DH's grandfather died a couple of days ago. His grandparents live(d) in a different state about 1k miles away. The rest of his family lives about 500 miles away from where his grandparents live. I'm 32 weeks pregnant.
DH's family is much different than how I was raised. They're very country (trying not to offend) and aren't a very feelings-oriented family. DH used to be really closed off and emotionally unavailable, when he started feeling negative he'd shut down because that's what he'd been taught to do. I've helped him to come out of his emotional shell, and he started going to therapy (voluntarily) to work through the problems he has with expressing his emotions. He's also started dressing differently, speaking differently, trying new/different foods, just generally he's come out of his shell a little more and started expressing himself differently since marrying me and moving from the country to a city. He changed voluntarily, I didn't force him to change, and I loved him the way he was but I love that he's willing to try new things and express his feelings more too. He's been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and he really struggles with fears and social anxiety about people rejecting him, especially his family, so that plays in to this too.
I would've thought that at a funeral people would have been more focused on the death in the family than on nitpicking a family member, but his family has been ragging on him since we arrived on Friday afternoon.
They have attacked him for:
-taking a plane instead of driving. It would have been an unbelievably long drive and I don't know if I would have been able to handle that kind of car ride at 32/33 (when we leave) weeks pregnant. Apparently the fact that we flew in means that he's "getting too good" for the family.
-his clothes, again claiming that he thinks he's too good for them now because he wears "dress clothes" all the time (he usually wears button downs & nice jeans).
-the fact that he's in therapy. i don't even know how that came up in conversation, but they accused him of not being a "real man" because he goes to therapy to work through his emotional problems.
And of course they're blaming me for changing/ruining him and for thinking I'm too good for them which is strictly untrue...I don't care what they're saying about me but DH is devastated about his grandfather and he's even more devastated that his family is rejecting him. He wants to just leave and not stay for the funeral.
Any advice?