BG: MIL and FIL divorced 7 years ago. MIL remarried 2 years ago, DH and his siblings didn't even get to meet the guy until they were already engaged (very short engagement, they used to be friends 40 years ago in highschool). Since their wedding, SFIL became possessive over MIL, to the point where he told everyone (including her own parents) that if they wanted to contact her (phone, in person, etc) they would have to go through him. We can't even talk to her on the phone without it being on speakerphone so he can listen in and add his $0.02 whenever he wants. Soon after, they bought property about 2 hours away from everyone and has essentially uprooted her entire life. MIL has lost complete custody of my youngest BIL, a 12 yr old. There is also a no-contact order between MIL, SFIL to youngest BIL. This began when SFIL locked one of MIL's piano student's sons in their shed because he was "being disrespectful." After this happened, BIL came forward with the emotional and verbal abuse he had taken from his SF since their marriage. FIL won full time custody soon after of him. Once, we invited MIL and SFIL over for a BBQ and SFIL came with whiskey in his coffee thermos, drank more, and became aggresively drunk. He caused a big scene about "disrespect" with my brother and wanted to fight off in a corner of my backyard. This isn't the first time he's had whiskey in his thermos either, I suspect it's a daily thing.
Long story short, no one trusts SFIL or wants him anywhere near them. MIL has been CO from the rest of the family, me and DH are the only ones who still communicate with her because we feel that she is in an abusive relationship (which she doesn't acknowledge of course) and we want her to be able to still have one bridge unburnt if it ever comes time for her to escape from SFIL. This is by no means an exhaustive list of WHY we can't stand SFIL, but for brevity's sake, these are the important ones.
The issue today: SFIL and MIL were overjoyed when they learned of our pregnancy, it's MIL and FIL's first grandchild. SFIL has been CO by his own children anyway so idk about any grandchildren on his side. Anyway, the baby is due in December and MIL has started calling the baby "peanut". Ordinarily this wouldn't be a big deal, but SFIL's nickname in highschool was Peanut so I feel like this is over the line. Recently, I shared a pic on The Debil about when my husband sees the babe for the first time and she commented on it saying "And we can't wait for our time too", clearly referring to her and SFIL. That drove me crazy. We don't like SFIL AT ALL but there's no way he would "allow" her to come to see us by herself (we fortunately live 900 miles away from them for the next year). If SFIL came, I'm worried it'll be crazy drama because I'm confident my FIL will want to be there. He hates SFIL and feels sorry for MIL. This is supposed to be our time of joy and I feel like we will be on edge.
To sum up: Is there a way we uninvite SFIL from birth without alienating MIL or FIL?
I've lost sleep over this. 