I'm looking for advice on how to handle my mil. Here's a little background.
She is absolutely nuts and no one ever stands up to her for fear of backlash. Her husband passed away early this year and it has made her behavior worse. She cries a lot. She screams to get her point across. She ruined the family lunch the day after our wedding because she threw a fit and made everyone leave to drive home to wisconsin. (Husband's side of family all live there).
She wasn't happy when she found out we were expecting. She said she would hold her breath until we were further along.
She says horrible things about her daughter's husband in front of their 3 yr old. She lied about being by her husband's side when he passed away. At the funeral. In front of family. Shes a hoarder, the kind on TV. No lie, no one has been inside her house in like seven years. She told dh that we never should have adopted a dog when my 9 yr old rotty passed 3 months ago because it will lead to marital problems and I will leave and take the babies.
OK so last week my dh is talking to his mom on the phone. We were expecting twins until one passed some time around 21 weeks. I'm now 27. Its a very emotional time for us and we are doing well coping but will still be giving birth to both babies and have no idea how we will handle it in the hospital. Mil asks dh if we have named the baby yet. The one that passed that I'm still carrying. Dh says no. We haven't really agreed on names but we will need one for the death certificate that is required in this state. Not sure dh was aware of that. Anyway, mil tells him that she went ahead and named our unborn child. The twin that had passed. She used the family name... same as her deceased husband, same as my husband, and a name we were considering for the surviving twin. My husband is the second and we were considering having our little survivor as the third. No such luck now.
So here's the catch. I've met her a handful of times (not many because they live out of state) but I don't talk to her on the phone and we are not close. Dh just let's her be crazy and doesn't really stand up for me when it comes to her. He's very attached and affected by her backlash. My m.o. in regards to her has been to ignore, ignore, ignore but I feel this is too big a boundary for her to overstep. My own mother has offered to slap her at the baby shower (my mom's a comedian) which she will be driving out for with sil, bil and nephew.
Should I confront her? If so do I say something before or after knowing she won't take it well regardless of how tactful I am. Should I just ignore her and pretend he didn't tell me, and name the baby whatever I want and then casually mention it to her? Or should I ask dh to talk to her so she doesn't resent me knowing that it makes him uncomfortable?
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