So, I have BG under another screen name but I don't want to link it due to stalker sister issues. Basically, I had a shitty, likely Borderline mom. She blamed all of her shortcomings in life on me, because, you know, being born made her a mom and being expected to care for other people is the WORST. The family (shitty step-dad and four younger siblings) moved across the country when I was 19 and she spent the next five years making me feel guilty that I didn't go with them ("Your brother wouldn't be doing this bad in school if you were here." etc.) and attempting to sabotage my life (calling my university -that I was paying for 100% ON MY OWN- and telling them I wouldn't be attending, storming out of my wedding, etc.). She was on ELC (ie. I'd respond to her contact attempts every 8-11 months via FB message - usually right before her birthday) until I neared the end of my pregnancy and Mama Bear had enough of her hoovering bullshit. I basically told her I wasn't going to rug sweep my life and to shit or get off the pot. She responded, "But what about MEEEEE??!?" So I CO. That was 2.5 years ago.
Of course, she's spewed her crazy vitriol to the rest of my family. I refuse to speak about it to anyone (other than my cousin who(m?) I completely trust). Most everyone stays out of it, and after pulling some histrionic shit last year surrounding the death of her brother, most of them now get that she's an asshole, but "that's just how she is." Others, like my sister and aunt, LIVE off of it. They LOVE to do her bidding. Mom talks shit and is "hurt" so her FM's come to her defense and lash out... you know the drill.
Anyway, my brother is getting married in three weeks. I love him and soon to be SIL and plan on attending, at his request. Which means my mom- no, you know what? She's my fucking Egg Donor. Progress!- is obviously getting ready for some good, old-fashioned, face-to-face POOR ME time with the family. So, she's sent out her minions. Here's the FB message I got from my Aunt today.
I BH'd and blocked her, obviously.
My plan for the wedding is to be my fun, outgoing self and get to know my brother and SIL's friends and family. I know ED won't approach me because then how'd she be able to sit in the corner and be so, so upset if she's the attacker? I figured there was no way Aunt would be able to attend, but I learned today that she will be there and she loves making a scene. I have no issues with walking away and ignoring everything, but now I'm even wondering if I should go at all.
I know this is all so fucked up, but having a shitty upbringning makes it hard for me to discern what is appropriate. I feel like if I don't go, it means I'm ashamed and all the horrible shit they've made up about me is true. So, wise DWILers, knock some sense into me and tell me... what would you do?
**Edit to fix weird symbols.