TL;DR: I'm either a wuss about dogs, or I need help wording my concerns about anxious dogs in a way that my parents will hear, or I need to MMOB.
My parents are normal, sane, great people. I like 'em. DH likes 'em. But for some reason they are absolutely irrational when it comes to their dogs (so we think). Since they're normally reasonable people, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm the one not seeing clearly.
First, I know - my kids, my house, my rules. But if my actions are adding unnecessary drama, I'd like to fix it.
My parents' Dog1 was rescued from a very abusive household. She's come a long way and is overall a very sweet dog. She has some "normal" bad dog habits (e.g., jumping) and some "I had a rough puppyhood" bad habits (e.g., randomly deciding that people she knows and is comfortable with are no longer safe people, particularly males). I haven't heard any mention of problems in the latter category in a while, but I'm not sure if it's because 've stopped or because my parents quit telling me after I made it clear that I didn't trust a dog with those behaviors.
Dog2 is a giant breed normally known for being patient and gentle, especially with kids. This particular one is terrified of everything. They don't bring him to dog-friendly parties in their neighborhood because he gets overwhelmed. They had a BBQ recently and he spent most of the time cowering in the kitchen behind my dad. He has several other behaviors that point to anxiety - incessant barking outside, destroying things inside. All of these are even while medicated (Valium I think), so obviously it's bad enough that a vet felt it should be addressed. AFAIK they have only tried medication and are not doing anything behaviorally.
My parents insist that neither dog would ever hurt anyone - "they're just pansies". The way I understand it, a frightened dog is not a safe dog, particularly around kids who don't recognize when the dog is done with you. They also think that my kids are a great way to socialize Dog2 (um, no!), and there is nothing wrong with Dog1 at all.
My concern is two-fold. If they're hellbent on sticking their heads in the sand, someone will get hurt. If someone gets hurt, it's very possible the dog that snapped will be put down.
When it comes down to it, I guess I feel like if I'm wrong, the worst thing that happens is I've hurt their feelings. If they're wrong, the price is much higher.
It's been a while since I've had to address it with my folks, but it has come up while discussing Thanksgiving plans. I said that I'd be happy to host but we'd prefer the dogs stay home, to which my dad replied that he didn't understand our "phobia" of the dogs. Are my fears unfounded? If they're not, is it worth trying to explain it, so that hopefully they don't end up putting one of their dogs down and some kid in the ER? What can I say to get through to people who will hear no critique of their dogs? Or do I just (continue) to control the interactions between the dogs and MY kids, and MMOB?
Edited for symbols