Sorry this is long....regular lurker here looking for your take...for the most part my MIL is a nice woman. in fact, other than her chronic PA tardiness i had very few problems with her pre-baby. now everything she does annoys the piss out of me. my FT job is safety/emergency planning and i tend to get a little crazy about safety issues and i'm an anxious person in general and tend to blow things out of proportion. that said, how would you respond to each of these???
1. i exclusively pump b/c of a slew of issues and so my milk goes into frig and baby is fed from a bottle. i do not warm the milk up before feeding babe b/c LO doesn't care and dr said it doesn't matter. MIL has suggested 3 times that the baby would be happier if the milk was warm and each time i have said baby likes cold milk and its fine. she still keeps bringing it up!
1a. All of her kids were 10+ pounders at birth. DD was all but 9. I heard out of her mouth at least 5 times "DD is so smaaaaalll...all my baaabies were at LEAST 10 pounds" --- which i felt was insuating that my labor should have been a piece of cake (i was induced with pitocin at 38 wks for medical reasons and labored for 24 hours and pushed for 1.....i was exhausted after this). i would imagine MIL's vag was a GD ice luge after four babies but i digress.
2. MIL has diabetes. despite DH's attempts to tell me i am blowing this out of proportion, i swear to you that she is always telling us about "high" or "low" sugars she has. she has had to be picked up from places because she couldn't remember how to get home. she constantly "forgets" to take her insulin and can't remember when she tested her sugar. all this BG is to say that i personally believe people who do not have a good handle on their diabetes are not fit to babysit because it is feasible that she could pass out or have a diabetic episode while watching our babe, which is especially likely because when she comes to our house she plops down and proceeds to hold baby for the entire time, completely neglecting self care like eating.
2a. Related to the diabetes is the issue of driving. I have told DH that neither MIL or FIL (also diabetic) will ever drive LO. They are just bad drivers! DH thinks this rule is over the top.
2b. Also related I do not want LO to stay overnight with them until she is at least 5, or old enough to understand how to call 911 and knows how to do basic self care. DH thinks his mom will be crushed by this. While LO is only 3 mo I am anticipating this request because their only other GC is allowed to stay over, for a week at a time, because parents 6 hrs away.
3. once she came to babysit and forgot her phone. we do not have a house phone. if there would have been an emergency there would have been no way to contact me (or 911!).DH and MIL seemed to think i was blowing this out of proportion and because she's raised four kids of her own and was a teacher she is more than fine to watch a baby.
4. when she sees DD she takes a million pictures and is just over the top. oh she's sooooo cuuuuuuute!! little baaaaaaby!!! holds her for hours, doesn't let her get a good nap. how do you ask someone to tone it down a little bit? i get that she is excited to see her, but come on. it's ridiculous.
Having a relationship with GPs is something I want for my child because my GP (maternal) were and are an integral part of my life. My own mother is very ill and cannot babysit. The day will come sooner than later that my mom is not here anymore and that partially makes me resent my MIL for being the one that will be around. Crazy I know.
I know some of the things that you will probably say is cut out babysitting (and this will happen soon because DD is going to be starting daycare in a month and DH will go back to work...I am already back to work). Not all of these complaints are really about babysitting though. Some will self-resolve with babies age, some will just get worse with babies age. She comes over about once a week, and sometimes that is when I am not there, and DH is home. Her visits allow him to go to grocery store or get things done around house like mowing.
What would recommend on getting DH on the same page as me, if indeed you think that my concerns are warranted? TIA ladies.