BG
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a46387318/death_in_the_family_-_ud_wquestion
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a40902880/my_teenager_and_the_debil
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a40916617/what_do_i_do?cpg=2&csi=2414934966&pd=1
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a40824118/to_mother_chest_pains
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a40916617/what_do_i_do
Original Posting under prev sn
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a38735392/ud_pg_3_wemail-_my_foo_my_daughter._long_of_course_trigger
Ok, so, if you read the ugly history, I thank you for taking the time to read this. I don't have too much, but wanted to get feedback. It's been over a year since I TO my parents. I've been attending counseling and I'm dealing with the abuse as well as the reasons for the CO. ODD overall is doing fantastic, but she did have a breakdown and did end up in the hospital for about a week. She's home now and is starting to try to get along.
BUT - the thing is that I'm still not entirely comfortable with my lack of contact with my extended family. My girls ask about them a lot, the older wondering if they will ever come around, the younger not totally understanding why we don't see them, despite my explanations.
I did see them this past weekend. My cousin got married and my husband and I went to the wedding. They kept their distance for the most part, except for deciding to sit at the table my brother, his kids, my cousin & aunt were at. Even though there were not enough seats for everyone at the table and that was obvious. I just got up and said, no problem, we'll just move to another table and DH and I sat with another cousin and his family. No one said a thing, no one tried to stop me, they just let me walk away. Yes, that hurt, but whatever, the wedding wasn't a place to cause a scene.
So, my father emailed me last week asking to please see myself and my family. After much discussion with my therapist and my husband, I wrote back and said that i am open to a relationship with them, but that i cannot simply pretend things are as they were and that we need to have a discussion before I can fee as though my family were safe around them. He responded that he agrees we need to have a dialogue, but that he does not understand why I would feel my family were not safe around them.
So, this is where I stand. My husband and I will eventually meet with my parents, not sure when or how, but I do not even know what to say. I know that all of this is only to be ELC, but I don't know what else to say. The funeral debacle was a mess, and I just cannot deal with more drama like that.
ETA- to clear up link