ED and The World's Greatest Enabler, my father (they're still together, aren't they fantastic!!?) have been on ITO from me and my family for over a year. They were on thin ice before that. She's probably NPD but I don't really care about her diagnosis anymore; all that matters is she's toxic to me and I'm happier without her around. Bitch of the 12th order of bitches.
I'm the scapegoat among 4 kids, but she was aRex size terror to all of us. All of us have issues as adults. One is a workaholic, married to a functioning alcoholic. One has bitten their nails so thoroughly since before kindergarten and throughout life that their fingers are now deformed (most likely a manifestation of anxiety); that one married a heavy drinker. Another cuts themself and has attempted suicide and has ended up doing time in jail -- and also is a very heavy drinker. All 3 of my siblings have moved thousands of miles away from ED and father. As a child I was molested and was afraid to tell my parents. I was also ridiculed and called names by a teacher and never told my parents because I knew at a young age I couldn't trust them to protect me (another student told their parents about the classroom abuse, and my parents denied it when the principal called... that was a mess). Anyway, I've self-medicated my anxiety most of my life until recently when I decided DC deserved a better mother and a normal life with normal boundaries, and I got some professional help. I've been diagnosed with Complex PTSD and am working through it. Holidays are fucking hard. It's subconscious; my body just tenses up around Thanksgiving and Christmas because in my past they've been times of intense fear and stress. At least one of my siblings HATES the holidays. Another tries to escape the memories and feelings by taking their family on vacation.
Anyway, the Assholes sent my DC (who is not even 2 years old) a Christmas card that arrived today with a check in it. They have not seen DC since before DC turned 4 months old. They keep doing this for Christmas and DC's birthday and I've BHd so far, but now it's starting to really piss me off. I am in therapy and I'll bring this up at our next session, but I am asking for help from you today to cope with my hatred, sadness, anger and fear. I'm mourning the death of the mother I never had. I recognize now that I've looked for motherly love in many wrong places since forever, and I need to learn to be my own mother cuz the one who bore me isn't able to give a single drop of unconditional love.
I am so angry that they keep trying to intrude on my life.
I am angry that this card is addressed to my DC with no regard for me or my amazing, wonderful, normal DH. Dumbshits.
I am angry that they fucked up so much but think it's all ok when they give money or buy gifts.
I hate being reminded of them. Since I was little, I've wished I was an orphan. Because having no parents and living with Miss Hannigan (love Carol Burnett!) would be better than living with ED and The Great Enabler. On many occasions, ED got so angry and threatened to kill me. Many times I really thought she was actually going to kill me. In the moment, I comforted myself with the fact that she couldn't cover it up, and justice would be done and she'd get locked up for murder. Then at least my siblings would be free of her. We were all emotionally scarred by her, but I believe I had it worst.
So they sent this card, addressed to DC today. With a check written out to DC. No mention of me or DH in the card. I've been BHing her cards and flotsam so far, but I am angry as hell and I want her to stop. Or at least realize the way to my DC is through me, idiots (say that like Napoleon Dynamite).
So I'm tempted to take their card, attach a note, and send it back to them. My note says:
To the sender: Addressee can neither read nor endorse a check. It's therefore completely useless because you won't respect the boundaries of his/her parents. Cease and Desist all attempts to contact Dear Child (<-- Full Name), effective immediately.
Then send it registered mail or whatever. I'm that pissed. And I've already had two Xanax since receiving this decroded piece of crap in the mail. Motherfuckers.
ok, I'm going to drag out the firepit and burn the old Christmas ornaments from my childhood in the driveway that keep pissing me off. I'll do that instead of calling them and telling them:
