I initially posted last month about my pathologically selfish MIL and the drama she created over my baby shower (she lives out of state and threw a tantrum when we would not reschedule the shower to accomodate her or let her be our houseguest for a week in order to attend). My husband, who is otherwise a very thoughtful person who tries hard to please me, is accustomed to appeasing MIL to avoid her tantrums and guilt trips. He is not on my side in the way I would like him to be in matters that involve her.
When DH was single, MIL was accustomed to dictating the duration and frequency of her visits to him, even if that meant the whole family of five would sleep in his one bedroom bachelor pad for two weeks. After we married, MIL continued to impose (the whole family crowded into our apt and completely trashed it on the week of our wedding) and DH could not put her in her place, so I explained to her that my home is not her hotel and that I will not be having an open door policy for visits. She responded (quite predictably), "but that's what FAAAMILY does." Barf.
Fast forward one year-DH and I are expecting our first LO early next month. MIL has already planned to visit after the birth for a few days (she was told to stay in a hotel) and again at Christmas for a longer stay (she will be at our home for one week as a test run, since this will be the first time we host her since her antics last year and a hotel for the remainder of the visit). If she behaves at Christmas, I told DH she could visit for another week during her spring break.
She is insisting upon booking the plane tickets for spring break NOW to save money and, as per usual, is attempting to extend the visit. DH and I both have busy, high pressure jobs and, at the time of spring break, we will have a LO under 6 months old. I also am likely to have a stressful work event on the day MIL wants to come in---on a red eye flight that lands before 6 AM, no less!
I told DH that I will not have him disrupt our early morning and possibly wake up LO to retrieve MIL at the airport at the butt crack of dawn on a day that she was not invited to come in the first place! No normal, considerate person would have this expectation of working new parents. DH is also MIL's travel agent, because she and FIL, despite being college educated adults, are apparently incapable of booking their own plane tickets or hotels. I told DH that, if his parents can't be bothered to book their own tickets, MIL doesn't get to dictate the travel dates when she insists upon coming on days that are inconvenient for us (he disagrees w me and refuses to lie to his parents about available flights). After a day of frustration and pregnancy hormones, I told DH that he is not to book the red eye flight under any circumstances and, that if he does, he can book himself a hotel room to stay in with his parents, because I will not have it (he has a history of booking MIL plane tickets behind my back). He seemed to acquiesce and told me that he would not book the ticket....but, given his history, I'm not feeling very trusting.
He thinks I'm "trying to make trouble" and that there should be no issue w MIL and FIL arriving that insanely early on a work day for us. He thinks a good compromise would be to have them wait at the airport for a bit and then take a cab to our house after we (really I--MIL will want to maul her golden child DH ASAP and he would never deny her the pleasure) leave for work. I told him that this is ridiculous and I'm not willing to debate it further/that MIL can take a flight that arrives at a reasonable hour on a non work day. This will also be the first visit in which the ILs are left unattended with LO (and LO's nanny), which makes me very uncomfortable, given the tumultuousness of my relationship w them.
MIL is apparently unaware that she may be in a hotel for the spring break visit if she can't behave at Christmas. Should I insist that DH inform her of this? Or would that just stir the pot? Not entirely sure how to proceed. I don't want to set a precedent of agreeing to unreasonable demands/being taken advantage of.
When DH was single, MIL was accustomed to dictating the duration and frequency of her visits to him, even if that meant the whole family of five would sleep in his one bedroom bachelor pad for two weeks. After we married, MIL continued to impose (the whole family crowded into our apt and completely trashed it on the week of our wedding) and DH could not put her in her place, so I explained to her that my home is not her hotel and that I will not be having an open door policy for visits. She responded (quite predictably), "but that's what FAAAMILY does." Barf.
Fast forward one year-DH and I are expecting our first LO early next month. MIL has already planned to visit after the birth for a few days (she was told to stay in a hotel) and again at Christmas for a longer stay (she will be at our home for one week as a test run, since this will be the first time we host her since her antics last year and a hotel for the remainder of the visit). If she behaves at Christmas, I told DH she could visit for another week during her spring break.
She is insisting upon booking the plane tickets for spring break NOW to save money and, as per usual, is attempting to extend the visit. DH and I both have busy, high pressure jobs and, at the time of spring break, we will have a LO under 6 months old. I also am likely to have a stressful work event on the day MIL wants to come in---on a red eye flight that lands before 6 AM, no less!
I told DH that I will not have him disrupt our early morning and possibly wake up LO to retrieve MIL at the airport at the butt crack of dawn on a day that she was not invited to come in the first place! No normal, considerate person would have this expectation of working new parents. DH is also MIL's travel agent, because she and FIL, despite being college educated adults, are apparently incapable of booking their own plane tickets or hotels. I told DH that, if his parents can't be bothered to book their own tickets, MIL doesn't get to dictate the travel dates when she insists upon coming on days that are inconvenient for us (he disagrees w me and refuses to lie to his parents about available flights). After a day of frustration and pregnancy hormones, I told DH that he is not to book the red eye flight under any circumstances and, that if he does, he can book himself a hotel room to stay in with his parents, because I will not have it (he has a history of booking MIL plane tickets behind my back). He seemed to acquiesce and told me that he would not book the ticket....but, given his history, I'm not feeling very trusting.
He thinks I'm "trying to make trouble" and that there should be no issue w MIL and FIL arriving that insanely early on a work day for us. He thinks a good compromise would be to have them wait at the airport for a bit and then take a cab to our house after we (really I--MIL will want to maul her golden child DH ASAP and he would never deny her the pleasure) leave for work. I told him that this is ridiculous and I'm not willing to debate it further/that MIL can take a flight that arrives at a reasonable hour on a non work day. This will also be the first visit in which the ILs are left unattended with LO (and LO's nanny), which makes me very uncomfortable, given the tumultuousness of my relationship w them.
MIL is apparently unaware that she may be in a hotel for the spring break visit if she can't behave at Christmas. Should I insist that DH inform her of this? Or would that just stir the pot? Not entirely sure how to proceed. I don't want to set a precedent of agreeing to unreasonable demands/being taken advantage of.