I am pregnant with my 2nd child, first girl (EDD 5/15). DS is 2.5. Early in the pregnancy, my mom went to a baby shower for my cousin, who was also having her 2nd child, first girl. Mom kind of jokingly said, "Well I guess since *cousin* had a baby shower for her 2nd child, I get to throw you one too." Even though, she was saying it with a chuckle, I knew she was serious because she really enjoys doing that kind of thing (cutesey parties). I said something like. "No, seriously. We don't need anything. We have way too much stuff."
Some BG: I am a minimalist at heart. I'd rather not have every piece of baby gear if it means open spaces in my home. We have no attic or basement storage and are currently using the 3rd bedroom for storage, but will eventually need that room cleared out for DD. We were given 3 baby showers with my first pregnancy. One from/for family (they live 2 hours away), one from DHs co-workers, one from church. I am so grateful for everyone's gifts - we literally did not have to buy anything for DS, except occasional packs of diapers (even most of those were sent to us from an aunt). I kept everything organized by size and stage and anytime DS hit a new milestone, I'd go "shopping" in our storage room (3rd bedroom). It truly was a blessing. The problem is that the gifts didn't stop. Mom and MIL have a bit of a shopping problem (MIL might have some hoarding tendencies as well). Gifts started becoming a burden because I was left with the moral dillema of what to do with everything. "I can't donate it - It was a GIFT!" Eventually, After storing brand new, still-in-package baby gifts for over a year, I had to sell and donate quite a bit of stuff. We have been very clear with our moms. We say we want DS to appreciate simplicity and to be grateful for less. We say we don't have space for anymore stuff. We put our foot down on Christmas, saying that if they can't resist buying more than 1 gift, DS can enjoy it at THEIR house, where the gift will stay.
FF to a month ago. DH (not me) gets a text that says "Booked *local venue* for April 5 for shower. Does this work for you guys?" Already booked, did not check with us ahead of time, and we live 2 hours away. I didn't reply. She calls the next day to make small talk and talk to DS, then casually mentions the shower date and "do you think you can make it that weekend?" I said, "I don't know, Mom. Wish you would have checked with me before you booked. I told you I don't want a shower this time." She, sounding surprised (?!?!), said, "Oh .. Do you have other plans that weekend? ... because... I already started telling people to save that date." After my initial annoyance and explaining WHY we don't want a shower AGAIN, I suggest a compromise. I'd be happy to attend a casual get-to-gether if people want to come, hang out, play some cheesy games, and celebrate our baby, as long as it's clear that this is a NO GIFTS party. OR (I was less serious about this one) I told her about the trend to do a "grandmother's shower" where guests bring gifts to keep at grandma's house. (Of course she realized how tacky that would be, being that SHE'S planning the shower). We end the conversation with Mom lightly saying, "OK, we'll call it a Gma shower, if that gets you to come."
After thinking about it, I realized (obviously) that she's not going to tell the guests that it's a grandma shower - she was just trying to trick me into coming. So I sent her an email the next day: "I get the feeling you are going to go ahead and send invitations, ignoring my request for no gifts. Please don't." I go on to explain very specifically about all the things unused from previous showers and how many gifts we had to get rid of. I tell her that so many people are going to get girl clothing ANYWAY, there's no reason to invite people to a shower who would otherwise not think about getting me a baby gift. (Many guests are going to be from SFILs family, who I hardly see/know. And MIL [who has a small immediate family] invites random distant relatives and church friends. There were literally people at my first shower who I've never met.)
She replies: "Ok, I'll talk to *MIL*, but we were thinking like bigger items, like another crib, high chair, etc. Can you think of any bigger items that you need?"
I explain that I prefer not having a bulky high chair to work around (we have a hook-on seat and a booster that sits on a kitchen chair). It worked fine for DS. There's no reason to get another crib. DS is currently using ours, converted to toddler bed, but we also have a twin bed in the 3rd bedroom that we can move DS into. Plus, we have a bassinet that we will use initially, AND I ended up co-sleeping with DS most of the time anyway. It was a good year before DS got regular use of the crib.
No response. Haven't heard anything since. DH talked to MIL, who only confirmed that a shower was still in the works. DH said, "Well, we have said over and over again we don't need/want anymore stuff. Just be aware we might not come down that weekend." MIL says, "Well, since it's the first girl, we thought we'd go ahead and plan one. That'd be kind of awkard if the guest of honor doesn't show up."
Part of me thinks I should just keep my mouth shut, smile, and say "Thank you". But I feel like I should be able to be honest with my mother about how gifts are getting out of control (because I would think she wants to get gifts that will be used and appreciated).
If invites have been sent, I'm sure I will go. If I don't, my mom will play like she's the victim of an unappreciative b**ch daughter. But part of me kind of wants to figure out a way to casually and tactfully let on to guests that it's a grandma's shower so that they'll all be appalled that Mom and MIL planned an event to get gifts for themselves. Hehe.
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Forced into a baby shower. Am I being ungrateful? LONG
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