Relevant BG: I'm a recently divorced Dad of two girls, DD1, aged 10 and DD2, aged 7.
My parents go through stages of varying religious commitment and are currently deeply involved. Growing up, my siblings and I were brought up to be religious but by out mid teens had mostly grown out of it.
My parents were definitely disappointed and it strained the relationship for some time but things have been much better until recently.
Parents look after my DDs two afternoons a week after school, occasionally take them away during school holidays and occasionally (very rarely) babysit. I see them every couple of months I'd say for dinner or a visit.
They have in my opinion pretty healthy boundaries in general and about spending time with DDs- they have their own lives and friends, and don't push for lots of time with their GC in general.
Since my DDs were born, they've wanted to take the girls to church, sunday school, have told DDs about their religious beliefs, dropped hints about christenings.
I've said no to church, explaining that I'm not opposed to exposing the girls to different religious perspectives but my time with the girls is precious and that time is mostly on weekends.
They've been occasionally to church for special events and once (that I know of) to Sunday school while my folks were babysitting, with the OK from me.
To the issue: there are two recent incidents that have made me very angry but I haven't said anything as yet as Im unsure what to do. A friend suggested I post here- I'm new so please be gentle! She is transcribing for me hence the abbreviations- but she did make me read the sticky.
Issue 1.
Today when I picked up my DDs from school, DD2 (youngest) commented casually that she saw Gran today. Internally I had a WTF, and asked what happened.
DD2 replied that Gran signed her into the lunchtime religious kids group.
(As an aside, I've talked to my girls at length about religious beliefs, taking Gran/Gramps with a grain of salt, being open-minded, asking me any questions, and making up their own minds.)
DD1 joked that she wasn't signed in, saying Gran thinks she's a lost cause. (Insightful for a ten year, old- I'll admit she made her dad proud.)
Issue 2
This occurred when the girls went away last week with my parents. My brother related to me that my mom had a chat to DD1 (and perhaps DD2) about heaven. She mentioned that a daughter we tragically lost, before DD1 and DD2 were born, (paraphrasing) is "in heaven, and getting there is the only way to see her."
DD2 has already shown some issues in the loss of her older sibling. When I heard what had happened, I was furious but tried bringing it up with her to discuss. She seemed ok (but unusually quiet) with it but the whole thing stinks of emotional blackmail of sorts. I hid my anger from the girls obviously.
I plan to go over to my parent's house tonight and burn their house to the ground- just kidding - to have a talk. Any advice from you wise ladies and gents would be really appreciated. I'm a little worried that I'm going to lose my cool..thank you and I've missed anything, please ask away. I will also obviously be fully informing my ExW about everything that has happened. We've been on the same page over the years about my FOO and I always showed a united front on that issue. Frankly I'm embarrassed about it all.
My parents go through stages of varying religious commitment and are currently deeply involved. Growing up, my siblings and I were brought up to be religious but by out mid teens had mostly grown out of it.
My parents were definitely disappointed and it strained the relationship for some time but things have been much better until recently.
Parents look after my DDs two afternoons a week after school, occasionally take them away during school holidays and occasionally (very rarely) babysit. I see them every couple of months I'd say for dinner or a visit.
They have in my opinion pretty healthy boundaries in general and about spending time with DDs- they have their own lives and friends, and don't push for lots of time with their GC in general.
Since my DDs were born, they've wanted to take the girls to church, sunday school, have told DDs about their religious beliefs, dropped hints about christenings.
I've said no to church, explaining that I'm not opposed to exposing the girls to different religious perspectives but my time with the girls is precious and that time is mostly on weekends.
They've been occasionally to church for special events and once (that I know of) to Sunday school while my folks were babysitting, with the OK from me.
To the issue: there are two recent incidents that have made me very angry but I haven't said anything as yet as Im unsure what to do. A friend suggested I post here- I'm new so please be gentle! She is transcribing for me hence the abbreviations- but she did make me read the sticky.
Issue 1.
Today when I picked up my DDs from school, DD2 (youngest) commented casually that she saw Gran today. Internally I had a WTF, and asked what happened.
DD2 replied that Gran signed her into the lunchtime religious kids group.
(As an aside, I've talked to my girls at length about religious beliefs, taking Gran/Gramps with a grain of salt, being open-minded, asking me any questions, and making up their own minds.)
DD1 joked that she wasn't signed in, saying Gran thinks she's a lost cause. (Insightful for a ten year, old- I'll admit she made her dad proud.)
Issue 2
This occurred when the girls went away last week with my parents. My brother related to me that my mom had a chat to DD1 (and perhaps DD2) about heaven. She mentioned that a daughter we tragically lost, before DD1 and DD2 were born, (paraphrasing) is "in heaven, and getting there is the only way to see her."
DD2 has already shown some issues in the loss of her older sibling. When I heard what had happened, I was furious but tried bringing it up with her to discuss. She seemed ok (but unusually quiet) with it but the whole thing stinks of emotional blackmail of sorts. I hid my anger from the girls obviously.
I plan to go over to my parent's house tonight and burn their house to the ground- just kidding - to have a talk. Any advice from you wise ladies and gents would be really appreciated. I'm a little worried that I'm going to lose my cool..thank you and I've missed anything, please ask away. I will also obviously be fully informing my ExW about everything that has happened. We've been on the same page over the years about my FOO and I always showed a united front on that issue. Frankly I'm embarrassed about it all.