Long-time lurker; first-time poster.
Important info:
Yes, I've read the sticky.
Yes, I have my BGP on.
NO, I DO NOT LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. ;)
BG:
I'm 18. I was raised by my incredibly loving grandparents until I was 7, when my mom married my step-dad and we moved out of my grandparents' home. **Trigger** My step-dad is an incredibly abusive, horrible scum of a human being, who hates me with the fire of a thousand asshole suns. He and my mom had my YSis and YBro, who are 7 and 10 years younger than I, respectively. They are incredibly involved in their fundamentalist church, and are out 5-6 nights a week, leaving me to parent my younger siblings. They are amazing kids, and I love them with my whole heart. I've dedicated my life to protecting them from their father, both emotionally and physically (not to mention trying to protect my mom).
I got pregnant with DD when I was 16, and had her when I was 17. The moment I brought her home, I knew I wasn't going to be able to protect everyone from my Sdad (he was trying to tell me how he was going to discipline her...she was 3 weeks old). It broke my heart into a thousand pieces having to leave my brother and sister behind (I will remember their tear-stained faces the day I left forever, and never forgive myself), but I knew that I couldn't have DD grow up and have the same resentment for me that I have for my mom (that she chose not to protect us).
I rented a room in a house and enrolled DD in infant daycare. When I finished HS (when DD was 5 mo), I got a second job and we got our own little 1br. apartment. Moving in was probably one of the proudest moments of my life. :)
Now, to the problem at hand: YSis and YBro ADORE DD, and love spending time with her. I love seeing them, and it helps me to keep tabs on how they're dealing (YSis has moved into the protectorate role, and I'm so, so sad that she's had to shoulder that burden). But obviously Sdad is still a major part of their lives. They aren't old enough to come and visit without a parent bringing them. Sometimes I go there, but I hate being in that house, and it's getting harder and harder to just ignore Sdad's 'advice' on how I'm raising my baby, even when we're there for short visits. I know if I tell my mom that Sdad is not allowed around DD that he'll forbid them from seeing us, and I don't think I could take that. I raised those kids for 5 years (making meals, changing YBro's diapers, managing his Type 1 diabetes, tucking them into bed, reading them stories, helping with homework...everything). Obviously I'm never going to leave DD where he can be around her without me, but how do I maintain a relationship with 2 kids who I feel are nearly as close to being my own as DD without the abusive fuck who I MUST protect her from?
Thank you in advance for any advice or constructive criticism.