longtime lurker, first time poster
BG: My BIL is getting married to his DF in a month. My LO is 2.5 years old and their only niece/nephew.
Both BIL and DF expressed over a year ago how excited they were to be getting married at an aquarium and couldn't wait to see LO's reaction. Cool right?
Then around Christmas MIL tells me that DF feels that "we would have a better time at the wedding if LO wasn't in attendance." Interesting.. No word from BIL or DF to support or deny this claim. When asked they skirt the question.
Around Easter we find out from MIL that LO is not invited and she is pissed. So am I for that fact neither BIL or DF have said anything. Again, when directly asked they JADE.
Invitation comes. LO's name is not on invitation (even though the reception card says nothing about it being an Adult Only Reception). So, I assume he isn't invited. That's proper wedding etiquette where I hail from.
DH asks BIL -- so is LO invited to the wedding. No. LO is not invited. Not invited to wedding, not invited to rehearsal. BUT they want him there for photos and for the weekend.
This wedding is 9 hrs from our home. We used to live in the area and have great friends there, but they will all be attending the wedding. So no babysitting from people we love and trust.
So, since my LO will be out of his element for 5 days staying in a hotel and seeing "family" (strangers since DH's family only sees him 2 times a year and everyone else he hasn't ever met). All so MIL and FIL and SMIL can play GPOTY.
They expect us to use Care.com or the like and leave him with a true stranger to attend their events ( DH is best man). NOT HAPPENING ASSHATS. I asked my sister and BIL to come stay. We are footing their airfare and hotel. This is all arranged.
On to tonight, DH speaks to BIL on the phone and finds out that they just assumed we would leave LO with my parents for the weekend. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
1. My LO was originally invited. 2. Then they made his presence mandatory for pictures. 3. NOW he shouldn't come at all.
DH is on my side that this is ridiculous and that they are being asshats for not telling us until less than a month before the wedding when we have already scheduled daycare. BUT he won't say anything because "it's their day, they can choose to not have LO in attendance". I agree with that that statement, however, the PA bullshit is what gets me
So, ladies of DWIL, how do I convey to DH that LO not being invited is not the issue BUT that his BIL and DF's PA bullshit is the problem?
I'm not looking to start WWIII with DH's family. I'll keep quiet and be nice while my Mama Bear wants to rip their throats out for pretending my son doesn't exist.
Every time we argue he says that I'm upset LO isn't invited. I'm guessing he wants it to be that simple and he's being a DUH. Nothing I'm saying is getting him to understand that they just aren't into LO. I'm lost and since the wedding is getting closer, the fighting has gotten worse
Anyone have words of wisdom?
BG: My BIL is getting married to his DF in a month. My LO is 2.5 years old and their only niece/nephew.
Both BIL and DF expressed over a year ago how excited they were to be getting married at an aquarium and couldn't wait to see LO's reaction. Cool right?
Then around Christmas MIL tells me that DF feels that "we would have a better time at the wedding if LO wasn't in attendance." Interesting.. No word from BIL or DF to support or deny this claim. When asked they skirt the question.
Around Easter we find out from MIL that LO is not invited and she is pissed. So am I for that fact neither BIL or DF have said anything. Again, when directly asked they JADE.
Invitation comes. LO's name is not on invitation (even though the reception card says nothing about it being an Adult Only Reception). So, I assume he isn't invited. That's proper wedding etiquette where I hail from.
DH asks BIL -- so is LO invited to the wedding. No. LO is not invited. Not invited to wedding, not invited to rehearsal. BUT they want him there for photos and for the weekend.
This wedding is 9 hrs from our home. We used to live in the area and have great friends there, but they will all be attending the wedding. So no babysitting from people we love and trust.
So, since my LO will be out of his element for 5 days staying in a hotel and seeing "family" (strangers since DH's family only sees him 2 times a year and everyone else he hasn't ever met). All so MIL and FIL and SMIL can play GPOTY.
They expect us to use Care.com or the like and leave him with a true stranger to attend their events ( DH is best man). NOT HAPPENING ASSHATS. I asked my sister and BIL to come stay. We are footing their airfare and hotel. This is all arranged.
On to tonight, DH speaks to BIL on the phone and finds out that they just assumed we would leave LO with my parents for the weekend. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
1. My LO was originally invited. 2. Then they made his presence mandatory for pictures. 3. NOW he shouldn't come at all.
DH is on my side that this is ridiculous and that they are being asshats for not telling us until less than a month before the wedding when we have already scheduled daycare. BUT he won't say anything because "it's their day, they can choose to not have LO in attendance". I agree with that that statement, however, the PA bullshit is what gets me
So, ladies of DWIL, how do I convey to DH that LO not being invited is not the issue BUT that his BIL and DF's PA bullshit is the problem?
I'm not looking to start WWIII with DH's family. I'll keep quiet and be nice while my Mama Bear wants to rip their throats out for pretending my son doesn't exist.
Every time we argue he says that I'm upset LO isn't invited. I'm guessing he wants it to be that simple and he's being a DUH. Nothing I'm saying is getting him to understand that they just aren't into LO. I'm lost and since the wedding is getting closer, the fighting has gotten worse
Anyone have words of wisdom?