I've written, deleted, then rewritten this post so many times that I think I'm just gonna post and see what happens.
My MIL isn't the worst out there, she probably doesn't do enough to deserve being on this board...(shut up unicorn) ... when compared to some. Anyway, here we go.
Family BG: DH and I have been together for 12 yrs, married for 7, our DS is almost 8 months.My SIL and BIL (BIL is DH's only brother and is older than him) have been married 10 yrs, together for about as long (if I remember right) and DNi just turned 6.
1)Yes, you read that right, my MIL had two boys and told both of them (and SIL and I when we got married) that they couldn't stop having kids until one of them had a girl. Red flag number one, right? Yes and no, DH and I were in high school when we met, she'd been saying this most of his life, and when he told me this I laughed it off, asking him "She does know she has no control over that right?" It was just an offhand comment, it threw me for a loop, but whatever, I forgot about it. Then SIL found out she was pg with DNi and MIL calls me and says "You're off the hook." "For what?" "Giving me a girl." Seriously?
2)FF to DNi being 4 months old and we are all on family vacation! Yay right? Wrong. We go to Tillamook Ice Cream Factory, and my SIL doesn't stop MIL from giving DNi ice cream (this will be relevant later)
3)FF again to DNi now 4 yrs old. We're at PIL's house watching the Super Bowl and having dinner (potluck style). DNi is sitting on the couch (danger #1) with a plate balanced on her lap (danger #2) full of hot dogs and ketchup. I'm sure every mother on here can see where this is going. Yes, she made a mess. SIL cleaned up after her and then informed DNi that she couldn't have the dessert she asked for because she made the mess that SIL told her not to. (In DNi defense, she did really good until MIL's dog came through and she nudged her with her foot. But her mother did tell her that any mess meant no after dinner treat) DNi is standing in the middle of the room when she is informed this. She is facing her parents, but once she hears this turns around to MIL and asks, "Gma, can I have a treat?" MIL gets up and gets her one! Not the popsicle she wanted, a bowl of fruit. BUT she was in the room - not even ten feet away - from SIL when SIL said 'no treat'! (And I know, that's on my SIL/BIL for not stopping MIL) I talk to DH on the way home about it. he says, "Oh well, we were at MIL's house." As in what? That Gma's wants trump moms? In what universe!
4)BG: MIL had two csections. 1st emergency, second by choice. So when Dni was born she asked ot be in the room, SIL allowed it. She even allowed her to take pictures! (I've seen them, you dont see anything other than a leg in 1 photo, but not my point. Just want y'all well informed.) When we announce we're pregnant, DH and I had already decided that only he and I for pushing. I was flexible for the labor part (FTM, don't shoot me!). She asks if she can be in the room, I told her I wasn't against it. She asks if she can take pictures. She points out that SIL let her.I love my DH, he said "HELL NO. The only people who can see op's whoha are me and her doctor. Drop it."
Two weeks later, I was just having a conversation with her about something - I don't remember what - and the subject of babysitting came up. She asked what DH and I had planned when I returned to work. I work retail at the local mall, my hours are reallllllly flexible. DH works a great shift that means his home by 4. I can work a short closing shift and we don't have to worry about daycare! Awesome right! Wrong, she brings up that FIL is home all day (medical BG here, but not necessary for this post, but I'll tell it if asked. Just know that I am NOT comfortable with my FIL watching DS. Nothing against FIL, he's actually a nice guy, but my gut just doesn't like it.) in case we need it.
FF I'm in labor. I've had a fairly good relationship with MIL so I allow her in the room for labor only (same rules for my own mother) to keep DH company. Well, time comes for me to push, so DH leads everyone out, saying we will let them know when they can come back in. Thank god I had the presence of mind to tell the nurse before we really got down to business to not let anyone in the room until I said so, because lo and behold (after 45min. emphasis 45 minutes!) MIL pokes her head in the room (arranged so that you cant see squat from the doorway, I was behind the curtain.) to 'see how things are going'. Nurse told her "They said no one in here until later." MIL repeated herself, so did the nurse, then dropped my leg (not complaining, glad she did) to shut the door.
5) And now recently, MIL has taken to calling DS 'my baby'. Ugh, this gets my dander up, so I tell DH to please make her stop. I love the first time. He called her out by saying "Don't say that. It makes it sound like you and I had sex." (did I mention DH is awesome?) in front of her parents! She CBF's but stops. Then this last week at church (we attend the same service, it's the only time a week she gets to see DS. I can deal with sitting next to her for two hours. Plus, DS goes to the nursery anyway and they will not allow anyone but the parents to remove baby.) I hear about this second hand from DH. He wlaks into the sanctuary to tell MIL we're leaving for the day when she turns and says, "Where's my baby?" He suts it down again, nicer this time. Apparently too nice, because she just sticks out her tongue and says, "Still my baby." Really? A 50+ yr old woman sticks out her tongue? By this point I'd been on DWIL for a few months and told DH that if she does it again I'm gonna shut it down hard. He asked how, "I'm going to tell her that I don't remember her being there for the hours of kinky sex required to conceive [DS]. But if she wants to imagine her son doing the nasty, she's welcome to it. She just won't be doing it around MY son." (I'm thinking at least a month TO).
6)Everytime we mention feeding DS solids, she goes into the story about how SIL/BIL allowed her to feed DNi ice cream at 4 months. (Just FYI, she tried to do it once at the Memorial Day BBQ. She'd been giving tastes of ice cream and icing, I let it go. But then she walks across the room to give DS a taste of cherry juice. From her bowl that had also had ice cream in it. DH was holding DS at this point, and saw it. "No. Mom, it has ice cream on it." "Only a little. C'mon!" "NO, Mom!" He then wraps DS tighter into his chest and turns away from her. She walks out of the room and in that joking tone of hers says "You guys are mean." (WTELF! Stopping you from feeding something to our child that we had already told you specifically no about makes us mean?)) EVERYTIME. I told DH that it's starting to bug me and he goes DuH on me. "She's just commenting on how medical ideals have changed since she had kids." Mention it once or twice, yeah, MAYBE I can see that. More than that? No. She's doing it on purpose.
I like to think I have a spine. I know DH has one, but sometimes he will just let things go. Not the big things like I've said before, but I really would love some other people (wiser than myself, for certain) to tell him that she's being P/A to beat the band. Yes, she is the type to act like a child when she doesn't get her way. Lawn tantrum? Nah, but she will not talk to us for weeks on end (big deal *sarcasm*. Like I said, the only time she sees DS is in church for about 15 min each Sunday.)
ETA: Now that I read this she sounds super entitled. And to my knowledge no one in her family has shut it down. I refuse to let that be the example she sets for my son. Maybe some suggestions on how to call out the P/A? Stop the entitlement train? Preferably in a firey crash that I get to walk away form in that cool Hollywood slo-mo? 