UPDATE
Please accept my apologies to your llamas and moose and koalas and other DWIL totem animals. I didn't expect to take so long to update, but things have been moving pretty quickly here.
So, last weekend - DH and I decided late on Friday to take some friends up on an offer to go away for Sat/Sun. We were keen to not be home incase PILs stuck around. Early on Saturday morning we dropped our dog off to a friend and headed out on a boat to a small island, with our phones turned off. We had a good weekend, but were a bit on edge not knowing what MIL was up to.
We got back on Sunday evening, and as soon as we turned our phones on it was like they fucking imploded, with streams of text and missed call notifications. DH had over a hundred missed calls, which is like crazy fucking psycho stalker level.
I had messages from my siblings and mom asking me to get in touch. When we didn't turn up for the flight, MIL went on a rampage and called my family demanding to know where we were. The only person i gave a heads up to before we left was my mom, and she can't stand MIL so she wouldn't give her any info.
Mom said MIL was ranting at her that we disappeared when she tried to have an "intervention" to stop me drinking while pregnant. This obviously confused my family and I have had to tell them all that I am definitely not pregnant and never told MIL I was. I'm also not a "problem drinker", I think I had maybe three glasses of wine total (all with meals) in front of MIL. MIL told my mum she took photos of our wine fridge and alcohol cabinet while she was at our apartment, to prove I have a drinking problem. Uh, alcohol is crazy expensive here so DH and I buy some whenever we go through duty free or when we travel. Most of it isn't even open. It's less well stocked then when we lived in home country, so the sudden outrage is bizarre. Mom told her that it was inappropriate to go through our belongings and that DH and i would be very upset she couldn't respect our privacy, and then hung up on her. My Bro received a similar call but just told her to fuck off. They could both hear calls for flights in the background, so it seems MIL was having her meltdown at them in the airport.
Sis (previously a FM) received calls from Dad, who also trying to track us down that afternoon. He told Sis he was in (destination) with PILs and I missed a plane flight so he was concerned. Sis said she knew I didn't want contact with him, why would he think I'd get on a plane. He admitted his presence was "supposed to be a surprise" so he could convince DH and I to take better care of ourselves and treat my in laws and family better. She said that was a terrible idea and he should go home before he made things worse. Gah, this makes my blood boil, it sounds like Dad and MIL just fed off each other's bullshit and got whipped into a frenzy over it.
We got an avalanche of messages from MIL during Sat/Sun, and they were completely awful. It's like she bottled every bad thing she's thought since DH and I got together, and let them loose at once. She told DH he was a worthless POS, he didn't look after his family (meaning PILs), he could always get another wife, she never wanted to see him again and oh and PS happy birthday for next week. She told me I was controlling, ugly, spiteful, evil, heartless. She said we would be horrible parents and that we work too much and would neglect a child so she would "step in". She said DH owed her the money she spent raising him. She made some threats that I'm not going to detail here, but you get the idea. It was ugly and it seemed like she was in the throes of some kind of mental break. (On a side note, I am sure her phone bill is going to be in the THOUSANDS for roaming charges)
Amongst all this was a message from FIL, that was like "please ignore your mother, she's a bit upset at the moment". Talk about an under reaction.
Anyway, DH finally got onto FIL on Monday morning after several attempts calling. He filled him in on the pancakes, messages, pregnancy claims etc - FIL claimed it all happened while he was napping, or reading, or using the bathroom, and all sorts of bullshit and excuses. He also said "we though DIL was pregnant because it looks like she put on a few kgs since the wedding" (WTF, fuck them!) which DH reamed him for. FIL tried to defend it by saying "well your mother always wanted more kids so I think she was just excited and concerned". DH told him there was no coming back from all this, and MIL needed psychiatric help and was not safe for us to be around.
THEN FIL drops the bomb that MIL has been having "adjustment issues" for a few months and saw a counsellor twice before being referred to another doctor (which she hasn't seen). It also turns out MIL going part time at her job wasn't a choice; she was demoted and put on some kind of partial stress leave with less duties. PILs completely lied about it. The trip was supposed to be "a break for her to clear her head and forget about things back home". FIL fucking Trojan horsed a mentally unstable woman into our home and city without even so much as a heads up. FIL even tried to blame DH for "treating MIL badly" for her behaviour. DH told FIL he was dead to us and ended the all.
GMIL (FIL's mom) went to PIL's to try to pick up our stuff. BIL wouldn't let her in the house, said he was "under orders" from FIL because he thought taking our stuff would upset MIL more. My mom was willing to drive the 3hrs to meet GMIL and pick up our boxes, but without PILs there and no proof of ownership (we didn't document anything, stupid stupid stupid) we can't retrieve it at this stage. Please no legal advice, we are already getting legal advice in home country regarding this.
*possible trigger*
MIL's threats were vague and unpleasant, but we are taking them seriously. MIL has a firearms licence and owns several firearms, kept in PILs house. Her father also has a large collection of firearms.*end*
DH and I decided that MIL's behaviour and failure to get proper help means just CO isn't enough, especially given her ability to harm herself or others. We are supposed to be going to (city near PILs) for a wedding in six weeks, which MIL knows of (but isn't invited to). Yesterday I cancelled our flights back and told our friends that our RSVP would be a decline. They seemed pretty unimpressed, but i don't think we need to explain and will just send them a cash gift.
Also GMIL did a drive past PIL's house and saw FIL outside, so it looks like they're gone and are a solid 8 hour flight from us.
Anyway. Fuck. So we are getting legal advice, avoiding home country for awhile, looking into our options for moving. PILs are CO and can go to limbo with my CO Dad. I'm not pregnant and sick of telling people that. We are still working on counselling but things got a bit ahead of us, so it's in progress. I bought DH Toxic Parents and myself The Gift of Fear to start with. I've blocked PILs from my phone and am encouraging DH to do the same. We both feel just completely mentally and emotionally exhausted. Neither of us has been sleeping much the last few nights, and are still trying to process all the shit that has happened over the last few weeks. I know counselling will help a lot.
Thanks to everyone who has been following and being supportive since my OP. I didn't really expect things would blow up so badly and I really appreciate the help and support and spine reinforcement (and food commentary!) you ladies provided.
Please accept my apologies to your llamas and moose and koalas and other DWIL totem animals. I didn't expect to take so long to update, but things have been moving pretty quickly here.
So, last weekend - DH and I decided late on Friday to take some friends up on an offer to go away for Sat/Sun. We were keen to not be home incase PILs stuck around. Early on Saturday morning we dropped our dog off to a friend and headed out on a boat to a small island, with our phones turned off. We had a good weekend, but were a bit on edge not knowing what MIL was up to.
We got back on Sunday evening, and as soon as we turned our phones on it was like they fucking imploded, with streams of text and missed call notifications. DH had over a hundred missed calls, which is like crazy fucking psycho stalker level.
I had messages from my siblings and mom asking me to get in touch. When we didn't turn up for the flight, MIL went on a rampage and called my family demanding to know where we were. The only person i gave a heads up to before we left was my mom, and she can't stand MIL so she wouldn't give her any info.
Mom said MIL was ranting at her that we disappeared when she tried to have an "intervention" to stop me drinking while pregnant. This obviously confused my family and I have had to tell them all that I am definitely not pregnant and never told MIL I was. I'm also not a "problem drinker", I think I had maybe three glasses of wine total (all with meals) in front of MIL. MIL told my mum she took photos of our wine fridge and alcohol cabinet while she was at our apartment, to prove I have a drinking problem. Uh, alcohol is crazy expensive here so DH and I buy some whenever we go through duty free or when we travel. Most of it isn't even open. It's less well stocked then when we lived in home country, so the sudden outrage is bizarre. Mom told her that it was inappropriate to go through our belongings and that DH and i would be very upset she couldn't respect our privacy, and then hung up on her. My Bro received a similar call but just told her to fuck off. They could both hear calls for flights in the background, so it seems MIL was having her meltdown at them in the airport.
Sis (previously a FM) received calls from Dad, who also trying to track us down that afternoon. He told Sis he was in (destination) with PILs and I missed a plane flight so he was concerned. Sis said she knew I didn't want contact with him, why would he think I'd get on a plane. He admitted his presence was "supposed to be a surprise" so he could convince DH and I to take better care of ourselves and treat my in laws and family better. She said that was a terrible idea and he should go home before he made things worse. Gah, this makes my blood boil, it sounds like Dad and MIL just fed off each other's bullshit and got whipped into a frenzy over it.
We got an avalanche of messages from MIL during Sat/Sun, and they were completely awful. It's like she bottled every bad thing she's thought since DH and I got together, and let them loose at once. She told DH he was a worthless POS, he didn't look after his family (meaning PILs), he could always get another wife, she never wanted to see him again and oh and PS happy birthday for next week. She told me I was controlling, ugly, spiteful, evil, heartless. She said we would be horrible parents and that we work too much and would neglect a child so she would "step in". She said DH owed her the money she spent raising him. She made some threats that I'm not going to detail here, but you get the idea. It was ugly and it seemed like she was in the throes of some kind of mental break. (On a side note, I am sure her phone bill is going to be in the THOUSANDS for roaming charges)
Amongst all this was a message from FIL, that was like "please ignore your mother, she's a bit upset at the moment". Talk about an under reaction.
Anyway, DH finally got onto FIL on Monday morning after several attempts calling. He filled him in on the pancakes, messages, pregnancy claims etc - FIL claimed it all happened while he was napping, or reading, or using the bathroom, and all sorts of bullshit and excuses. He also said "we though DIL was pregnant because it looks like she put on a few kgs since the wedding" (WTF, fuck them!) which DH reamed him for. FIL tried to defend it by saying "well your mother always wanted more kids so I think she was just excited and concerned". DH told him there was no coming back from all this, and MIL needed psychiatric help and was not safe for us to be around.
THEN FIL drops the bomb that MIL has been having "adjustment issues" for a few months and saw a counsellor twice before being referred to another doctor (which she hasn't seen). It also turns out MIL going part time at her job wasn't a choice; she was demoted and put on some kind of partial stress leave with less duties. PILs completely lied about it. The trip was supposed to be "a break for her to clear her head and forget about things back home". FIL fucking Trojan horsed a mentally unstable woman into our home and city without even so much as a heads up. FIL even tried to blame DH for "treating MIL badly" for her behaviour. DH told FIL he was dead to us and ended the all.
GMIL (FIL's mom) went to PIL's to try to pick up our stuff. BIL wouldn't let her in the house, said he was "under orders" from FIL because he thought taking our stuff would upset MIL more. My mom was willing to drive the 3hrs to meet GMIL and pick up our boxes, but without PILs there and no proof of ownership (we didn't document anything, stupid stupid stupid) we can't retrieve it at this stage. Please no legal advice, we are already getting legal advice in home country regarding this.
*possible trigger*
MIL's threats were vague and unpleasant, but we are taking them seriously. MIL has a firearms licence and owns several firearms, kept in PILs house. Her father also has a large collection of firearms.*end*
DH and I decided that MIL's behaviour and failure to get proper help means just CO isn't enough, especially given her ability to harm herself or others. We are supposed to be going to (city near PILs) for a wedding in six weeks, which MIL knows of (but isn't invited to). Yesterday I cancelled our flights back and told our friends that our RSVP would be a decline. They seemed pretty unimpressed, but i don't think we need to explain and will just send them a cash gift.
Also GMIL did a drive past PIL's house and saw FIL outside, so it looks like they're gone and are a solid 8 hour flight from us.
Anyway. Fuck. So we are getting legal advice, avoiding home country for awhile, looking into our options for moving. PILs are CO and can go to limbo with my CO Dad. I'm not pregnant and sick of telling people that. We are still working on counselling but things got a bit ahead of us, so it's in progress. I bought DH Toxic Parents and myself The Gift of Fear to start with. I've blocked PILs from my phone and am encouraging DH to do the same. We both feel just completely mentally and emotionally exhausted. Neither of us has been sleeping much the last few nights, and are still trying to process all the shit that has happened over the last few weeks. I know counselling will help a lot.
Thanks to everyone who has been following and being supportive since my OP. I didn't really expect things would blow up so badly and I really appreciate the help and support and spine reinforcement (and food commentary!) you ladies provided.