No background here but can answer any questions.
I am having an early induction soon because of past pregnancy complications and some current problems during pregnancy. My baby will be premature.
My mom has always wanted to come and help us with our other kids and during the hospital stay I'll be having. She and I have had issues and words in the past- I finally free to tell her when she is dismissive of my feelings. Therapy has been helpful.
I assumed my mom would be driving here (10 hours) and asked via text if she was driving. I got back "No flying". I said good. I took her text to mean literally no flying, but she meant "no, flying".
After a phone call, I found out that she is flying here and my anxiety is through the roof. I have had a difficult pregnancy and now I'm having an early baby and I don't want her to come and stay with us or help with the kids after getting off the plane. It's cold and flu season and then there's the nurse who just flew the day before discovering she had Ebola. (You can pick on me all you want but I have enough to worry about without this crap too)
So we asked her not to fly. She doesn't want to drive, which is fine- her choice, but I don't want her here if she can only fly to get here.
She said she'd talk it over with my dad and get back to us.
Her first response was that no offense there are bigger things to worry about.
No shit.
My dh was the one to talk to her and he said it went better than he thought. But I know when I finally talk to her, I will get guilt trips, manipulation, and she will be dismissive of my fears as usual. My dad will probably tell me I'm breaking my mothers heart, which I've heard from him all my life. Anytime I do something that they don't like or that makes them uncomfortable, I'm breaking my mothers heart.
Again, there's a lot to this but I guess this is a good start as I've never aired my family's shit like this before.
How do I shut down the passive aggressive guilt trips that are coming?
I am having an early induction soon because of past pregnancy complications and some current problems during pregnancy. My baby will be premature.
My mom has always wanted to come and help us with our other kids and during the hospital stay I'll be having. She and I have had issues and words in the past- I finally free to tell her when she is dismissive of my feelings. Therapy has been helpful.
I assumed my mom would be driving here (10 hours) and asked via text if she was driving. I got back "No flying". I said good. I took her text to mean literally no flying, but she meant "no, flying".
After a phone call, I found out that she is flying here and my anxiety is through the roof. I have had a difficult pregnancy and now I'm having an early baby and I don't want her to come and stay with us or help with the kids after getting off the plane. It's cold and flu season and then there's the nurse who just flew the day before discovering she had Ebola. (You can pick on me all you want but I have enough to worry about without this crap too)
So we asked her not to fly. She doesn't want to drive, which is fine- her choice, but I don't want her here if she can only fly to get here.
She said she'd talk it over with my dad and get back to us.
Her first response was that no offense there are bigger things to worry about.
No shit.
My dh was the one to talk to her and he said it went better than he thought. But I know when I finally talk to her, I will get guilt trips, manipulation, and she will be dismissive of my fears as usual. My dad will probably tell me I'm breaking my mothers heart, which I've heard from him all my life. Anytime I do something that they don't like or that makes them uncomfortable, I'm breaking my mothers heart.
Again, there's a lot to this but I guess this is a good start as I've never aired my family's shit like this before.
How do I shut down the passive aggressive guilt trips that are coming?