So my parents are in the middle of a divorce. My mother is not handling it well at all. My sisters and I have made it our business to stay out of it, and my mother took that as some kind of betrayal because she claimed that we were taking our dad's side. My mother has always been this way though; if we don't take her side, then we are "betraying" her. My sisters and I are so used to it that we don't even really put much stock into it anymore. Anyway, mom has been super depressed since dad moved out and she refuses to get therapy. My sisters and I worry about her sometimes because she says things like "If I disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow, no one would notice." We have urged her to get therapy to help with her obvious depression but she refuses, saying that therapy is only for "crazy people" and that she doesn't need to prove her sanity to anyone. So my sisters and I have done our best to be there for her while she is grieving over her marriage, without joining into any conversations that involve bashing our dad.
I'm 39 weeks along with my first child. Last night, my mom called me while I was at home and asked me if I would come over and play cards and have coffee with her because she was lonely. I told her that it was a bad time because I was at home and trying to rest but I would have loved to get up and spend some time with her in the morning. She went off. She started talking about how much she couldn't believe that I was still with my husband, guilt tripped me about spending time with my husband, told me that my husband doesn't love me and never has and never will and that he will never love our baby because I "forced" the baby on him. She accused me of being hardheaded and rude and told me that my child will grow up resenting me because I only love myself. I know I should have hung up but it really shocked me. It's out of character for her. I have never seen my mother lash out like that. Yes, she's been emotionally manipulative in the past but never stooping to the point of actually insulting me. Her comments are usually PA about "Well since my daughters and my husband don't love me anymore..." or "I always had this dream about raising a big family and having a house full of grandchildren that I would help raise..." and "Your sisters used to come over and see their mama all the time and bring the kiddos with them, now I might be lucky if I see them every once a month or so for Sunday dinner..." I mean, it's obvious and pathetic, but we were used to it. Last night was just straight up odd even for her. I didn't know what to think. It actually hurt my feelings to the point where it made me cry.
I talked to my dad twice since last night. He first suggested last night that I just apologize to my mom for hurting her feelings to make her shut up. That it would make her feel important and like her feelings mean something to me. But I won't do that because I did nothing wrong and all apologizing will do is send her the message that she can have her way and I will do what she says as long as she starts insulting me and my family. So my dad's second suggestion was that I take some time and move back into the house with my mom right after I have Lily. His reasoning for it? "You giving her another grandbaby should help her out of her depression. She will be able to relate to you more now that you're a mom and the baby will enable you to grow closer and have a better mother-daughter relationship."
Uhm, what the fuck? My dad seriously suggested that I use my daughter as an emotional pacifier in response to my mother's tantrum. I don't even know how to even word the variations of "hell to the naw" that I want to tell him AND her. DWILers, I'm too close to my due date for this bullshit. What should I do with this clusterfuck?