I live in Alaska in a small town where there are no doctors or hospitals, so my husband and I came down to Washington state where I have family for the birth of our first child, now 11 days old.
It's my dad's birthday and the plan was to have a BBQ at my brother's enormous house. I didn't want to do it because my brother's one and three year old children are truly exhausting--but obviously my husband and I were going to suck it up and go and then leave as soon as socially acceptable. My other brother, my sister and her husband who also have a one ad three year old child feel the same way. No one likes being around my brothers two kids. Why? Because my brother and his wife Never say no to them, and they think it's cute when the kids scream loud repeatedly, run, throw things and demand their way, and then they leave a mess and never clean it up.
We had to take our newborn to the ped again this morning and it ended up taking until 4 pm. Upon returning, we learned the new plan, courtesy of my SIL, is for his family to come over to my parents' tiny house because it would be easier for my husband and me. Obviously it's worse, to the point where I feel dread. That family does not hear no; anyone who says no to the kids is deemed a mean person because the kids are good kids, cute and fun (according to the mom and dad). Apparently while we were away today they came over and the kids went through all our stuff which we had laid out in one room of the house in preparation to take back to alaska. They discovered a bag of chocolates that were given to us as a gift and got chocolate everywhere. My BIL discovered this and told the kids, "NO. You are not allowed to have candy without permission." The three year old girl just started crying crocodile tears.
Obviously we have a clash of parenting styles. Basically, there's my brothers style, my Switzerland-neutral basically permissive parents, and then everyone else. (Our newborn photographer said they were the most difficult family she ever photographed and showed my husband where they had written all over the walls of her studio.
Being new parents who have had to take our newborn to the pediatrician for various ailments five times in his short life already, not getting much sleep, we are overwhelmed, and I just wanted to cry; we can't just bow out after an hour or so--they will be here running, screaming and making a mess which none of them will clean up. And perhaps most disconcertingly I can't move the large piles of stuff out of that room where the kids got into it before. I feel I disrespected and violated with our stuff being gone through and smashed. I feel held hostage--I'm afraid to say anything to my brother--he might comply but we might pay for it...he might hold it against me.
What is a reasonable approach?
Anyone have any tips on how to survive tonight? Or maybe have a magic sentence i can say to my brother, like "Please police your children because I don't want them climbing all over my stuff?" Is that reasonable? What do I do if the kids start screaming like mad? I have a newborn, my husband has a migraine and my nerves are shot. How can I retreat while they are here? Anyone got a magic phrase I can use to exit the festivities?
It's probably obvious when you're not emotionally trapped in it. But I feel so overwhelmed.
It's my dad's birthday and the plan was to have a BBQ at my brother's enormous house. I didn't want to do it because my brother's one and three year old children are truly exhausting--but obviously my husband and I were going to suck it up and go and then leave as soon as socially acceptable. My other brother, my sister and her husband who also have a one ad three year old child feel the same way. No one likes being around my brothers two kids. Why? Because my brother and his wife Never say no to them, and they think it's cute when the kids scream loud repeatedly, run, throw things and demand their way, and then they leave a mess and never clean it up.
We had to take our newborn to the ped again this morning and it ended up taking until 4 pm. Upon returning, we learned the new plan, courtesy of my SIL, is for his family to come over to my parents' tiny house because it would be easier for my husband and me. Obviously it's worse, to the point where I feel dread. That family does not hear no; anyone who says no to the kids is deemed a mean person because the kids are good kids, cute and fun (according to the mom and dad). Apparently while we were away today they came over and the kids went through all our stuff which we had laid out in one room of the house in preparation to take back to alaska. They discovered a bag of chocolates that were given to us as a gift and got chocolate everywhere. My BIL discovered this and told the kids, "NO. You are not allowed to have candy without permission." The three year old girl just started crying crocodile tears.
Obviously we have a clash of parenting styles. Basically, there's my brothers style, my Switzerland-neutral basically permissive parents, and then everyone else. (Our newborn photographer said they were the most difficult family she ever photographed and showed my husband where they had written all over the walls of her studio.
Being new parents who have had to take our newborn to the pediatrician for various ailments five times in his short life already, not getting much sleep, we are overwhelmed, and I just wanted to cry; we can't just bow out after an hour or so--they will be here running, screaming and making a mess which none of them will clean up. And perhaps most disconcertingly I can't move the large piles of stuff out of that room where the kids got into it before. I feel I disrespected and violated with our stuff being gone through and smashed. I feel held hostage--I'm afraid to say anything to my brother--he might comply but we might pay for it...he might hold it against me.
What is a reasonable approach?
Anyone have any tips on how to survive tonight? Or maybe have a magic sentence i can say to my brother, like "Please police your children because I don't want them climbing all over my stuff?" Is that reasonable? What do I do if the kids start screaming like mad? I have a newborn, my husband has a migraine and my nerves are shot. How can I retreat while they are here? Anyone got a magic phrase I can use to exit the festivities?
It's probably obvious when you're not emotionally trapped in it. But I feel so overwhelmed.