M husband has a strained relationship with his brother. We weren't getting along with my parents-in-law after ODD came along (usual boundary problems). My parents-in-law bad-mouthed us to DH's brother and everything went downhill after that.
My brother-in-law is getting married in a few weeks. We have a newborn and a 2 year old that requires special care. She doesn't go to daycare and chldcare is hard to come by due to her health problems. Our in-laws have not been there for us at all throughout all of her health problems... and we've had a rough past few years.
My brother-in-law lives 2.5 hours away from us (each way). He expects my husband to drive to their hometown on three different days... Bachelor party, rehearsal dinner, wedding day. For the wedding, he wants my husband to be there from 8 am until the wedding ends - probably around 1 am or whenever. So DH will be away from us for three to four days.
I have to stay behind and watch the kids. March baby is too small for all the festivities and my 2 year old can't attend any big gatherings due to her health problems. Our in-laws have guilt tripped us over the kids not being at the wedding - even though the kids are too young anyway. My IL's have been completely not understanding about my ODD's health problems.
Anyway, because my IL's are such difficult people, I don't know if it is reasonable to expect my husband to be away for this wedding, when (a) I have to take care of two kids by myself with no help/ daycare because of my ODD's health issues and (b) they have not been there for us & our relationship isn't great.
It would help us if my husband could either show up on the wedding day closer to the wedding's start time (4:30 pm), or skip the rehearsal dinner (no actual rehearsing for the wedding will take place). Are we being too unreasonable?
What do you think?