I had talked to my sister about her planned career change and mentioned it to my husband as she's looking to go into computer programming, which he has a minor in. Her rational was that she's like our father, and our father is so good with computers that she must be good with computers as well.
My husband laughed and reminded me that he's spent hours on dad's and sister's computer and then said "Your father isn't good with computers. He gives this delision so that you won't ask where he is and why he's not spending time with kids/grandkids. And he won't let you think any different because that means he's not in control of how you think. Your sister needs your parents approval so much that she is just doing what she thinks will buy it. And all the while, he's playing card games and such and leaving a mess for me to clean up..."
We then talked about my parents house and the mold that it has- my mother was hospitalized with a sinus infection recently. I state I'm not going down to see them this year because I'm pregnant don't want to get sick and I don't want our daughter to get sick. He's asthma was triggered after many years by the house and he refuses to go down. I point out that we could get a hotel room if we really want to go down, and he says "You should go and stay in the house. Your parents aren't getting any younger and you should spend time with them while you have them."
I point out the assorted issues I have had... my mother yelling at me (literally screaming because she was saying follow the white car while pointing to a silver) calling me an asshole for not following her directions... while my daughter was in the backseat, my father trying to feed my daughter food that she hated and telling me that I'm feeding her wrong, I'm tired of seeing my sister being the golden child and trying to scapegoat her youngest, and the general dysfunctionality.
"One day they'll be dead. Don't you think our children will miss knowing them?"
I responded that our children will die a long time after my parents and the scars they cause by demonstrating that they don't have to respect momma, by being the grandscape goats, and the unequal treatment will last a whole lot longer. I point out that we are getting rid of the guest bedroom for a reason. He states that we will get a sleeper sofa.
Seriously- how can you go from knowing that a house in unhealthy and refusing to step foot in it, to knowing my father is a distant, controlling person, that my mother has mental health issues to thinking I should tote the kids down once a year for this treatment? I know his grandmother and mother fought over the GM's attempts to co-parent... but seriously, really?
Suggestions for those who have btdt and spouses refuse therapy?