My Df's grandpa died yesterday. They were really close. When his parents divorced, his mom moved him and his two siblings back into her dad's house with her. She never left. That was around 25 years ago. When DF was ready to move away to college (late. Around 27. He worked and went to CC. this is when he was ready to move to Big City and finish his BA) his mom tried to convince him not to, to stay in grandpa's house with her and be all emeshed. Grandpa said 'I love you very much, but you have GOT to get out of here. This isn't a good place for you'. So off he went.
Well, DF's mom is bsc. Badly. And baby rabies with no boundaries. I frequently shut her down like a glitching laptop, and frequently she cries because of it.
Like thinking that she has the right to tell me 'I don't care if you guys aren't married, as long as DF's name is on the bc and DS has DF's last name'
I shut that down quickly. DS has MY last name, the end.
Mother's Day she tried to tell me that I 'Promised' her I would let her take my then 3 week old ebf baby for a while. When I said hell to the no she said 'oh, you need to learn that when I say things like that I mean in ten years'
I said 'No, YOU need to learn when I say 'no' I mean 'no' for the forseeable future. Beandip?'
Well, now there will be a funeral, and we will go. DF is heartbroken, and scared that his foo will be fighting about inheritance. The fight has been a long time coming. My girls will be with a sitter, as this whole thing is out of town, but DS is 8 weeks old and I won't leave him yet. He takes a bottle of expressed milk, so I'm working on a plan to bring an older teenager that I trust to stay in the hotel with DS during the service. Failing that, I'll baby wear and say that there are too many germy germy people around to play pass the baby. (she will cry. There are also family members who haven't met DS yet, but IDC, no pass the baby and NO gmoty at a freakin' funeral).
Here is the question.
I'm usually SUPER good at shutting down the crazy train, but in this instance we'll be in a more volatile environment. I will still need to shut it down. My kids are the ONLY grandchildren and no one expected DF to ever be in a long term relationship, much less have kids. There WILL be crazy.
Do the rules change when there is grief? Do I have to shut down the crazy train more kindly? Usually I just slam it shut. What now?
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Advice for BSC at a funeral 3, 4, 12, she freaked 17
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