I read the sticky, lurked around for a few months, and I am good to go. A little background: My mother and I used to be super enmeshed, I was her only child, and she wished she could have more but she started late having me at 42, and she wasn't able to have anymore after me, so I was always her GC. She constantly would continue to compare me to my cousin[her sister's son] about how much better I am than he was.
I've known my DW for about six years now, and have been together for four. For the most part, my mother and her were cordial and there weren't any issues until we encountered our first pregnancy in 2011[in fact, it has been almost exactly three years next month from when we found out about the little squish]. I'm not sure what crawled up my mother's ass, or for that reason what the fuck hit me over the head to be such a fucking DuH.
This is the part with the trigger, so skip ahead if you wish. Anyways, my mother told us, or rather my DW she should get an abortion because she didn't want the pregnancy to ruin my life. Why it mattered to her, I have no clue. I was starting out in the police academy, and she thought it would ruin my chances? I don't know. She actually pushed for my DW to, even going so far as calling a Planned Parenthood to see if she could get an appointment, like my DW was her child! I don't know exactly what happened to that, and I feel so bad for my DuH ways back then that we didn't immediately cut her off afterwards. Unfortunately for us, we miscarried the baby. When we told my mother[I know, such a DuH, that info train needed to be stopped LONG before now] she actually THOUGHT we had taken her advice! My DW cried for days afterwards, and I still kick myself in the ass. Ever since then, my DW's and mother's relationship has been strained. -End trigger-
Now, we found out we were pregnant again in October of 2012 with DD. My DW steered clear of my mother until she was well past 12 weeks, and ever since we found out we were having a girl, my mother couldn't stop talking to my DW about how she always wanted a girl, how she wanted me to be a girl, how she asked the ultrasound tech when she was pregnant with me if I really was a boy yada yada yada. It seemed like to my DW that she was excited that she was having a girl so she could finally have that "daughter she always wanted, the second child she never had". This honestly should have been my second red flag to cut off contact.
During the birth of our DD, my DW was having issues, both her and DD's heartrates were dropping, and my mother kept trying to sneak her way into the birthing room. She told us before we had our DD that she wouldn't even come to the hospital and would wait until we wanted visitors - should have never believed this. We had checked into the hospital at 9AM, and settled in at 10:30PM to get ready to have our DD, and she was there bright and early at 8AM the following day - less than 12 hours after us being in there. I had to yell at my mother to leave the birthing room, and she pitched a fit and started crying. I had found out a few weeks later that she just hid behind the curtain after all the nurses had entered the room to watch.
This pissed off my DW, not to mention all the snide comments to my DW about how she didn't really know how to care for our DD, telling her the correct way to do this and that. Fucking DuH here again that we didn't cut off contact.
We moved three months ago in November, and when we moved, my DW said she nor our DD will see her again without me there, and in fact, decided to TO my mother. Shortly after, my grandmother sent a text to my DW after them having a conversation about needing space from my mother which read "It is such a shame you don't want [Mom's name] to be with [DD's name] and that is not right. [DD] is her greanddaughter and she loves [DD] very much." My DW BH'd that text, in fact DW told me to say something because she didn't want them thinking they could claim possession to her just because of the relationship. My mother wanted us to come over for Thanksgiving and that she wanted to drop off presents for us and DD on Christmas day, which we shut down.
Sorry, that was a longer background than I thought it was going to be. Now to today: Our DD is now almost 7 months old, and she hasn't seen her since 4 months. I have gone pretty much LC, to no contact the last few months, so today when I received a call from an unknown phone number and I answered it, I was not expecting it to be my own mother. At first she was chit-chatty, asking when my next day off was so that Gma, mom, I and our DD could take a four generation picture, and I knew DW didn't want DD to have anything to do with my mom without her there, so I didn't answer her question and tried bean-dipping. I told her I was busy the next week, and that Gma wasn't leaving until April[now that I write this out, it kinda sounded like I was arranging another time which I didn't intend if she took it that way, which she probably did.] and then she started fishing for information about my DW and her job.
My mother loves to fish for information so she can sit around all day and gossip to god knows who about our life, so I shut that down with a bean dip when she asked if DW had been promoted yet, and how DD's last appointment went, and I told her I had to leave to get ready to work, and get this, she started crying. I'm at my wits end with her, and seriously tempted for that TO to officially be a CO which was long overdue. My DW would side with me completely.
I guess what I am doing here is to give my rainbow shitting unicorn the last shot to finish it off, as I realized from lurking these last three months that it is way off the normal meter for my mother to treat my DW the way she did, and like I said, that I was such a fucking DuH to continue this relationship three years down the road.
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What to do now? -Triggers- UD 5, 6
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