Can't link BG but mil treated me like shit I had her on pretty much an indefinite TO.
I used to say co but obviously not because my dh had a hard time accepting dead to me and dd.
Anyways I think she killed his unicorn, like shotgun to the head point blank then cut its head off and fed it to a bear.
I have been telling dh forever that mil is very good at minipulating him. She acts horrable ,gets put in a to,attempts contact makes dh feel guilty and gets a second chance and just before the visit is over she does something to land in a to again. But normally dh thinks I had something to do with the behavior because I am not nice just civil and shut down all small talk and the info train.she hates that and says I provoke her.well not this time it was all her!(BTW I don't agree with hubby about it being my fault but he feels guilt and if I had something to do with her behavior then he can justify giving it another chance.also we literally had this experience with them every time so a TO usually lasted 6 months because I wouldn't give in until I saw how much pain dh was in over it)
Also I might add dh is adopted,he was left at the hospital just 4hrs after birth so he has a very hard time with not having mil and fil around because he longs for that normalcy he never had from not knowing anything about where he cokes from who he is and who his real parents are. I think this is important because this is why unusually give in after a long to when I would have preferred just a co because in see that lost little boy.
Anyways hubby begged that they be invited to dds first birthday it had been a long while since they had seen any of us,so after 2weeks of arguing I gave in seeing his pain and wanting just one day to try with a bunch of people. We invite them with the understanding of they give me my space,they can only hold/interact with dd when both dh and I are present and there will be plenty of people there to see her so don't expect a day of just u and her. Also most importantly this is not the time or place to try to fix things and if any mention of the issues at hand are discussed they will be asked to leave imeadieatly . they agreed.
Day of party everything's goes great ! No issues I'm genuinely surprised by there behavior. She tries small talk I shut it down every time but other than that and a few little snarkey looks it went great
UNTIL 5 min before they leave she hands dh 2cards one with my name one with his and says with this smug look on her face ," thease are for later when everyone leaves". Were both thinking its something totally different because everything has gone perfect . even they said so. So here is the card to me
The outside printed by hallmark- I wish I could go back in time .... Back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship before hurt ever touched our hearts. Before doubt ever entered our minds. Because if I could go back and start from those moments I would hold you longer,never miss a chance to tell you how much you mean to me.... And I would never ever hurt you (seems like an "I'm sorry I cheated on you card to me" gross and weird but I had hope it would be a real I'm sorry )
Hand written on the inside-(its a blank 3fold card filled to the edge with words from her )
Op,for you to tell sils that I never liked you is is not true (I never said that but whatever) at one point I loved you more that my own daughters .(can I just say that is the most aweful thing I have ever heard! How can you love anyone more than your own children? )they both made that very clear to me.
Honestly,I felt betrayed she you announced you were trying to get pregnant. (Your luckyi told you at all! Since when is me getting pregnant betraying you?) I had hoped you and dh would have a long happy courtship after the two of you were settled into jobs (what the hell?we lived on our own together have good jobs and never asked for money from anyone? )then you would have babies(I don't care what you wanted for us,we live our lives for us not you,notice we never asked you what you wanted us to do!)
It hurt me to think that you had been planning all along to get pregnant and hide dh away from his family.(seriously WHAT THE FUCK?! we had lived together 2years at that point and 1year in our own place that she helped us find and move into(we still got along at that point sort of) how is that hiding him away!)
There have been so many stories told to fil and I about everything that has happened. I never started out to hurt your feelings. My anger,which I allowed took control and got the best of me.(your an adult,and ive said many times your always going to be held to what you say to me so only say exactly what you mean.this excuse is not good enough when u use it every time you say aweful things)I know I have said things that have hurt you and those things were said out of hurt and dissapointment and anger.
I never treated fils mom the way you have treated all of us .I took care of her and I didn't forbid my children from seeing her. (And I'm sure she never treated you the way you have treated me. There for this is an invalid point,also you told me the stories of how you treated her,I'll just say it wasn't very nice at all.)
I cannot for the life if me understand why your so bitter(here we go again) when you were here all you talked about was how much you hated your parents and the things you blamed them for. it made me sad because I remembered having those feelings towards my dad and I shared that with you (your disgusting!I never would say I hated my parents because its not true! But I did say a few things about my childhood that I thought weren't fair. Hardly equal to hate I would say?bit of an over exaggeration you think? But just like you to remember the story how you want to). My hopes were for you to mend that relationship (no mending needed) it seems that you have,but now all your hate and anger is aimed at me. (Tue only anger aimed at you is only from what you have caused,but nice try. Funny that Instead of owning your wrongs,it obviously has to be someone else's fault that in don't like you ).
I've apolagised for all that you've said I've done and all that I can remember.(you may say sorry but you don't change so clearly your just offering lip service l. Your only truley sorry for things your willing to change). I'm truly sorry you have no no forgiveness in you (you were invited to the party went you?).
The bible says that unforgiveness and bitterness is like cancer,I've had my cancer I hope you never do.(don't quote the bible to me,you use scripture to help your self when your wrong, you hide behind god and religion whenever your wrong!) .
I've forgiven you for what I felt was betrayal ,things on face book(?) And the things you have done to device my family( seriously?) I love my son!
Op, I would like to have a relationship with the two of you and dd since we really don't know her(and this card is how you shown you want a relationship? you are delusional if you think this was how to fix anything). I don't understand what is so horribly bad with us,or me that you won't allow us to be part of your family (you just gave me a whole card full of reasons ) I do love you ,op I may not like who you are but I pray for yours, dh and dds souls daily. (Yeah I'm speechless)
End card
After we read them dh had the light bulb go off that she had thease cards the whole party knew what she wrote in them but even after a great day she still had to hand them out. He felt aweful that he put me threw it yet again. He said he doesn't even want to respond to the card or give them a chance to explaine. The card says it all. His words exactly were "this is how she says thank you for putting out differences aside and. Letting them attend" he's disgusted and done with them and just by the look on his face I know he was serious.
Only time will tell. We haven't responded to the cards and never will but I smell a lawn tantrum occurring when she doesn't get the reaction she wanted and realizes that were done. So this should be a bookmarked post. I smell drama just up the road.
I used to say co but obviously not because my dh had a hard time accepting dead to me and dd.
Anyways I think she killed his unicorn, like shotgun to the head point blank then cut its head off and fed it to a bear.
I have been telling dh forever that mil is very good at minipulating him. She acts horrable ,gets put in a to,attempts contact makes dh feel guilty and gets a second chance and just before the visit is over she does something to land in a to again. But normally dh thinks I had something to do with the behavior because I am not nice just civil and shut down all small talk and the info train.she hates that and says I provoke her.well not this time it was all her!(BTW I don't agree with hubby about it being my fault but he feels guilt and if I had something to do with her behavior then he can justify giving it another chance.also we literally had this experience with them every time so a TO usually lasted 6 months because I wouldn't give in until I saw how much pain dh was in over it)
Also I might add dh is adopted,he was left at the hospital just 4hrs after birth so he has a very hard time with not having mil and fil around because he longs for that normalcy he never had from not knowing anything about where he cokes from who he is and who his real parents are. I think this is important because this is why unusually give in after a long to when I would have preferred just a co because in see that lost little boy.
Anyways hubby begged that they be invited to dds first birthday it had been a long while since they had seen any of us,so after 2weeks of arguing I gave in seeing his pain and wanting just one day to try with a bunch of people. We invite them with the understanding of they give me my space,they can only hold/interact with dd when both dh and I are present and there will be plenty of people there to see her so don't expect a day of just u and her. Also most importantly this is not the time or place to try to fix things and if any mention of the issues at hand are discussed they will be asked to leave imeadieatly . they agreed.
Day of party everything's goes great ! No issues I'm genuinely surprised by there behavior. She tries small talk I shut it down every time but other than that and a few little snarkey looks it went great
UNTIL 5 min before they leave she hands dh 2cards one with my name one with his and says with this smug look on her face ," thease are for later when everyone leaves". Were both thinking its something totally different because everything has gone perfect . even they said so. So here is the card to me
The outside printed by hallmark- I wish I could go back in time .... Back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship before hurt ever touched our hearts. Before doubt ever entered our minds. Because if I could go back and start from those moments I would hold you longer,never miss a chance to tell you how much you mean to me.... And I would never ever hurt you (seems like an "I'm sorry I cheated on you card to me" gross and weird but I had hope it would be a real I'm sorry )
Hand written on the inside-(its a blank 3fold card filled to the edge with words from her )
Op,for you to tell sils that I never liked you is is not true (I never said that but whatever) at one point I loved you more that my own daughters .(can I just say that is the most aweful thing I have ever heard! How can you love anyone more than your own children? )they both made that very clear to me.
Honestly,I felt betrayed she you announced you were trying to get pregnant. (Your luckyi told you at all! Since when is me getting pregnant betraying you?) I had hoped you and dh would have a long happy courtship after the two of you were settled into jobs (what the hell?we lived on our own together have good jobs and never asked for money from anyone? )then you would have babies(I don't care what you wanted for us,we live our lives for us not you,notice we never asked you what you wanted us to do!)
It hurt me to think that you had been planning all along to get pregnant and hide dh away from his family.(seriously WHAT THE FUCK?! we had lived together 2years at that point and 1year in our own place that she helped us find and move into(we still got along at that point sort of) how is that hiding him away!)
There have been so many stories told to fil and I about everything that has happened. I never started out to hurt your feelings. My anger,which I allowed took control and got the best of me.(your an adult,and ive said many times your always going to be held to what you say to me so only say exactly what you mean.this excuse is not good enough when u use it every time you say aweful things)I know I have said things that have hurt you and those things were said out of hurt and dissapointment and anger.
I never treated fils mom the way you have treated all of us .I took care of her and I didn't forbid my children from seeing her. (And I'm sure she never treated you the way you have treated me. There for this is an invalid point,also you told me the stories of how you treated her,I'll just say it wasn't very nice at all.)
I cannot for the life if me understand why your so bitter(here we go again) when you were here all you talked about was how much you hated your parents and the things you blamed them for. it made me sad because I remembered having those feelings towards my dad and I shared that with you (your disgusting!I never would say I hated my parents because its not true! But I did say a few things about my childhood that I thought weren't fair. Hardly equal to hate I would say?bit of an over exaggeration you think? But just like you to remember the story how you want to). My hopes were for you to mend that relationship (no mending needed) it seems that you have,but now all your hate and anger is aimed at me. (Tue only anger aimed at you is only from what you have caused,but nice try. Funny that Instead of owning your wrongs,it obviously has to be someone else's fault that in don't like you ).
I've apolagised for all that you've said I've done and all that I can remember.(you may say sorry but you don't change so clearly your just offering lip service l. Your only truley sorry for things your willing to change). I'm truly sorry you have no no forgiveness in you (you were invited to the party went you?).
The bible says that unforgiveness and bitterness is like cancer,I've had my cancer I hope you never do.(don't quote the bible to me,you use scripture to help your self when your wrong, you hide behind god and religion whenever your wrong!) .
I've forgiven you for what I felt was betrayal ,things on face book(?) And the things you have done to device my family( seriously?) I love my son!
Op, I would like to have a relationship with the two of you and dd since we really don't know her(and this card is how you shown you want a relationship? you are delusional if you think this was how to fix anything). I don't understand what is so horribly bad with us,or me that you won't allow us to be part of your family (you just gave me a whole card full of reasons ) I do love you ,op I may not like who you are but I pray for yours, dh and dds souls daily. (Yeah I'm speechless)
End card
After we read them dh had the light bulb go off that she had thease cards the whole party knew what she wrote in them but even after a great day she still had to hand them out. He felt aweful that he put me threw it yet again. He said he doesn't even want to respond to the card or give them a chance to explaine. The card says it all. His words exactly were "this is how she says thank you for putting out differences aside and. Letting them attend" he's disgusted and done with them and just by the look on his face I know he was serious.
Only time will tell. We haven't responded to the cards and never will but I smell a lawn tantrum occurring when she doesn't get the reaction she wanted and realizes that were done. So this should be a bookmarked post. I smell drama just up the road.