Long time lurker. I've read the sticky and have my BGP on!
Ok, so today was my sister's birthday. Her husband created a birthday party at last minute, because we asked him what was going on for her birthday. He invited my family (My husband and I) My dad and his girlfriend, my mom and his family. A clusterfuck waiting to happen with the ex's and such right? Luckily my mom and dad are pretty easy going and can get along for most events.
My mom gracefully bowed out and refused to come because she didn't want to meet dad's new girlfriend. This woman is really nice, and I like her a ton, but she is one in a long line of "girlfriends." She choose how she wanted to deal with a hard sitiuation as gracefully as she could. Mom and Dad are divorced. They were married for 20 years when they divorced due to dad's running around.
DH and I went with our 10 month old, because it is my sister.
Here is where the tricky part came in. My sister's inlaws do NOT like my father, and even though they are "nice" it's pretty clear that they ignore him. They are not "our" family but they are my sister's family, so we try to not rock the boat with them to much, because it is her family.
Everyone said hello and had small talk, then sat down to eat. The inlaws started trickling into the house to eat, but when they saw me and my DH, and my dad and his girlfriend at the table, they quickly moved to the deck outside.
At one point during the meal my neice spoke up and said "Mom, Your family is inside, the other family is outside. You should go inside with them." It was clear as day that even the neice saw the way the two families were interacting. My 10 month old was the only one bridging the gap, and that was because she was a "cute baby."
I was uncomfortable so I made it a point to stick very close to dad's new girlfriend and worked hard to make HER feel welcome. I could tell that no one else was interested in even saying hello to her after the first few minutes.
I left at 730 with my husband, and dad and the girlfriend left at the same time.
I messaged my sister and asked her to please call me at some point so that we could talk about it. I would prefer to spend less time with people who are obviouly just not that into our family. I probably should have waited until I talked to her in person, but I didn't want it to get swept under the rug, because I was really upset at the way they treated Sis's family.
My problem now is - I like my BIL (her husband.) I don't want to hurt his feelins. But I'm tired of watcing my family being treated like they don't exist at these functions. Is it acceptable to say "Can we please do something small with just our family, and then you can do something small with your inlaws? I understand that they don't like all of us, and they don't have to. Its just to uncomfortable to have everyone in attendance." Is there a way to gracefully request this without sounding like a whiny brat?