This one is not a big deal... or so it seems anyway, but I'd greatly appreciate some thoughts.
DH is turning 30 next week. I hadn't yet planned anything as we have had a chaotic last few months and I wanted to get through a few hurdles to this week so I could sit down and have a think and plan. Im in AUS, school closed for the holidays on friday and since I am not running around acting as a chauffer I now feel that I am able to take a breather and think more freely.
DH is a low key guy who appreciates just being considered which is why I haven't planned any big shin dig for his milestone birthday. He wouldn't want a huge deal being made of him. I was absolutely going to plan something for him though, a dinner most likely.
The IL's were over on the weekend, MIL mentioned DH's birthday to me and that they wanted to take him out for dinner. I reacted with a gasp, as I knew DH's birthday was lingering in the near future but I hadn't realised that it was so soon. My response was "Thanks for reminding me about that!" and "No, I don't currently have plans". I've previously been a pretty passive, overly laid back kinda person and allowed the IL's a bit too much rope on how they insert themselves into our lives in the past, a precedent I have been working to rectify now as I have been learning more about myself and social norms, boundaries and all the other lovely things that have come with lurking on an almost daily basis on this board for the last couple of years. So in that conversation MIL and FIL have somehow taken the reins in planning what we are doing for DH's birthday next week. Indicating that they'll invite SIL and her family (whom DH is not particularly fond of but rugsweeps his feelings for the sake of keeping up appearances and avoiding dealing with the things that bother him or whatever)
I'm a bit peeved by this whole thing, but it's my own fault for not standing up and saying "Well actually I am making plans for my husbands milestone birthday." Typical me for giving off a one impression and passively accepting something, and then thinking about it and deciding that no I don't like it kicking up a stink about it after the fact. They're doing a nice thing, but I get a bit BEC with them sometimes and I have issues with them overstepping or teetering the line with some boundaries when it comes to how they relate with my family unit. So I feel like the IL's have stepped on my toes yet again. I've let them do it this time, yes, and I'm kicking myself for it.
I'm not sure what to do from here. Do I continue on assuming the role of event planner? Do I relinquish that to the IL's? Do I even feel comfortable being the one to provide the cake for my husbands birthday at this dinner? Do I ask them to have their dinner on a different day and spend DH's birthday evening giving him a fabulous celebratory blow job and whatever else I might like to plan? Do I let them have his birthday evening and just plan something he will enjoy with our family and some friends on the weekend that we wont be able to do on his actual birthday day anyway? What is and isn't appropriate? Gah! I'm so frustrated with myself!
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I need some guidance on how to move forward
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