This is my first post here, and I am on my phone so please bear with me.
BG: My SO and I have been together for 18 months and have 6 month old daughter. Our relationship moved very fast, and we have had our ups and downs but we love each other and do our best to make things work.
My SO's dad passed away 7 years ago from a heart attack. It took him a long time to get over losing his dad, he was much closer to him than he was his mother. Just over a year ago, my SO's mother remarried. Her new husband was a lovely man, although he was not by any means her true love, but more of a companion.
/BG
At the beginning of April this year, our daughter was born. It was a joyous time all round. Then, on Easter Monday my SO's new stepdad had a heart attack. He was rushed to hospital, and on the way had two subsequent heart attacks. He went in to surgery to have a stent removed and was stabilised. It was a tense time for all involved, his own children of course, but it also effected my SO and his sister badly too as they were watching their mum go through this all again. Sadly, my SO's stepdad died on the Friday and we rallied round his mum the best we could. I know people cope with grief differently, but she really did not seem upset by his passing. She admitted she did not love him. She did not cry at his funeral, but for all I know she did her crying in private.
She seemed to use his death as a reason to get time off work and then used it to go on holiday to Florida, or to spend time with SO, myself and LO. I started to question whether she was really grieving, or just liked being able to use his death as an excuse to have us at her beck and call.
During this time I discovered DWIL. I started noticing telling behaviour. She would call my LO 'my baby'. I mentioned this to my SO and told him it bothered me. The next time she did it, he made it clear she was our baby. It didn't stop her. She once said that she had an interest in our LO as did my mum and dad (very respectful and non boundary stomping), that LO belonged to us all. I was still stupidly afraid to say anything against the 'grieving widow' so did not speak up. She recently pulled the 'my baby' crap again and my SO again put her right and she shouted at him that 'She's still MY baby'. Total fail on my part, I was too stunned to say anything. After driving home I promised myself and my daughter it would not happen again.
The most recent crap is this. During a recent visit she pushed me out of the way whilst pushing LO in her stroller and took over. I failed again. She wandered off with her out of my sight, it was for a split second but still not acceptable. I have discussed the latest incidents with my SO because we are meeting her for a shopping trip tomorrow (which she invited herself to) and he has agreed to shut it down if she does it again.
However, one of my biggest problems is how to deal with 1-800-GRANDMA. Everytime we see her (approx once a week) she starts spouting rubbish about LO calling 1-800-GRANDMA if mummy and daddy do anything wrong. Today was the latest, she said LO was to call her if mummy forgot to feed her again (last night LO was grizzly, I thought because it was past her usual bed time, but soon realised she was actually due a feed and SO stupidly mentioned this to his mum)to which my spine shone a little and I stated it would be unnecessary, as neither SO nor I would forget. To which she said, 'Well YOU did last night'. I just gave up. Fail, fail, fail I know. I just don't know how to deal with her. My SO uses the stock reaponsedof 'That's just how she is'. And I have explained to him that it is not an excuse for her to be a bitch and it is not a get-out-of-jail-free-card to behave any way she wants.
Help be DWIL'ers. I am ready to stand up to her tomorrow. I do not want to upset her or cause a rift between my SO and his only remaining parent but I need to assert myself.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long ass post.
ETA correcting spelling.
BG: My SO and I have been together for 18 months and have 6 month old daughter. Our relationship moved very fast, and we have had our ups and downs but we love each other and do our best to make things work.
My SO's dad passed away 7 years ago from a heart attack. It took him a long time to get over losing his dad, he was much closer to him than he was his mother. Just over a year ago, my SO's mother remarried. Her new husband was a lovely man, although he was not by any means her true love, but more of a companion.
/BG
At the beginning of April this year, our daughter was born. It was a joyous time all round. Then, on Easter Monday my SO's new stepdad had a heart attack. He was rushed to hospital, and on the way had two subsequent heart attacks. He went in to surgery to have a stent removed and was stabilised. It was a tense time for all involved, his own children of course, but it also effected my SO and his sister badly too as they were watching their mum go through this all again. Sadly, my SO's stepdad died on the Friday and we rallied round his mum the best we could. I know people cope with grief differently, but she really did not seem upset by his passing. She admitted she did not love him. She did not cry at his funeral, but for all I know she did her crying in private.
She seemed to use his death as a reason to get time off work and then used it to go on holiday to Florida, or to spend time with SO, myself and LO. I started to question whether she was really grieving, or just liked being able to use his death as an excuse to have us at her beck and call.
During this time I discovered DWIL. I started noticing telling behaviour. She would call my LO 'my baby'. I mentioned this to my SO and told him it bothered me. The next time she did it, he made it clear she was our baby. It didn't stop her. She once said that she had an interest in our LO as did my mum and dad (very respectful and non boundary stomping), that LO belonged to us all. I was still stupidly afraid to say anything against the 'grieving widow' so did not speak up. She recently pulled the 'my baby' crap again and my SO again put her right and she shouted at him that 'She's still MY baby'. Total fail on my part, I was too stunned to say anything. After driving home I promised myself and my daughter it would not happen again.
The most recent crap is this. During a recent visit she pushed me out of the way whilst pushing LO in her stroller and took over. I failed again. She wandered off with her out of my sight, it was for a split second but still not acceptable. I have discussed the latest incidents with my SO because we are meeting her for a shopping trip tomorrow (which she invited herself to) and he has agreed to shut it down if she does it again.
However, one of my biggest problems is how to deal with 1-800-GRANDMA. Everytime we see her (approx once a week) she starts spouting rubbish about LO calling 1-800-GRANDMA if mummy and daddy do anything wrong. Today was the latest, she said LO was to call her if mummy forgot to feed her again (last night LO was grizzly, I thought because it was past her usual bed time, but soon realised she was actually due a feed and SO stupidly mentioned this to his mum)to which my spine shone a little and I stated it would be unnecessary, as neither SO nor I would forget. To which she said, 'Well YOU did last night'. I just gave up. Fail, fail, fail I know. I just don't know how to deal with her. My SO uses the stock reaponsedof 'That's just how she is'. And I have explained to him that it is not an excuse for her to be a bitch and it is not a get-out-of-jail-free-card to behave any way she wants.
Help be DWIL'ers. I am ready to stand up to her tomorrow. I do not want to upset her or cause a rift between my SO and his only remaining parent but I need to assert myself.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long ass post.
ETA correcting spelling.