Is this a big deal or not? There are honestly bigger fish to fry with MIL, but this issue will not die (DH is partly to blame, but MIL is getting smarter in her tactics).
As long as DH and I have been living together (6ish years), MIL has always insisted on trying to “take care” of us by sending us home with ungodly amounts of food after we visit. She and FIL do not have a lot of money, but she has always had access to food from her job. MIL has always been very overbearing and DH has just started to gain a voice and tell her that she is overstepping. We had them on a long TO that ended before LO was born (a whole other issue). In her current job she works in the kitchen at a hospital and her employer gives her a daily allowance to buy food from the cafeteria at the hospital. Because she is on a strict diet, she brings things from home to eat and uses her daily allowance to buy food from the cafeteria, like Naked Juices, desserts, and small bags of chips or cookies. She brings this food home and tries to get my 2 BILs, who live at home, to eat it. She also manages to get her hand on bulk food, which we question a bit. For instance, she had about 5 pounds of frozen salmon from work. She has also brought home about 12 grilled chicken breasts. She says it’s “extras”.
Over the years we would visit weekly (we have since stopped that) and she would send us home with about a week’s worth of food, regardless of whether or not we had just gone shopping. DH would protest and tell her 4 or 5 times that we don’t need the food but we would still end up taking it home (I know, a Duh problem. Like I said, he was slowly getting his voice). After a while DH finally told her we really didn’t need the food and that we ended up throwing a lot of it away because it would spoil before we could eat it. She agreed to stop, but she still never quit asking. But she would take “No” for an answer after only one attempt, versus the 3 or 4 times she would ask about it before.
Our first child was born in October and MIL took this opportunity again to start giving us food. DH (Duh) let it slide because he said she was only trying to help and that it would make things easier for us if we didn’t have to cook. The only difference this time was that MIL and FIL would come to our house to visit, where we have always gone over there (so that we can control the situation). The first time she brought 2 canvas shopping bags full of food. There were dozens of cheese sticks, chicken tenders, French fries, chicken alfredo, and other stuff that I can’t even remember. She had gotten all of the food from her job and it was all warm and had obviously been recently cooked. We did not even have enough room in the fridge for all of it. DH told her it was too much and she just said “Nooo…” and brushed it off. This happened two or three more times when they came by. Pandora’s Box was now open.
We finally got the visits to occur at their house again, and she started pressuring us to take food. DH had been fairly good about saying no, but that is when they started bombarding us at church with food. PILs would arrive right as Mass was ending so that they could see LO and give us food. DH would say no but MIL would say that they weren’t going home for a while and that the food would spoil if we didn’t take it. DH told her that he would accept the food this one time but not again. She agreed. Fast forward to the next week and they show up after church again with food. DH said no and didn’t take it. They haven’t tried that with us again.
Skip ahead a few months and SIL1 comes to visit us. She stayed at our house for a couple of days and then stayed at PILs. She was coming back to our house to pick up her suitcase and MIL asked her to deliver a few bags to us. SIL1 was not aware of the food-giving issue, so she arrived at our home with 2 boxes of cereal, Ramen noodles, and a GALLON of corn oil. Corn oil?! I have never even heard of it. DH complained and let her know what was going on and she felt terrible. She said her trunk was full of food that MIL pressured her to take back home (she lives 4 hours away). DH didn’t say anything to MIL and he didn’t return the food. The last time or two that we’ve visited PILs, MIL has managed to send us off with food. Last time was chicken and cheesecake. I love cheesecake and it’s hard to say no to that, but I just wish she would stop since DH has voiced his opinion numerous times.
I’m to the point where I think I’m going to refuse to eat the food that DH allows into the house. It might seem petty, but I do not want to deal with it anymore and it’s getting old. I’m fine eating the food at their house, but I do not want to eat it if we tell her “No” and DH relents. I understand that she thinks she is helping, but she is not respecting our wishes. I know DH just needs to really be firm with her and practice saying “No” but she is relentless. If she can’t get us to take it she still finds a way to get it to us.
So what do I do? Do I just let DH do whatever he wants (aka, not put up a fight and bring the food home) or do I really need to level with him that it needs to stop? If I stop eating it, do I really have a say in what he does? I don’t think it would be very effective to accept the food and then promptly trash it once we got home, because she would still get the satisfaction of us taking it.