First time posting - some BG happy to fill in holes if needed. I met SIL in college, we were friends for years before I met DH. SIL lived over seas for a while, met BIL there and got married 12 years ago. I was visiting at the time when they decided to get married - it was during a visit from MIL and sFIL (DH's sperm donor has been out of the picture for 20 ish years - I've seen him once at a funeral - never met) BIL family are overbearing (entirely different story) Point is MIL was "devistated" at the way SIL's wedding went down - they're still married and have two kids so not sure what the big deal is. Anyway FF to today - DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4 and just had our second DD.
MIL has a chronic prescription pain killer dependency due to a car accident - so her behaviour can be fine or erratic. DD1 (2.5) has had 2 overnight visits in the last 6 months... Went fine but their involvement isn't consistent. They'll make a big effort then we won't see them for 2 months- they are retired and live an hour away.
2 weeks ago MIL called DH to rant about how ungracious I am bc she called me on my birthday and I didn't answer the phone (we have a nb - ringer was off - not a priority) that morphed into how I "betrayed" her during the SIL wedding crap TWELVE years ago / I lied to her (???) etc etc. DH told her off. She calls me the next day to "apologize" aka justify why she holds a grudge over something that exists only in her mind. And to say she and FIL would be picking DD1 up from daycare, keep her for two nights and bring her back on Sunday for a BBQ that she assumed DH & I would host for them - Um NO!
I am not a confrontational person and felt very uncomfortable - but stood up for myself, addressed her "concerns" re SIL's wedding fiasco - told her she needs to move on and told her that she needs to be consist and with our DD1 or go away. Of course panties were bunched - call did not end well.
Ff a few days and cue the rug sweeping text mags - wants to see her new grandbaaaby and take me out for lunch - I pick a day etc etc
I'm torn - I want my girls to have a relationship with the sober / coherent version of MIL but dont want them let down but the cray cray version.
ETA - FIL is very sober and capable. DD has never spent time alone with MIL.
Thoughts??
MIL has a chronic prescription pain killer dependency due to a car accident - so her behaviour can be fine or erratic. DD1 (2.5) has had 2 overnight visits in the last 6 months... Went fine but their involvement isn't consistent. They'll make a big effort then we won't see them for 2 months- they are retired and live an hour away.
2 weeks ago MIL called DH to rant about how ungracious I am bc she called me on my birthday and I didn't answer the phone (we have a nb - ringer was off - not a priority) that morphed into how I "betrayed" her during the SIL wedding crap TWELVE years ago / I lied to her (???) etc etc. DH told her off. She calls me the next day to "apologize" aka justify why she holds a grudge over something that exists only in her mind. And to say she and FIL would be picking DD1 up from daycare, keep her for two nights and bring her back on Sunday for a BBQ that she assumed DH & I would host for them - Um NO!
I am not a confrontational person and felt very uncomfortable - but stood up for myself, addressed her "concerns" re SIL's wedding fiasco - told her she needs to move on and told her that she needs to be consist and with our DD1 or go away. Of course panties were bunched - call did not end well.
Ff a few days and cue the rug sweeping text mags - wants to see her new grandbaaaby and take me out for lunch - I pick a day etc etc
I'm torn - I want my girls to have a relationship with the sober / coherent version of MIL but dont want them let down but the cray cray version.
ETA - FIL is very sober and capable. DD has never spent time alone with MIL.
Thoughts??