BG links:
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a45741496/co_story_needs_an_ending
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a46008235/1st_lawn_tantrum_mutual_church
Briefly, I CO my parents in Sept. and they harrassed my family (me, DH, 23 mo DD) all the way out of our mutual church on Saturday (last contact). We had minimal contact in between those events mainly via email. It's been 6 years of drama and events leading up to CO. In the meantime, I have a younger brother (OBro) and youngest brother (YBro). They are both single guys and neither brother is a "kid-person," and although both are local, I am not sure the last time they saw DD. Definitely before August. Which is fine. I currently have a great relationship with YBro. The dilemma is with my OBro.
OBro and I were close as kids, and since then just a casual family relationship. I would mostly see him at fam events or, since he lived at my parents' off and on, I'd see him a little then, laugh and chat. He's a police officer and pretty much nocturnal. His latest stay at my parents was to save for a house, which he has bought and my parents are helping him renovate, and he is close to moving out.
One time years ago my mom blew up and I tried to vent to OBro. He said specifically, "Keep me out of it." I honored that completely. Then leading up to the CO, I stopped letting my parents have DD alone (w/o me) and they flipped out. At that time, (Part #1) OBro sent me a long, testy (but not malicious) FB message giving his POV and demanding to see me and DH to hear his opinion. I said I would, but not w/DH if OBro was going to have that attitude. I said he knew nothing and was stepping over the line and added other history and he backed off very quickly. We met for dinner in Sept. (Part #2) and he said right at the beginning he didn't want to be involved and didn't want any details from me or mom. I was happy with that since CO had already happened and I thought "Great, I get to keep my brothers." (Part #3) Then DH/DD/I went to NY and discovered my parents had lied to my relatives about us and shortly after that OBro wrote again in a text saying that we needed to talk and when was a good time for DH and I? I gave him like 3 dates and he never responded. Then I reached out to him two more times and the latest was yesterday (2 days after lawn tantrum) wishing him Happy Tgiving and saying he was welcome to come see us. I get another text (Part #4) demanding a meeting but just me, just me, no one else. I actually prefer it that way but my DH is bristling with red flags. He pointed out the facts above--that OBro claims to want to stay out of it and only rears his head when a drama event happens between me and my parents.
I don't have a great feeling about it. I did call him after that Part #4 text just to get his tone of voice and felt that he didn't sound aggressive or lecturing, and we set a tentative time to talk tonight. I feel like I will hear him out, which all it will probably be is FM talk, and then I will give my story, and ideally he will say "Wow, I didn't know all that, I am not sure what to think," and I would reply, "That's okay. Just trust me to know what is best for my family. You don't have to agree with it. Just be my brother," and we will hug and see each other for dinner sometimes and exchange holiday gifts. That would be super.
DH is very tightly wound about the prospective meeting. He even imagines that OBro is trying to ambush me with my parents! His reaction made me wonder if I have a unicorn problem. I have talked to my MIL about it (we are close) and she said, "Just go and hear him out. At the very least you might learn something, ie what is he being told." And worst case scenario, I will realize he is lost, walk out, and have closure.
I am very nervous when put on the spot to speak in my defense. So I am writing up some talking points so I can try to commit them to memory if things get testy. Good, reality-check-type comments. If you have any suggestions please write them out. If you think I am making a mistake, please let me know. But I am confident in the actions I have taken (CO, etc) and it's not like I am going to come out of that meeting undoing everything I have done.