would spend some alone time with her baby. The room went silent, and DH said again, this is not your baby this is jj48186’s baby and my baby. You are the grandmother. She huffs and walks over to snatch the baby who is latched onto my breast, eating. I scream from the pain and yell, “give me my baby back†She huffs and turns away from me.
DH walked out to her and snatched the baby out of her arms and handed her back to me. The remaining family members are disgusted by her behavior and tell her about herself as they pack up to leave. She’s officially ruined the Meet the Baby gathering. As people start leaving, MIL breaks down.
“You never treated me like this before DH, what is wrong with you? I thought we were going to raise the baby as a family, just me and you…†DH laughs and points to me holding the baby.
“That is my family mom. I love you very much, but don’t ask me to choose you over my wife and child. I think we both know the outcome.†I was so shocked how he stood up for me, but at the same time I did not realize what was going to happen. MIL walked over to me and slapped me right across my face while I was holding the baby, called me a gold-digging, baby stealing bitch, and walked out of the door.
DH was shocked, he came to my aid immediately and apologized for his mother’s actions. I told him I’m done with her. He said he’s going to go talk with her alone tomorrow. I shake my head and tell him I want nothing to do with her. He’s a big believer in family and he wants to talk to his mom first. It’s obvious he doesn’t want a cut off, but I feel at least a time out is due in place.
Don’t you ladies think so?
BTW, if he pulls the DUH bullshit with his mom, talking about instant forgiveness, I’m packing up my baby and booking a flight to my mom’s house and I might not come back!