My MIL is the absolute worst gift giver ever. I don't think she is vindictive though. Granted, she is my BEC so I readily admit that.
BG: my mil has always brought junk into our home. She thinks this shit is the greatest stuff ever and shoves it down our throats so we get annoyed and just throw it out before she's even out of the driveway. DH has no issues with that. We got her to stop bringing stuff for a long time because my DH would tell her to take it back or he would deliberately leave it at her house. She got the idea. Its usually ratty clothes for my DD. I am very particular, so I don't allow DD to wear just anything.
Christmas gifts have always been an area of contention. For the 10 years that DH and I have been together_ MIL has given him almost the same gift--dozens (literally) of socks, t-shirts that he's told her repeatedly that he will not wear, a particular brand of jeans and khakis, and toys...like cheap $ store toys. (My DH is 35 now).
She's always given me PJs, some kitchen item (think rags or aprons, things she knows I don't need) and a gift card. We do enjoy the cards when they are to locations we actually use but everything else is a waste...especially when we go out of our way every year to get PILs really good gifts.
The past several years, DH has stood up to her and told her do not buy me this gift, I don't keep it. We want XYZ and we are asking that everyone please give us gift cards instead. My FOO is great with this because they love gift cards and we all prefer giving and recieving gift cards. MIL has respected that.
This year DH forgot to mention it and I asked about it and he said she got the message and he didn't think it would be an issue. Soooo, you guessed it. We do Xmas with ILs and it is a repeat of years previous.
Poor DH got literally 11 pairs of socks, 5 shirts he will not wear, hideous jeans and old man khakis. FIL did sneak in a gift card, so there was a small gift worth having. I got the same crap as usual..and a bag full of dish rags and mats. I refuse to use rags in my kitchen b/c they spread germs. I throw them away when my nanny (GMA) leaves them in the sink and have made it known that they are not to be used in my house. So mil knew what she was doing.
We all do a family gift exchange with extended FAM as well. Somehow this year, MIL got DHs name. I asked for his name because DH and I didn't buy for each other. She refused to give it to me. So we get to the family gift exchange and low and behold, DH gets a 12th pair of socks. He was pissed!! She was laughing thinking it was great. Socks are a necessity bitch. DH and I both have great jobs with advanced degrees, we can afford to buy our own damn necessities.
So he's pissed about that but can move on. He is an aduly. However, the kids gifts just make him madder. She buys them a ton of clothes all one size too big for them and they are hideous.....and tells me I can just put them up...again I am psycho about what my kids wear and no one tells me what to do with gifts. She got my DD 34 bows which sounds great but DD is preschool age and every single bow was a newborn size bow. mIL has never seen my dd in those kinds of bows. I only buy boutique bows. She also got dd uniform shirts. We have school uniforms here but dd is still years away from going to school. Who does that? Its like she is trying to be a hag at gift giving or just grand the first things she sees with no thought.
DH says from now on he is going to remind her that we donate gifts we don't want, as there are needy people in the world and we don't believe in keeping things we don't need. So i move on....I think its the end of it and we will just ignore like always. But nope.....
We see her at a different family event and she asks if I saw the clothing item that she bought dd. I say no and she says well I have the nanny (my GMA) go ahead and wash and put things in the closet because we know you won't let her have it...you throw things out... Ummm, WTF. I just smiled and moved on because we were at a large family event. I tell DH and he's pissed, yet again.
So i go home and ransack dd's closet and send an industrial garbage bag out with all the shit I don't want. MIL has been bringing junk in while we are at work and having my nanny put it away so I don't see it. That explains where the junk my kid has on sometimes is coming from. They've been literally hiding it in my closets.
I told my nanny that it is my house and my kids and no one will tell me what goes on my kids backs or in their closets. She was understanding and said she was just trying to help by doing all the laundry and didn't want to offend MIL when she told her to put it away. My nanny now understands that I have to approve all items that come in the house. She was also pissed that she had been made a pawn in this little game.
DH now has the job of telling his mom that we will no longer be accepting the shit she buys. He can be a DuH but is pretty good about putting her in her place most times. He's had years of practice figuring out who the bigger bitch is and I think he's learned its definitely better to keep your wife happy.
Am I wrong for thinking that's she trying to be a bitch and prove a point with the Xmas stuff?? Tags are always removed or items are opened and washed so we can't return.
I'm super pissed about the closet thing. Should I be? I feel like that's a huge violation of my privacy and my home and my kids. Am I wrong?
I do think she means well but hell, enough is enough. Its really not about the gifts, its the sentiment behind them and we feel like she's giving us the big ole 'f' you with her gifts. Thoughts??
BG: my mil has always brought junk into our home. She thinks this shit is the greatest stuff ever and shoves it down our throats so we get annoyed and just throw it out before she's even out of the driveway. DH has no issues with that. We got her to stop bringing stuff for a long time because my DH would tell her to take it back or he would deliberately leave it at her house. She got the idea. Its usually ratty clothes for my DD. I am very particular, so I don't allow DD to wear just anything.
Christmas gifts have always been an area of contention. For the 10 years that DH and I have been together_ MIL has given him almost the same gift--dozens (literally) of socks, t-shirts that he's told her repeatedly that he will not wear, a particular brand of jeans and khakis, and toys...like cheap $ store toys. (My DH is 35 now).
She's always given me PJs, some kitchen item (think rags or aprons, things she knows I don't need) and a gift card. We do enjoy the cards when they are to locations we actually use but everything else is a waste...especially when we go out of our way every year to get PILs really good gifts.
The past several years, DH has stood up to her and told her do not buy me this gift, I don't keep it. We want XYZ and we are asking that everyone please give us gift cards instead. My FOO is great with this because they love gift cards and we all prefer giving and recieving gift cards. MIL has respected that.
This year DH forgot to mention it and I asked about it and he said she got the message and he didn't think it would be an issue. Soooo, you guessed it. We do Xmas with ILs and it is a repeat of years previous.
Poor DH got literally 11 pairs of socks, 5 shirts he will not wear, hideous jeans and old man khakis. FIL did sneak in a gift card, so there was a small gift worth having. I got the same crap as usual..and a bag full of dish rags and mats. I refuse to use rags in my kitchen b/c they spread germs. I throw them away when my nanny (GMA) leaves them in the sink and have made it known that they are not to be used in my house. So mil knew what she was doing.
We all do a family gift exchange with extended FAM as well. Somehow this year, MIL got DHs name. I asked for his name because DH and I didn't buy for each other. She refused to give it to me. So we get to the family gift exchange and low and behold, DH gets a 12th pair of socks. He was pissed!! She was laughing thinking it was great. Socks are a necessity bitch. DH and I both have great jobs with advanced degrees, we can afford to buy our own damn necessities.
So he's pissed about that but can move on. He is an aduly. However, the kids gifts just make him madder. She buys them a ton of clothes all one size too big for them and they are hideous.....and tells me I can just put them up...again I am psycho about what my kids wear and no one tells me what to do with gifts. She got my DD 34 bows which sounds great but DD is preschool age and every single bow was a newborn size bow. mIL has never seen my dd in those kinds of bows. I only buy boutique bows. She also got dd uniform shirts. We have school uniforms here but dd is still years away from going to school. Who does that? Its like she is trying to be a hag at gift giving or just grand the first things she sees with no thought.
DH says from now on he is going to remind her that we donate gifts we don't want, as there are needy people in the world and we don't believe in keeping things we don't need. So i move on....I think its the end of it and we will just ignore like always. But nope.....
We see her at a different family event and she asks if I saw the clothing item that she bought dd. I say no and she says well I have the nanny (my GMA) go ahead and wash and put things in the closet because we know you won't let her have it...you throw things out... Ummm, WTF. I just smiled and moved on because we were at a large family event. I tell DH and he's pissed, yet again.
So i go home and ransack dd's closet and send an industrial garbage bag out with all the shit I don't want. MIL has been bringing junk in while we are at work and having my nanny put it away so I don't see it. That explains where the junk my kid has on sometimes is coming from. They've been literally hiding it in my closets.
I told my nanny that it is my house and my kids and no one will tell me what goes on my kids backs or in their closets. She was understanding and said she was just trying to help by doing all the laundry and didn't want to offend MIL when she told her to put it away. My nanny now understands that I have to approve all items that come in the house. She was also pissed that she had been made a pawn in this little game.
DH now has the job of telling his mom that we will no longer be accepting the shit she buys. He can be a DuH but is pretty good about putting her in her place most times. He's had years of practice figuring out who the bigger bitch is and I think he's learned its definitely better to keep your wife happy.
Am I wrong for thinking that's she trying to be a bitch and prove a point with the Xmas stuff?? Tags are always removed or items are opened and washed so we can't return.
I'm super pissed about the closet thing. Should I be? I feel like that's a huge violation of my privacy and my home and my kids. Am I wrong?
I do think she means well but hell, enough is enough. Its really not about the gifts, its the sentiment behind them and we feel like she's giving us the big ole 'f' you with her gifts. Thoughts??